Tag Archives: Elisabeth Moss

Scientology Actress Elisabeth Moss Telepathically Communicates With Discarnate Entities

Scientologist Elisabeth Moss defended Scientology today by stating that Scientology allows her to telepathically communicate with millions of clustered discarnate entities that are attached to her body. Elisabeth does this while holding two metal cylinders in one hand and operating her e-meter with her other hand.

“True,” the actress said, “sometimes these clusters will go out a distance from my body and stick. But that’s when I mock up an invisible thetan hand and cut all the lines and beams these discarnate entities have into me.”

The actress credits her daily ritual of exorcising these troublesome discarnate entities that are attached to her body with her success. “I sit alone in a locked room for at least one hour each day and handle these entities,” Moss noted.

Church of Scientology Rushed to the Hospital Again! Prognosis is Dire!

After hearing that the A&E show Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath won the TCA award for Outstanding Achievement in Reality Programming, the Church of Scientology collapsed on the pavement and was rushed to the hospital and placed in intensive care for heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and an anxiety attack.

“This is the second time in less than a month that the Church of Scientology has been rushed to the ER of the Hollywood Religious Hospital,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “The prognosis is grim. Initial tests by Dr. Metah Bolic show a dangerous and inoperable Miscavige tumor in Scientology’s brain.”

“As reported by Ellen Thompson, Scientologist Elisabeth Moss was able to flee from the auditorium when it was announced that Leah had won. Elisabeth went Type III and is being held in an Introspection Rundown at PAC Base. As you can imagine,” Delusion noted, “Leah’s victory is a huge third dynamic engram for Scientologists. After all, they donated $100,000,000 for Scientology Media Productions, a downstat Org that has zero product in over a year.”