Tag Archives: Stock Photo Scientologists

Stock Photo Scientologists Welcome Newest Member Jonas Hammond

Stock Photo Scientologist Jonas Hammond hails from Stockphoto City, a large town on the internet. If Jonas were a real person he would enjoy riding motorcycles.

Stock Photo Scientologists Executive Director Alicia Selverson today welcomed our newest nonexistent member Jonas Hammond. “Jonas is already wearing his hat and stepped in to defend Real Scientologist Taryn Teutsch on her Facebook page,” said Selverson.

“We Stock Photo Scientologists are here to help Taryn Teutsch on her Fair Game rampage of lunacy and lies,” averred Selverson. “The beauty of stock photos is that we, like Taryn, have absolutely no morals and no need for wog weaknesses such as truthfulness. We really are quite horrible — and that’s what makes us such great Scientologists!”

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Scientologist Taryn Teutsch is busy, busy, busy as a fake SJW.

The Church of Stock Photo Scientologists (CSPS) is a church within the ecclesiastical hierarchy of the churches of Scientology. CSPS has grown over 3000% in the past year alone as real Scientologists continue to blow in alarming numbers due to Marcab silent mind control radio putting blow thoughts into their heads.

RTC Secret Memo: Celebrities


Actress Elisabeth Moss Joins Scientology’s Elite “Fuck You” Club

COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has determined that celebrities pose too many risks to Scientology. Therefore, COB decrees the following:

1. Thanks to a generous $500,000,000 donation, the Celebrity Centre Int will be renamed The Bob Duggan Scientology Success in Life Centre. Only those Scientologists with an annual income of $3,000,000 USD or more are eligible to join the BDSSILC. The emphasis will be on success, money, IAS Patron Status, and not on celebrity or going up the, uhh, that thing, err, what’s it called? The Bridge to total, umm, something. Whatever it was the Founder was hobbyhorsing about all time with his complicated charts and scales and whatnot. We in RTC aren’t really into it because if you’re a major IAS Patron you’re automatically an OT8 so don’t worry about it.

2. Grant and Elena Cardone will chair the BDSSILC OT Committee.

3. Except for Tom Cruise and a few others, most of the existing Scientology celebrities are demoted to the status of PAC Base publics. None of them have done us any good. Tom Cruise will become a BDSSILC public.

4. Due to their creepy and embarrassing videos, Bodhi and Jenna Elfman are demoted to SFV publics and ordered to move to the Valley. They have lost their Hollywood/Los Feliz privileges for gross out ethics.

5. Elisabeth Moss flipping off the camera at the Emmys was too much for COB. Moss is being sec checked at Int Base for the next several months on her evil purposes to destroy Scientology.

6. Just as STAND has created fake stock photo Scientologists, the Church will create fake stock photo celebrity members. Stock photo Scientology celebrities pose no PR risks and will not escape and write books or do television shows. Our launch stock photo Scientology celebrity is Angelia Joolie:

Scientology STAND Members Attack SP’s!

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Finally folks, let’s have a big hand for our STAND members, both fake and real, as well as COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige! VGI’s all around for sticking it to the SP’s!

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