Tag Archives: Tom Cruise

Dr. Frank Wonderman: Why Counter-Intention on COB’s Lines Must Be Smashed!

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Comrade Dr. Frank Wonderman. Inspector General of the Scientology Office of Ideological Purity and Enforcement.

Just as Trotskyite wreckers and diversionists were a threat to the worker’s revolution in Russia, so too are Psych wreckers and diversionists who traffick in reasonableness a threat to Scientology’s noble aim of Planetary Clearing.

Even now sinister forces of criminal joking and degrading are at work to diminish the success of Scientology TV. This felonious jocularity maintains that Scientology TV and COB are both abysmal failures fit only to be tossed onto the trash heap of cultic history along with visionaries such as Herbert W. Armstrong, Charles Taze Russell, and Mary Baker Eddy. But the statistics show otherwise. With over 1,500 new viewers, COB’s $100 million investment in Scientology TV has been fully vindicated.

The Psychs howl and scream as their revenues collapse under the onslaught of Scientology TV and the surging and unstoppable tide of Ideal Orgs. The opposition and slander against COB and Scientology’s fully ideal scene is a tangled web of calumnies that all trace back to the nonsense of evolution, Freud, and the idea that Man is only his brain and that death extinguishes the thetan forever and ever. Yet the unassailable scientific evidence adduced by the e-meter clearly shows thetans have been around this universe for four quadrillion years and that Tom Cruise’s toothy grin is the result of astonishingly bad dental work made amazingly workable by the technologies of Dianetics and Scientology.

The Scientologist is to flourish and prosper in the face of entheta. And what is the full measure and proof of flourishing and prosperity except to increase one’s IAS Patron status? The IAS is the glorious Scientology revolution against the vicious Psych gestalt which holds thetans in its iron grip of electroshock, lobotomies, and the decadence of popular music and pornography! Rise up today and donate to the IAS!

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#SPYGATE

Why Does Tom Cruise Keep Leaving Scientology and Coming Back?

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Tom Cruise leaves Scientology every few years but then he always comes back.

Why?

Because the rumors are true: We in Scientology have all the dirt on Tom Cruise. We won’t publicly admit it, but this is how Scientology actually works.

Tom Cruise’s Escape from Scientology Thwarted by OSA Special Forces!

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Tom Cruise yesterday tried to escape from Scientology’s ultra-secret compound in Trementina, New Mexico. The 55 year old actor bolted from his cell, ran across the tarmac, and grabbed onto the side fuselage door of a departing Scientology Airbus A400M.

A pair of RTC x-wing fighters belonging to OSA Special Forces Air Wing #9 were scrambled. The lead x-wing zapped Tom Cruise with a tractor beam and hauled him back to Trementina Base. Cruise is now undergoing extensive security checking in an ecclesiastical reform center. The actor is obviously harboring evil purposes to destroy Scientology and COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige. We in RTC will find Tom Cruise’s crimes. Let this serve as a lesson to anyone Scientologist who is thinking of escaping: Scientology will capture and punish you!

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Scientologist Joy Villa: A Working Professional

Scientologist Joy Villa is a working professional who wears many hats: Dominatrix, singer, Pseudo-Christian Evangelical, GOP MAGA Cheerleader, and potential US Congressional candidate.

“Dianetics helped me be a better dominatrix,” Joy explained during her recent appearance on Scientology Media Production’s new show Keeping Up With Joy.


“And when I went Clear at the Scientology Celebrity Centre is was like ‘Wow! No more reactive mind!’ This is when I realized I didn’t give a fuck because I was now cause over the MEST universe.”


“Once I went Clear, I’m stopped being PTS as hell like Tom Cruise and so I don’t go around breaking my ankle and ruining film schedules!”

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“COB RTC David Miscavige personally selected me to be Scientology’s International Goodwill Ambassador after Jenna Elfman’s disaster on Imaginary Mary. And Kirstie Alley? COB told me she was a No Case Gain and to distance myself from her as far as possible.”

“And stay a million light years away from that degraded being Danny Masterson!” COB warned me.

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“As Scientology’s International Goodwill Ambassador I take the various mocks up I’ve created very seriously. After all, identity politics are very important to me: I am a Floridian, a Native American, a Christian, a Grammy considered signer, a working professional and whatever else I need to be. I can put on any disguise in order to get what I want. Wogs are really easy to fool.”

Joy Villa then asked the ladies a very provocative question:

When asked if she wanted to add anything, Joy Villa said, “I want to thank COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige for making this all possible. Thank you COB. Thank you sir!”

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In the Harvey Weinstein Era, Tom Cruise Apologizes for Magnolia

“I should never have taken this role or starred in Magnolia,” said Tom Cruise.
“I sincerely regret making millions of dollars on this horribly sexist film. But just to be clear, I kept all the money and gave lots of it to Scientology. I did this because only Scientology can help.”

 

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Did someone mention Scientology media whores?