RTC Secret Memo: Celebrities


Actress Elisabeth Moss Joins Scientology’s Elite “Fuck You” Club

COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has determined that celebrities pose too many risks to Scientology. Therefore, COB decrees the following:

1. Thanks to a generous $500,000,000 donation, the Celebrity Centre Int will be renamed The Bob Duggan Scientology Success in Life Centre. Only those Scientologists with an annual income of $3,000,000 USD or more are eligible to join the BDSSILC. The emphasis will be on success, money, IAS Patron Status, and not on celebrity or going up the, uhh, that thing, err, what’s it called? The Bridge to total, umm, something. Whatever it was the Founder was hobbyhorsing about all time with his complicated charts and scales and whatnot. We in RTC aren’t really into it because if you’re a major IAS Patron you’re automatically an OT8 so don’t worry about it.

2. Grant and Elena Cardone will chair the BDSSILC OT Committee.

3. Except for Tom Cruise and a few others, most of the existing Scientology celebrities are demoted to the status of PAC Base publics. None of them have done us any good. Tom Cruise will become a BDSSILC public.

4. Due to their creepy and embarrassing videos, Bodhi and Jenna Elfman are demoted to SFV publics and ordered to move to the Valley. They have lost their Hollywood/Los Feliz privileges for gross out ethics.

5. Elisabeth Moss flipping off the camera at the Emmys was too much for COB. Moss is being sec checked at Int Base for the next several months on her evil purposes to destroy Scientology.

6. Just as STAND has created fake stock photo Scientologists, the Church will create fake stock photo celebrity members. Stock photo Scientology celebrities pose no PR risks and will not escape and write books or do television shows. Our launch stock photo Scientology celebrity is Angelia Joolie:

2 responses to “RTC Secret Memo: Celebrities

  1. The fact that Stock Photo Scientologists never get involved in any out ethics situations or create any problems for OSA’s PR Area Control programs is a huge plus. Look at all the money that will be saved on goldenrod!!!! The only problem that I can see is that it might be difficult for a Stock Photo Scientologist to actually have a credit card or any other means of securing vast sums of money to donate to the IAS. Does this mean that BDSSILC members will have to come up with some extra cash to cover for these lame ass Stock Photo Scientologists who are out exchange and can’t even pay their way into a Ideal Org fundraising event?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Of course BDSSILC members will have to “come up with some extra cash to cover for these lame ass Stock Photo Scientologists.” That is how BDSSILC members maintain their exchange with these beautiful stock photo Scientology celebrities.

      Like

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