Tag Archives: OTVIIIisGrrr8!

Applications now being accepted for the Sea Org One Billion Year Smoking Club!

* Do you like smoking cigarettes and lots of them? We do too! So does COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige! So did L. Ron Hubbard!

* Do you like the idea of smoking cigarettes while working for a billion years to clear the planet? We do too! So does COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige! So did L. Ron Hubbard!

Now you can have the best of both worlds by joining the Sea Org One Billion Year Smoking Club! Benefits include a bunk, rice and beans, and a theater usher uniform! Plus you get to be in a fake Navy! Applications now being accepted! Past LSD use is no longer a problem! In fact, if you have a pulse and can walk you’re welcome to the Sea Org!

Scientology + Heavy Cigarette Smoking = Thetan Satisfaction!

The Horror!

Having returned home unexpectedly early from a business trip, New OVIII Juanita Romero walked into her bedroom that night and caught her husband watching… Scientology and the Aftermath!

Church of Scientology Leader David Miscavige Made the Butt of Jokes!

COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige was called the “big cheese” by the unfunny joker & degrader Conan O’Brien. Scientologists — both real and Stock Photo Scientologists — have protested to Conan O’Brien:

The Conan O’Brien Show
Burbank, CA 90068

Dear Mr. O’Brien,

I read the press today about your recent show with Leah Remini…Having watched the segment, I was especially disappointed by some of the gratuitous comments you made in interviewing Ms. Remini, notably a snarky reference to the Church’s leader as “the big cheese,” and questioning Ms. Remini on why the Church “is not suing” her… I found it personally offensive and I was embarrassed for you.

Thank you.

Catriona McKenzie
Ontario, Calif.

First, COB is neither big nor is he a cheese. COB is 5’1″(129.5 cm) and is made of substance that, while having the consistency of a warm and lumpy melted cheese on a hot summer day, smells far worse and is often found on the bottom of shoes.

Second, Catriona McKenzie is a stock photo Scientologist, i.e. she is not real and is rather a completely fake Scientologist used by STAND. But that’s not the point. The point is this: If Catriona McKenzie were a real Scientologist she would be outraged!

Third, we in the Church of Scientology have not sued Leah Remini because that would risk Mr. Miscavige being deposed in what would surely become a fishing trip into what critics have unfairly characterized as his “criminality, lies, perjury, and violence.” Simply put, Mr. Miscavige could never get a fair hearing in a wog court where savagely beating one’s acussers is not allowed as we understand the matter.

COB has been lampooned and parodied by many suppressive persons. Unfortunately, even in this age of cheap and unlimited bandwidth, bandwidth limitations prevent us from naming and shaming these millions of people who have chortled at COB and alleged that he is both a clownish incompetent buffoon and a violent self-aggrandizing narcissist.

Scientology is a Workable Technology.

Scientology Media Productions Collapses; Rushed to Intensive Care Unit

smp.COLLAPSES

Scientology Media Productions collapsed today on a sidewalk and was rushed to the Hollywood Religious Hospital by paramedics. “SMP’s prognosis is grim,” said staff specialist Dr. Metah Bolic. “My colleagues report that SMP suffered a catastrophic rupture of its credibility given the fact that it has produced no product for over a year since its grand opening.”

“Hollywood insiders have long suspected that SMP was just another Scientology scam,” remarked Dr. Bolic who specializes in Fraudology at the Hollywood Religious Hospital. “And today’s tests seem to confirm it. Fraud is blocking SMP’s coronary arteries. SMP is basically in a vegetative state, wearing a diaper, and on life support.”

“OT’s have been at the hospital’s Intensive Care Unit all day yelling ‘come back into that body!‘ commands at SMP,” Dr. Metah Bolic stated. “But so far no luck. It appears that the thetan of SMP has left the body and only the genetic entity remains. The Church of Scientology will soon need to consider pulling the plug on SMP and ending this useless, tragic, and expensive farce.”

A Joking & Degrading Tweet from Kels‏ @kellykels_melbs!

SCN

Marcabs Invade PAC Base!

Marcabs.11

PAC Base Incident Report: 2213 Hours: Warships of the Marcabian Confederation decloaked and criminally penetrated Scientology airspace in an attempt to steal the OT materials. This violation of the RTC-Marcabian treaty may lead to war. Fleet Admiral David Miscavige has vowed to stop the recent unchecked episodes of Marcabian aggression and incursions into Scientology airspace.

Bottom line: The Marcabs will never get the OT materials and may never receive auditing in this or any other lifetime until they confess their crimes and give Scientology their exteriorization technology. We in Scientology need the Marcabian exteriorization technology because ours doesn’t work and never has.