Tag Archives: Church of Stock Photo Scientologists

RTC Secret Memo: Celebrities


Actress Elisabeth Moss Joins Scientology’s Elite “Fuck You” Club

COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has determined that celebrities pose too many risks to Scientology. Therefore, COB decrees the following:

1. Thanks to a generous $500,000,000 donation, the Celebrity Centre Int will be renamed The Bob Duggan Scientology Success in Life Centre. Only those Scientologists with an annual income of $3,000,000 USD or more are eligible to join the BDSSILC. The emphasis will be on success, money, IAS Patron Status, and not on celebrity or going up the, uhh, that thing, err, what’s it called? The Bridge to total, umm, something. Whatever it was the Founder was hobbyhorsing about all time with his complicated charts and scales and whatnot. We in RTC aren’t really into it because if you’re a major IAS Patron you’re automatically an OT8 so don’t worry about it.

2. Grant and Elena Cardone will chair the BDSSILC OT Committee.

3. Except for Tom Cruise and a few others, most of the existing Scientology celebrities are demoted to the status of PAC Base publics. None of them have done us any good. Tom Cruise will become a BDSSILC public.

4. Due to their creepy and embarrassing videos, Bodhi and Jenna Elfman are demoted to SFV publics and ordered to move to the Valley. They have lost their Hollywood/Los Feliz privileges for gross out ethics.

5. Elisabeth Moss flipping off the camera at the Emmys was too much for COB. Moss is being sec checked at Int Base for the next several months on her evil purposes to destroy Scientology.

6. Just as STAND has created fake stock photo Scientologists, the Church will create fake stock photo celebrity members. Stock photo Scientology celebrities pose no PR risks and will not escape and write books or do television shows. Our launch stock photo Scientology celebrity is Angelia Joolie:

Scientology STAND Members Attack SP’s!

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Finally folks, let’s have a big hand for our STAND members, both fake and real, as well as COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige! VGI’s all around for sticking it to the SP’s!

giphy

Church of Scientology Leader David Miscavige Made the Butt of Jokes!

COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige was called the “big cheese” by the unfunny joker & degrader Conan O’Brien. Scientologists — both real and Stock Photo Scientologists — have protested to Conan O’Brien:

The Conan O’Brien Show
Burbank, CA 90068

Dear Mr. O’Brien,

I read the press today about your recent show with Leah Remini…Having watched the segment, I was especially disappointed by some of the gratuitous comments you made in interviewing Ms. Remini, notably a snarky reference to the Church’s leader as “the big cheese,” and questioning Ms. Remini on why the Church “is not suing” her… I found it personally offensive and I was embarrassed for you.

Thank you.

Catriona McKenzie
Ontario, Calif.

First, COB is neither big nor is he a cheese. COB is 5’1″(129.5 cm) and is made of substance that, while having the consistency of a warm and lumpy melted cheese on a hot summer day, smells far worse and is often found on the bottom of shoes.

Second, Catriona McKenzie is a stock photo Scientologist, i.e. she is not real and is rather a completely fake Scientologist used by STAND. But that’s not the point. The point is this: If Catriona McKenzie were a real Scientologist she would be outraged!

Third, we in the Church of Scientology have not sued Leah Remini because that would risk Mr. Miscavige being deposed in what would surely become a fishing trip into what critics have unfairly characterized as his “criminality, lies, perjury, and violence.” Simply put, Mr. Miscavige could never get a fair hearing in a wog court where savagely beating one’s acussers is not allowed as we understand the matter.

COB has been lampooned and parodied by many suppressive persons. Unfortunately, even in this age of cheap and unlimited bandwidth, bandwidth limitations prevent us from naming and shaming these millions of people who have chortled at COB and alleged that he is both a clownish incompetent buffoon and a violent self-aggrandizing narcissist.

Fundraising Begins for Ideal Stock Photo Scientology Org

“With the booming numbers of stock photo Scientologists joining STAND, these stock photo publics need their own dedicated Org to service their special needs,” said Ken Delusion, Executive Director of Stock Photo Parishioner Services.

“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has identified the perfect future Ideal Stock Photo Scientology Org. $8,000,000 is needed to license this image. Fundraising begins now. Real Scientologists are expected to donate to help stock photo Scientologists who have no money as they are mock ups. Of course,” Delusion added, “these stock photo Scientologists have a very aesthetic wavelength.”

The Future Ideal Stock Photo Scientology Org:

The Church of Stock Photo Scientologists

Alicia.Selverson

The Church of Stock Photo Scientologists (CSPS) is a church within the ecclesiastical hierarchy of the churches of Scientology.

The CSPS exists to ensure that the Church of Scientology never has less than 12,000,000 members no matter what.

“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige really likes Stock Photo Scientologists as they they have no HE&R, are not CICS, and they say whatever Mr. Miscavige wants them to say. Moreover, Stock Photo Scientologists are all young and beautiful Caucasians with perfect white teeth,” said Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “In other words Stock Photo Scientologists are PR perfect Scientologists!”