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“Tens of millions of now older Scientologists never attained the State of Clear in this lifetime,” declared Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “There were many barriers to attaining Clear,” Delusion noted. “Suppression, money, […]
Humanitarian Crisis Unfolds as The Freewinds Becomes Stuck in Suez Canal. Millions of Muslims in the Middle East Denied Scientology!
“The Freewinds was steaming through the Suez Canal to deliver the OT levels to millions of Muslims in the Middle East clamoring for Scientology,” explained Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “The Muslim world […]
Scientology Volunteer Ministers Distribute Ten Million Coat Hangers
“Wogs are unbelievably stupid and incapable,” said Ken Delusion, Executive Director of Scientology Public Safety Programs. “Only we in Scientology know how to do anything. We are the experts on the mind, […]
Launch of Boeing Built Scientology Spaceship: Critical Mission Update
While the the wogs were buzzing with the Christmas R6 implant, we in the Church of Scientology labored at Lunar Base 47. Our goal: Conquest of the Earth by Scientology. Galactic Fleet […]
Scientology: We Stand Tall
Prince Andrew Turns to Scientology for Help; Worries if He Can Afford it After Losing His £249,000 Royal Salary
“A troubled Prince Andrew has turned to we in the Church of Scientology for help,” said spokesman Ken Delusion. “The Flag Case Supervisor has ordered the Prince to undergo 100 hours of […]
Scientology Leader Missing Over Kansas City in Freak Helium Balloon Mishap!
“It was freak accident,” declared Ken Delusion. “Mr. Miscavige’s right wrist and forearm became entangled in the helium balloons when they were released. The bantamweight Mr. Miscavige was suddenly swept heavenward by […]
Scientology TV is not Unwatchable Propaganda!
VP Scientology TV Mr. Ken Delusion sat at his big desk and glared out the window at Sunset Blvd. He had just read entheta online. “Unwatchable Propaganda!” he screamed at the wog […]
David Miscavige Discount Sheet Sets Now on Sale!
“Actual research has shown that Scientologists who sleep on David Miscavige’s discount sheet sets experience, on average, a 2000% increase in case gain,” said Discount Sheet I/C Ken Delusion. “These luxurious 800 […]
