Tag Archives: David Miscavige

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David Miscavige Reacts to the Clearwater Marine Aquarium’s Refusal to sell Scientology the 1.4 Acre Parcel

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Wog Lawyers

COB learns the hard way that wog lawyers only love him so long as the checks keep rolling in:

 

Marcabs Invade PAC Base!

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PAC Base Incident Report: 2213 Hours: Warships of the Marcabian Confederation decloaked and criminally penetrated Scientology airspace in an attempt to steal the OT materials. This violation of the RTC-Marcabian treaty may lead to war. Fleet Admiral David Miscavige has vowed to stop the recent unchecked episodes of Marcabian aggression and incursions into Scientology airspace.

Bottom line: The Marcabs will never get the OT materials and may never receive auditing in this or any other lifetime until they confess their crimes and give Scientology their exteriorization technology. We in Scientology need the Marcabian exteriorization technology because ours doesn’t work and never has.

Scientology to Sue City of Clearwater for Eleventy Billion Dollars!

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The so-called “City of Clearwater” is a cynical wog legal fiction. Created and funded by Big Pharma only to torment, harass, and impede the progress of Scientology, Clearwater’s latest outrage occurred last evening when it’s Psych-infested city council voted 5-0 to purchase a 1.4 acre parcel of land for $4.5 million dollars. This was done for selfish motives and purely to piss off Scientology and COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige.

Mr. Miscavige had generously offered the Aquarium $15 million for this worthless piece of dirt as part of his sweeping vision to create a 21st century Downtown Clearwater. But no, the fix was in: The wholetrack SP criminals at the Aquarium had engaged in a conspiracy with the City Council to deprive Scientology of this vitally needed piece of land. The Church of Scientology plans to sue the City of Clearwater for eleventy billion dollars. Our wog lawyers will allege that both Scientology and the citizens of Clearwater have been irreparably harmed.

COB had planned to build an Olympic-sized pool and stadium on the land. With seating for 50,000 people, the new Scientology Super Power Olympic Aquatic Center would have allowed Clearwater to bid for the 2024 Summer Olympics. However, the Psychs have now destroyed all hopes for the glory that could have been Downtown Clearwater:

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The Scientology Super Power Olympic Aquatic Center will never be built in Clearwater thanks to the Psychs on the City Council. However, the IAS is fundraising to build this urgently needed aquatic facility in San Jacinto, California.

 

Scientology Leader David Miscavige Arrested in North Korea

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In an attempt to punish America, North Korea arrested Scientology leader David Miscavige during his inspection tour of Scientology’s Ideal Org Pyongyang.

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un said that America will now quickly collapse without the supremely wise guidance and leadership of the great humanitarian David Miscavige.

Asked for a comment by reporters, the US State Department replied, “North Korea apparently reads and believes Scientology’s websites to be true. This is quite comical.”

When pressed for a response to David Miscavige having been sentenced to 25 years of hard manual labor on a prison farm, a US State Department official commented that the weather in North Korea was actually rather pleasant this time of year.

Damage Control Scientology Style

UA CEO: Hello Dave? Did you get the wire transfer I sent you for PR damage control consulting?

COB: It arrived safely.

UA CEO: This incident on the plane… it’s getting uglier by the second. People think United Airlines is evil and that I’m the Antichrist himself.

COB: Tell me about it. That’s my life most days.

UA CEO: You guys in Scientology know all about being in bad situations… I just need help.

COB: Here’s what my people in the Office ah Spe-shul Affairs found out. The guy your goons dragged off the plane and beat is a freakin’ pervert with a capital P! I mean what we got here is a rageaholic doctor trading ass for narcotics. Jesus R6 Cheerist! How I wish this guy was a wealthy Scientologist! I could clip him for $25,000,000 easy!

UA CEO: So whadda I do?

COB: Whadda do?! Lou can you believe it? This effin wog gets it handed to him on a silver platter and he don’t know whadda do. You stupid meat body wog! Look, I took care of it for ya’s. That’s why ya’s pays me the big moola! I had my people in Office ah Spe-shul Affairs publish the dirt on this here pervert doctor all over the place. We put this guy on trial!

UA CEO: Lemme look at the interweb here… Dave, I see it! The guy looks like a freakin’ criminal scumbag!

COB: Exactamundo! That’s the beauty of Fair Game. You beat a guy to a pulp and suddenly he’s the pervert and the criminal! I do it all the time. Now just write this perv a check and have your wog lawyers make him sign a buncha contracts to shut up and go away.

UA CEO: You’re the best Dave!

COB: Thanks for the ack. Now while I gotcha on the phone it seems my people in the Office ah Spe-shul Affairs found some stuff on ya’s that ain’t so good while they was digging…

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COB’s Sticky Buns!

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