Dear Bob Jr.

Dear Bob Jr.,

You father Bob Sr. attended a Scientology event in 1952 at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles where he purchased a copy of Dianetics. Our records indicate that he never returned our endless four decades of phone calls, letters, and magazines  dropped his body in 1991.

Bob, Scientology was very important to your father in 1952 and so it should be important to you. However, our records show you have never had any contact with Scientology whatsoever.

Bob make your late father proud and purchase a Scientology library today. Let’s do this the easy way. Call us with a credit card. Don’t make us come to your house.


Brenda Bahlbraker
Letter Reg
Church of Scientology Los Angeles





COB Inna Box


“We in RTC can’t believe how inexpensive it was to hire international superstar Bill Cosby to be the face of our new COB Inna Box™ pudding for Scientologists” enthused Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Scientologists are raving about the 99% vanilla flavor of this sticky little box of Scientology pudding! We invite you to try some today!”

Tom Cruise Promoted to Rear Admiral; Given Highest Scientology Award Ever


Scientology Sea Org Fleet Admiral David Miscavige today promoted Captain Tom Cruise to Rear Admiral and awarded him with the Order of the Operating Golden Thetan VIII, the highest medal ever given in the Church of Scientology’s history.

Admiral Cruise’s promotion and medal were given in honor of the eleventh anniversary of Mr. Cruise having destroyed Psychiatry once and for all:

The Church of Scientology Celebrity Routing Out Sec Check

“With the sudden and unexpected news of Jason Lee’s public announcement that he no longer practices Scientology, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has ordered the new Church of Scientology Celebrity Routing Out Sec Check to be used on all celebrities who may get the idea they can just willy nilly leave Scientology,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “After all that COB did for Jason Lee, well, COB considers that Jason Lee is forwarding enemies lines. Mr. Lee may expect his SP Declare to be posted at CC Int this very day.”

The Church of Scientology Celebrity Routing Out Sec Check — to be used on any Scientology celebrity who originates that he or she wishes to leave Scientology.

Those times you secretly went Out 2-D? How do you feel about TMZ publishing the details?

What evil purposes do you have to destroy Scientology?

How do you feel about having OSA put up multiple hate websites on you?

Have you ever raped a baby?

Your numerous drug relapses? How do you feel about your drug dealers confirming the details and the National Enquirer publishing the details?

What are your crimes against COB?

All of the nasty things you said in session about Steven Spielberg, George Clooney, Angelia Jolie, and other powerful directors and movie stars who could ruin your career? How do you feel about TMZ publishing the details?

How many planets have you destroyed?

Your bi-curious and/or homosexual experimentation? How do you feel about the National Enquirer publishing the details and photos of these trysts?

How many civilizations have you enslaved?

The illegitimate child you had with the hired help? How do you feel about TMZ publishing the details and photos?

Have you ever smuggled diamonds?

The bikini wax session with Pablo that turned into a quickie? How do you feel about the National Enquirer publishing the details and photos?

Who have you implanted this lifetime?

The numerous massages with Raul that all had a very happy ending? How do you feel about TMZ publishing the details and photos?

The “pearl necklace” incidents in your trailer on location? How do you feel about TMZ publishing the details and photos?

Regarding all those times you broke into COB’s cabin on Maiden Voyage events to secretly sniff COB’s socks and underwear: How do you feel about TMZ publishing this story?

Part 2 from I/G Tech Techie:

Do you have disposable cash that could be donated to the IAS? (Session breaks for trips to the IAS Reg, Repeat to End Phenomenon of Broke).

Did you say anything critical about David Miscavige?

Have you revealed any unacceptable truths to the press?

Have you been in contact with persons who have left the Church? Who and how often?

Have you had fun or enjoyed yourself?

Note to the auditor: Run the Scientology Celebrity Routing Out Sec Check to an F/N with the EP: “I have changed my mind about leaving Scientology and wish to stay. Here is my $1,000,000 check to the IAS to make up for the damage I have done to the group. Thank you COB for this chance to redeem myself.”

Now it Can be Told: Hillary Clinton Got Pneumonia After Exposure to the OT Materials!


Hillary Clinton was exposed to the OT materials without the proper set-ups at Flag. As a result, she caught pneumonia and began freewheeling through her implants. Hillary called all of the BT’s in her implants a “Basket of Deplorables.”

Senior C/S Int Captain COB RTC David Miscavige* investigated this matter and declared, “Donald Trump has been found to be the Psych Implanter behind the squirrel preps at Flag that caused Hilary’s improper OT set-ups. OSA has handled Donald Trump by locking him up in the SP Hole.”

“We handled Hillary Clinton’s pneumonia by putting her on a treadmill in the Purif to run out the pneumonia. We also have Hillary smoking cigarettes every fifteen minutes as cigarette smoke pushes nuclear radiation out of the body and Hillary was found to be highly radioactive.”

*COB RTC David Miscavige must never be called Captain.

Warning: Scientology’s Founder on the OT Levels and pneumonia:

The implant is calculated to kill (by pneumonia etc) anyone who attempts to solve it. This liability has been dispensed with by my tech development. One can freewheel through the implant and die unless it is approached as precisely outlined. The “freewheel” (auto-running on and on) lasts too long, denies sleep etc and one dies. So be careful to do only Incidents I and II as given and not plow around and fail to complete one thetan at a time.


RTC IG/J&D Captain HelluvaHoax on Refunds

The Lost Tech of Refunds  has been located by RTC IG/J&D Captain HelluvaHoax of ESMB (External Scientology Messengers Bureaux). VWD HH!

The Psychiatric Illuminati Behind “Burning Man” Incinerate Mankind’s Only Hope of Salvation in a Scientology Witch Hunt

“Once again the Psychiatric Illuminati have attacked Mankind’s only hope of salvation when they burned Scientology scripture in their Scientology witch hunt,” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Freedom Magazine has discovered that the Psychs behind Burning Man had premeditated this plot to burn Scientology in effigy while pretending it was an ‘artistic statement’ decrying our sacred doctrine of Disconnection. Yet as actual study on art by the Founder has shown, artists would never call sacrilege art. Serious artists such as Tom Cruise only make art that has a high aesthetic wavelength.”

“This bonfire unequivocally proves that the anti-Scientology community has now become far worse than OSA, Fair Game, RPF, Sea Org child labor, Sea Org slavery, and Disconnection rolled into one,” complained Delusion. “Setting ablaze a depiction of our holy religious doctrine of Disconnection is an act of hate.”

“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has authorized the IAS to spend $1.2 billion dollars to purchase 500,000 acres of land in the Black Rock desert of Gerlach, Nevada. This privatization of the land will put an end to all future Burning Man festivals. That Burning Man is backed by the Psychiatric Illuminati is easily proven by the blasphemous Temple of Xenu at which human sacrifices were conducted,” Delusion noted.