Scientology is now hiring really bad Elvis impersonators as fundraisers. This is a commission only position and you must pay your own expenses. Pay is 3% of the take. “The fate of […]
Mark Zuckerberg Apologizes to Scientology; Promises to Delete all Entheta on Scientology from Facebook
“Following a closed-door Serious Reality Adjustment Session with Scientology Pontiff David Miscavige and his ecclesiastical lawyers, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg publicly apologized to the Church of Scientology,” announced Ted Torquemada, the Chief […]
Scientology Leader David Miscavige Comments on Tom Cruise’s New Movie Mission Impossible Fallout
“How does this glorified stuntman Tom Cruise get such monster stats for his stupid new movie?” asked David Miscavige. “Look at these stats! The opening weekend of Mission Impossible — Fallout is […]
Facebook Stock Price Hammered Due to Its Attacks on Scientology!
“Facebook shares have been hammered in the last two days,” said Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “Here is the cold-blooded truth: Facebook pulled in the worst-ever single day stock market statcrash because it […]
US Federal Judge James Whittemore Approves of Scientology’s Use of the Guillotine to Behead SP’s
In a ruling handed down today in the US Middle District of Florida Federal Court, Judge James Whittemore affirmed the Church of Scientology’s religious right to “hunt down and guillotine Suppressive Persons.” […]
Scientology Warning: Marijuana Was Created Eons Ago by Alien Botanical Psychiatrists! Don’t Use Xenu’s Weed!
Scientologist Dr. John Mappin educates and warns the wog public why no one should ever use Xenu’s weed a/k/a marijuana: Xenu’s Weed was created eons ago by mal-intentioned botanical psychiatrists! Here are […]
Scientology Sizzling Summer Special: Buy a Copy of Dianetics & Receive a Free DVD of Gotti!
How can you lose with L. Ron Hubbard and John Gotti? They go together like money and laundering! Quantities limited to stock on hand, which is to say we in Scientology have […]
David Miscavige Wardrobe Malfunction Leads to a Morals Charge; Big Pharma Behind the Plot!
“It’s not what it looks like,” said Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “The Brigadier General was merely helping COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige with a wardrobe malfunction.” “That this was escalated into a […]
Sizzling Summer Scientology Bonus Offers!
Special Scientology Bonus Offers: 1. Prepay for your OT levels today and receive 250,000 free fake Twitter followers! You can be a theetie-wheetie dilettante public Scientologist with lots of fake followers just […]
Church of Scientology Reaches Out to Incels
Incels — involuntarily celibates — are a subclass of male losers who lurk on the dark web. Women avoid incels for many reasons, but mostly because incels are racist, angry, dull, unattractive, […]