Tag Archives: David Miscavige
“Bitter defrocked White House strategist Steve Bannon today joined COB RTC David Miscavige’s senior management team,” announced Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.
“Mr. Bannon joins former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci who was hired last month to run Scientology Media Productions.”
“Steve Bannon will take over as Managing Editor of Scientology’s flagship Freedom Magazine. His main his role will be to Fair Game and Dead Agent those who are speaking out and exposing Scientology’s North Korean style regime. Scientologists can expect to see many more hate-filled and paranoid articles in Freedom. There just haven’t been enough according to surveys. Hatred and paranoia both sell extremely well inside of Scientology,” Delusion noted.
“Bannon’s first issue of Freedom will include a rousing defense of Confederate War Memorials; an attack on so-called gay rights; and a strategy to use First Amendment religious protections to shield Scientologists who have been accused of various felonies and sex crimes.”
Scientology is on lockdown as Hurricane Leah makes landfall tonight on A&E. Scientology and the Aftermath.
We in Scientology are not a Cult! Plenty of religions have paramilitaries, prisons, beat their clergy & conduct interrogations on members.
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged beatings, Cult, David Miscavige, interrogations, paramilitary, prison, Scientology, Sea Org, Sea Organization, sec checks, the hole, the SP hole
“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige is pleased to announced the appointment of Mr. Anthony Scaramucci as the new Executive Director of Scientology Media Productions,” said Ken Delusion at the regular Monday press conference. “COB feels that Scaramucci will bring with him that ‘rip everyone a new asshole’ work ethic which COB feels is vital for getting anything done in Scientology.”
“Former SMP E/D Stayta Kleer has been sent to the RPF’s RPF at the Pyongyang Ideal Org due to her chronic counter-intentionedness and evil purposes against COB. Stayta Kleer was trying to destroy Scientology organizations and produced ZERO product for SMP during her one year tenure as E/D.”
“The failure of SMP to produce anything is all her fault. COB gave her every opportunity to do something, anything, and all he got from her was excuses such as ‘SMP has no money, we have not been given any money to do anything. Staff is not being paid and has not been paid for one year yada yada yada.’ Well sorry but that’s not COB’s problem. Stayta Kleer’s job was to make it go right and she didn’t.”
The Church of Scientology is pleased to announce its newest venture: Theta Movers. This full service moving company is here to service all your moving needs when OSA has ordered you to move far away from neighboring SP’s, particularly when these SP’s are family who want to stop your Bridge progress.
“While we in the Church of Scientology most definitely do not practice Disconnection as portrayed by the ASC-controlled wog media,” said VP of Disconnection Services Mr. Ken Delusion, “We strongly feel that no Scientologist should be forced to live near any source of enturbulances or suppression who are hostile to their practice of Scientology and its policy of Disconnection, a policy that is widely misunderstood.”
“Disconnection does not ‘break up families’ as claimed,” emphasized Mr. Delusion who has not spoken to his own parents in ten years after they were declared SP’s for reading entheta on the internet, “Rather, Disconnection simply rearranges families and changes ‘communication‘ to ‘no communication.’ And indeed as the Founder said, ‘No communication with disaffected family members prevents a chaos of thinkingness, a flood of restimulative human emotion and reaction in which the gung ho Scientologist feels torn between the Church and his or her family. Dramatizing family is a homo sap weakness, nothing more than genetic entity think and the Homo Novis is a skyscraper higher than such concerns, particularly when Scientology so desperately needs more money.”
“It is a high crime, a violation of KSW to put family before the Church,” Delusion pointedly insisted. “And even my own parents know how easy it is to get back in touch with me. They simply need to do A-E, make up the damage they’ve done to the group, and strike an effective blow against the members of the group they’ve been pretending to be a member of. Marty has set a sterling example in this regard as he suffers up through the conditions.”
“In happier news,” said Delusion, “the new Hubbard Trailer Rancho has opened in Dunedin. Named after the Founder, this older trailer park was acquired by the ILO recently with IAS funds. The park features affordable single wide trailer homes and is intended for those Scientologists who don’t have the reach or wherewithal to afford a stick built home. And per Scientology policy, the Hubbard Trailer Rancho is ringed with a razor wire fence to keep SP’s out and Scientologists in.”
In response to a recent survey of Scientology parishioners, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has ordered all Ideal Orgs to install for-pay toilet paper dispensers. This will allow Scientologists to purchase either coarse of fine grade sheets of toilet paper.
“For the Church of Scientology to just give toilet paper away for free would be completely out exchange,” explained Ken Delusion, Executive Director of Bowel Movementology. “And so COB decided to offer coarse and fine grades of toilet paper. The fine grade toilet paper is “highly deluxe movie star grade toilet paper” and obviously costs a small fortune. This is the stuff Tom Cruise uses.”
“The coarse grade stuff is an economy tissue we purchase from Bulgravia. Made from recycled asphalt dyed white, it is rough but much cheaper. It is perfect for downstat Scientologists who lack the wherewithal and reach to afford the fine toilet paper.”
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged church of scientology, David Miscavige, Ideal Orgs, Ken Delusion, movie star toilet paper, no toilet paper, Scientologists, scientology spokesman, toilet paper, toilet paper dispensers, Tom Cruise