“We in the Church of Scientology are furious with QAnon!” roared Ken Delusion. “Selling paranoia and fear and implaning people is Scientology’s core business market,” Delusion emphasized. “QAnon has no goddamned business trying to cut into our lucrative Fear and Porn market.
“There are no e-meters in the between-lives area,” Flag Senior C/S Stayta Kleer warned Scientologists. “You’ve got to make it to full OT this time around.” “What a dangerous thought to consider: […]
Do you have what it takes to be the fourth Mrs. Tom Cruise? Open enrollment for Tom Cruise wife auditions runs through December 2019. Please send photos and your all-important incisor teeth […]
“We in RTC have found direct evidence that Big Pharma sabotaged the neural network we implant into OT III’s,” said Inspector General Tech Mr. Ken Delusion. “We found the Sike Virus A […]
“Spacelord Xenu’s long-time criminal associate Darth Vader was arrested and taken into custody at the Scientology World Fair in Hemet,” announced International Justice Chief Mr. Ken Delusion. “Vader was spotted in the […]
Scientology Media Productions collapsed today on a sidewalk and was rushed to the Hollywood Religious Hospital by paramedics. “SMP’s prognosis is grim,” said staff specialist Dr. Metah Bolic. “My colleagues report that […]
“As a Scientology OT, Jenna Elfman’s ability to telepathically audit her BT’s made her a natural to play the part of a grown woman who talks to an imaginary childhood friend,” said […]
Tom Cruise gains 50 pounds to play L. Ron Hubbard in Scientology Media Production’s upcoming LRH biopic The Way to Make a Fortune is to Start a Religion!
The new Scientology One card. Pay for your OT levels on credit at a low rate of 28.6% monthly. Your children are required as collateral.
“If you’re stuck on the toilet, then surely you’ll be stuck on your Bridge as well,” declared Dr. Juan Diego San Kool de Menthol, New OTVIII, three L’s completions, OEC/FEBC with gold […]