“You can run but you can’t hide,” declared Sea Org Commander Linda Beater, CO of BSOMRU (Blown Sea Org Member Recovery Unit).
“And so when Melden Fenster blew the Sea Org in 1971 after two years of service and ‘went to ground’ he thought he was safe — especially as the decades went on.”
“But then, as he dozed on a park bench last week, a team of elite BSOMRU agents pounced upon the 83 year old Fenster.”
“Do you recognize this contract?” a BSOMRU agent asked the dazed Fenster. “You signed it for a billion years and you still owe the Church 999,999,998 years! And then there is the matter of your Freeloader Bill of $23,712.00 plus compounded interest. We’re talking $378,129,821!”
“Fenster is now in the RPF making up the damage he has done to the group. His family may ransom him from the RPF by paying his Freeloader Bill,” said Commander Beater. “Other than that, we own him because let’s face it: The Church of Scientology is basically a gigantic contract of adhesion and we can do whatever we want to our members. They have no choice.”
“Following COB’s ecclesiastical triumph of relocating the Purif and TR’s and Objectives to their rightful place high atop the Bridge after New OT VIII, Mr. Miscavige has now found another piece of missing Tech,” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “And this particular piece of missing Tech is so vital and planetary-changing that it has become a very advanced OT Bridge action. This action is in fact OT IX.”
“And yes, COB is speaking of Costume Fundraising as the new and exact technical action that will blow all of the barriers and stops to true planetary clearing. So vital is Costume Fundraising is that OT III is its prerequisite, for only OT III’s and above can truly handle and confront dressing up like pirates or Star Wars characters in order to raise money for Ideal Orgs”
“Seriously,” Delusion stressed, “Costume Fundraising is harder than it looks. One really needs to choke down their case, and even their pride, to costume fundraise and only veteran OT’s can do it. Lesser beings would blow.”
“Per COB, Costume Fundraising is a 100% ‘on policy’ action designed to boom the Ideal Orgs. The new GAT II OT IX Costume Fundraising level can be delivered at any Org.
“OT IX may be done after OT VIII, or, after OT III and the completion of the GAT II Purif and TR’s and Objectives. Moreover, it goes without saying that one must also be a Patron Blatherer to even be considered for invitation to the super-deluxe and exclusive GAT II OT IX.”
“GAT II OT IX includes hatting on the exact technology of Ideal Org costume fundraising, including the theft of copyrighted property for costume fundraising,” Delusion noted.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Bridge to Total Freedom, church of scientology, costumes, David Miscavige, Flag, fundraiser, fundraising, Ken Delusion, pirates, Scientologists, Star Wars
We in the Church of Scientology recently had our girl Sylvia Stanard speak at an interfaith gathering. Sylvia’s soul-stirring speech at Chautauqua has been acclaimed for excellence in religious truth-telling.
In the spirit of Ecumenism, then, we in the Church of Scientology are pleased to offer our stage to Christian evangelist Jonathon Bell.
We selected Mr. Bell as our Interfaith speaker as we feel he best embodies and personifies the Tone Level of the Church of Scientology in 2014: