“COB RTC has issued a global disconnection order for Tuesday August 15, 2017,” announced Church spokesman Mr. Ken Delusion. “All Scientologists globally are ordered to disconnect from WiFi, cable, satellite dishes and all types of antennae capable of receiving the television show Scientology and the Aftermath.
“Scientologists are further ordered to unplug and store all devices capable of receiving broadcast signal. This includes computers, cell phones, tablets, televisions, radios, and all electronic gizmos, doodads, gimcracks, gee gaws, thingamabobs, thingamajigs, whatchamacallits, gadgets, idiot boxes, or any other widgets or contraptions capable of conducting electrons and emitting sound or visio. This is a total ban on all electron-powered doohickeys. There is to be no cheating upon pain of death.”
“Any Scientologist caught watching Leah or even ‘sneaking a peek’ this coming Tuesday August 15th will be dealt with by use of ecclesiastical thumbscrews, the rack, and so forth and so on. As Marcellus Wallace said in Pulp Fiction, COB says to all Scientologists, ‘I’m going to go medieval on your ass!’ This is your last and final warning to not watch Scientology and the Aftermath!” Delusion darkly intoned after which he pronounced dire Black Scientology voodoo curses upon the Psychs, the ASC, Henry Kissinger, and a long list of other SP’s who bedevil Scientology and all that is holy.
“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige is pleased to announced the appointment of Mr. Anthony Scaramucci as the new Executive Director of Scientology Media Productions,” said Ken Delusion at the regular Monday press conference. “COB feels that Scaramucci will bring with him that ‘rip everyone a new asshole’ work ethic which COB feels is vital for getting anything done in Scientology.”
“Former SMP E/D Stayta Kleer has been sent to the RPF’s RPF at the Pyongyang Ideal Org due to her chronic counter-intentionedness and evil purposes against COB. Stayta Kleer was trying to destroy Scientology organizations and produced ZERO product for SMP during her one year tenure as E/D.”
“The failure of SMP to produce anything is all her fault. COB gave her every opportunity to do something, anything, and all he got from her was excuses such as ‘SMP has no money, we have not been given any money to do anything. Staff is not being paid and has not been paid for one year yada yada yada.’ Well sorry but that’s not COB’s problem. Stayta Kleer’s job was to make it go right and she didn’t.”
COB RTC David Miscavige & Mr. Danny Masterson to headline at the Winning with Scientology Seminar at Celebrity Centre! Seats are limited. Book your tickets now. Event to be held in the CC Donkey Punch Pavilion.
Also speaking at the event will be LAPD Captain David Storaker and other LAPD command personnel whose consistent praise for the Church of Scientology shows just how much we in Scientology own these wog cops.
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged Captain David SToraker, Celebrity Centre, COB RTC David Miscavige, Danny Masterson, David Miscavige, David Storaker, donkey punch, LAPD, Los Angeles Police Department, rape, rapist
And now as we prepare to turn another page on eternity, let us look back on what we in the Church of Scientology did in 2016.
We almost finished the fundraise on the SFV Ideal Org:
We purged dirty cop Lee Whatshisname from all Scientology websites:
Thanks to the Golden Era SFX Department, none of the molded body parts or engineered hair appliances on John Travolta fell off or broke:
As it is written, when the mystical floating head of DAVID MISCAVIGE appears unto you, you will become One with Scientology and Tom Cruise.
From: COB RTC David Miscavige
To: OSA Legal
Re: The Way to Happiness Release Form
To keep our legal ruds in on the fact that Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard have never promised anyone anything, all VM’s are to have all wogs sign and date the new The Way to Happiness release form before they are given a copy of The Way to Happiness: