“A dangerous crevasse opened beneath the Church of Scientology as we tried to go into 2020,” reported Expedition Commander Ken Delusion. “Our safest move is to reverse course back and head back […]
Scientology: Spying on the Buddha!
Knowledge Report The Buddha has suppressive tendencies and is engaged in, and promoting, an offbeat practice named after himself. Specifically, the Buddha teaches detachment from what he calls “illusory mental forms.” A […]
Xenu Arrested for DUI After Colliding With Santa Claus
“Xenu was 3x over the legal limit,” said State Trooper Rock Slammer. “Xenu didn’t even realize he had flown into Santa’s sleigh until we were handcuffing him at the scene for DUI.” […]
Launch of Boeing Built Scientology Spaceship: Critical Mission Update
While the the wogs were buzzing with the Christmas R6 implant, we in the Church of Scientology labored at Lunar Base 47. Our goal: Conquest of the Earth by Scientology. Galactic Fleet […]
Scientology Leader David Miscavige Plunges Into a Deep Depression After Learning the Mormons Have $100 Billion Stashed Away
Upon first reading the news that the Mormon Church has $100 billion stashed away in Ensign Peak Advisors, Scientology leader David Miscavige was convinced this was fake news or possibly even satire. […]
David Miscavige Injured in His Attempts to Save the World; Now Unable to Make Court Appearance
“Defendant Miscavige is not available for deposition,” explained Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “It seems COB needs a walker these days after he broke his back heroically piloting OTIX and OTX. The fifteen […]
Scientology: We Stand Tall
Bodhi Elfman and the Secret of Scientology Anus Whitening
Now we know what really goes on aboard the Scientology ship Freewinds when it’s out to sea: A group whitening process. Bon voyage on your Scientology journey to… a white anus.