Scientology Media Productions’ new show The Troika breaks all Scientology broadcasting records by averaging 1200 views per episode.
A simulacrum of the bloody severed head of President Trump was Kathy Griffin’s proposed example of what Scientology FAIR GAME should look like in 2017. Needless to say, Griffin’s visual did not go over well with focus groups.
Moreover, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige wanted something different than your basic Scientology head on a pike — and that’s why the depraved goons in the Office of Special Affairs called upon the services of George Remini and Dana Connaughton.
We in RTC have to agree that this gruesome twosome are far more offensive to our sensibilities than anything Kathy Griffin did:
David Miscavige and Lee Baca: The new faces of Criminon, Scientology’s criminal rehabilitation program. Donate today for a better tomorrow.
“The global demand for Scientology is huge, just incredibly huge,” exclaimed Scientology Media Czar Ken Delusion. “Folks, Scientology is fabulous, just fabulous. We are a winning Church with beautiful people.”
“Let me be clear on Scientology’s huge results: COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige continues to open Ideal Orgs at a blistering pace of 33 per day. That is amazing. We now have 217,918 Ideal Orgs scattered across the fifteen continents and 3208 countries of the world. Even in Tanzania folks. Scientology is everywhere. We are even under your bed at night when you sleep.”
“Literally we are under your bed beaming waves into your mind at night while you sleep. And that is why Scientology doesn’t want you to take Psych drugs or NyQuil or drink alcohol before you go to bed at night as these drugs block our waves from reaching deeply into your mind.”
“We want you to be fabulous and huge just like the rest of us in Scientology. That can only happen if you cooperate and let Scientology into your mind. Once we are in your mind then *POW!* the magic happens! You become one of us!”
“And now a public service message:
Emperor Revoltingdrool of the Helotrobus Confederation aka David Miscavige
COB RTC David Miscavige — whose real galactic identity is Emperor Revoltingdrool of the Helotrobus Confederation — had promised the Marcabs a choice 1.4 acre site in Downtown Clearwater as a landing pad for Marcabian implanting ships. This land was the linchpin of a very secret RTC-Marcab exchange deal.
“The Marcabs need this land to build an enclosed shelter in which they can safely harvest the body parts of Scientology OT’s. The Marcabs desperately need BT-free OT body parts to fortify their DNA, weakened as it is by eons of Psych drugs,” declared RTC spokesthetan Ken Delusion.
“BT’s inherently crave Psych drugs,” explained Flag medical director Dr. Juan Diego San Kool de Menthol. “Therefore, the appeal of OT BT-Free DNA is that it can be transfused into Marcabs without any resultant cravings for more Psych drugs. Conversely, transfusing BT-laden wog DNA creates an even worse craving for Psych drugs.”
“In exchange for OT body parts,” Delusion commented, “the Marcabs had agreed to give Emperor Revoltingdrool their GEN 4 implanting equipment for exclusive use at Flag. This new GEN 4 implanting equipment can be used to raise donations to Scientology by 47,000%.”
“But then Emperor Revoltingdrool was betrayed by a Psych conspiracy between CMA and the City of Clearwater. The Marcabs are furious. They are demanding that Emperor Revoltingdrool ‘do whatever it takes’ to snatch back that parcel of land from the City of Clearwater.”
“Emperor Revoltingdrool is considering an ultimatum: If the City does not convey the land to the Church by 0700 hours this weekend, then Dianetiks Tanks Battalion #8 will once again be deployed in Clearwater to impose Emperor Revoltingdrool’s iron will upon the wog citizenry of the decadent kicked-in-head City of Clearwater!”
COB learns the hard way that wog lawyers only love him so long as the checks keep rolling in: