Category Archives: OTVIIIisGrrr8!

John Travolta Confused, Upset as Gotti Bombs. Scientology Actor Blames the Psychs.

giphy

WTF? Where is everybody? The theatre is empty on the opening weekend of Gotti. This is the pic I slaved ten years to get on the screen! I betcha all of you Psychs & SP’s on the internet sabotaged it! Me and Kelly need to redo our Scientology PTS/SP course pronto!

Travolta Marathon on Scientology TV This Weekend!


“Widely savaged by wog film critics as the worst mobster film ever, John Travolta’s Gotti has been yanked from theaters and will be released tomorrow on Scientology TV,” announced Ken Delusion, the newly appointed VP of SMP.

“John Travolta’s schmacting, Kelly Preston’s painful overacting, and the general horribleness of the film complements Battlefield Earth splendidly,” gushed Delusion. “This weekend’s Travolta Marathon on Scientology TV will be epic!”

Xenu’s Criminal Associate Arrested


“Spacelord Xenu’s long-time criminal associate Darth Vader was arrested and taken into custody at the Scientology World Fair in Hemet,” announced International Justice Chief Mr. Ken Delusion.

“Vader was spotted in the Operating Thetan Pavilion trying to steal upper level materials as these fetch astronomically high prices on both the Marcabian Black Market and in Hong Kong,” Delusion reported.

“Alert RTC security forces overpowered and apprehended Vader — a criminal fugitive who has been on Scientology’s Top Ten Most Wanted Listed since 1983. Vader will be imprisoned in an electronic mountain prison without bail while he awaits trial on millions of felony charges of Implanting Humans by use of Reverse Dianetics.

Scientology Uber Driver Issues Tone 40 Commands

The trained Scientologist never Q&A’s with the reactive mind of a wog. Here we see GAT II trained Scientologist and OTVII Ted Malinowski repeating the command to a stupid wog. In doing so, Ted goes into the winning valence of COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige.

Image

Scientology DC-8 spaceplanes proven to exist! Checkmate haters!

Scientology, Toilet Paper, and Electricity


We in the Religious Technology Center are busy, busy, busy handling planetary emergencies. We sometimes even have to handle off-planet emergencies, e.g. the Implanters Union #47 is on strike again at the Mars implanting stations. What’s wrong with those fuckers? Ten cents an hour is all we in Scientology pay anybody except for our wog lawyers. If the Martian implanters don’t like it they can go work for some other religion. What’s that you say? No other religion uses implanters? Well then it looks like you’ll have to take our deal or starve!

Being so busy, we in RTC are sick and tired of hearing this same complaint over and over from Scientology Orgs:

Your local IDEAL Scientology org has an even more critical emergency!! It’s the “we sent all our income to COB so now we can’t pay the utility bills, and can’t even pay for toilet paper” emergency!!

Why do staff members at downstat Orgs constantly whine about having no electricity and no toilet paper? The fact is that your lack of havingness is because you pulled it in due to LOW OR NO PRODUCTION! It’s right there in policy! It’s not our job in RTC to see that your asses are wiped or that you have electricity so stop with the hat dumping! It’s your job to MAKE IT GO RIGHT! No more  nattering or you will be beaten!

The STPE Triangle clearly shows that production is what makes it all happen. If Scientology staff members want auditing, toilet paper, and electricity then they need to produce and bring in money. In other words, “Coffee is for closers!”

 

Emergency Funding Needed by Scientology to Prevent the “Henry Bemis Scenario”

Henry.Bemis.1

Scientology’s ultra-secret Church of Spiritual Technology has spent hundreds of millions of dollars constructing nuclear-proof underground vaults to protect the works of the Founder. When Armageddon occurs the survivors will be able to read and hear the written and spoken words of the Founder.

But what happens in the “Henry Bemis Scenario” when a survivor of Armageddon accidentally breaks his or her eyeglasses or begins to lose their hearing? If this happens — and it will happen following Armageddon — then Scientology’s Tech cannot go forward and will die! All will be lost!

Henry.Bemis.4
To prevent the tragic Henry Bemis Scenario, we in the Church of Scientology are on an emergency fundraise with a goal of $250,000,000 USD.

These monies will be used to build robotic optometry and hearing aid facilities at all CST vaults. Only by doing this can we guarantee the future survival of Scientology.