Tag Archives: Ken Delusion
“The Marcabs aka the Psychs wanted you to think it was an eclipse — and they fooled everyone except true Scientologists,” said Dr. Ken Delusion, nuclear physicist and Executive Director of Scientology’s Extraterrestrial Threat Investigations (E/D SETI)
“A giant Marcabian mothership impersonated the moon and passed in front of the sun,” Delusion explained. “In doing so, the Marcabs scanned and electronically tagged all of the wogs in its path. These tagged wogs will be seized as prisoners in the Marcab mass landing — a landing which is coming very soon unless Scientology can get 10,000 people up and onto Solo NOTs, all Orgs become Ideal, and all Orgs become old St. Hill sized!”
“Scientologists were protected as they all dressed in tinfoil suits and took shelter in our lead-lined Ideal Orgs.”
“If you are a wog and were scanned and electronically tagged, your only hope is to get yourself into the Scientology Purification Rundown and the special Marcab Repair Rundown. A package price of $25,000 USD is available. Call now. Operators are standing by.”
Scientology is on lockdown as Hurricane Leah makes landfall tonight on A&E. Scientology and the Aftermath.
“COB RTC has issued a global disconnection order for Tuesday August 15, 2017,” announced Church spokesman Mr. Ken Delusion. “All Scientologists globally are ordered to disconnect from WiFi, cable, satellite dishes and all types of antennae capable of receiving the television show Scientology and the Aftermath.
“Scientologists are further ordered to unplug and store all devices capable of receiving broadcast signal. This includes computers, cell phones, tablets, televisions, radios, and all electronic gizmos, doodads, gimcracks, gee gaws, thingamabobs, thingamajigs, whatchamacallits, gadgets, idiot boxes, or any other widgets or contraptions capable of conducting electrons and emitting sound or visio. This is a total ban on all electron-powered doohickeys. There is to be no cheating upon pain of death.”
“Any Scientologist caught watching Leah or even ‘sneaking a peek’ this coming Tuesday August 15th will be dealt with by use of ecclesiastical thumbscrews, the rack, and so forth and so on. As Marcellus Wallace said in Pulp Fiction, COB says to all Scientologists, ‘I’m going to go medieval on your ass!’ This is your last and final warning to not watch Scientology and the Aftermath!” Delusion darkly intoned after which he pronounced dire Black Scientology voodoo curses upon the Psychs, the ASC, Henry Kissinger, and a long list of other SP’s who bedevil Scientology and all that is holy.
After hearing that the A&E show Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath won the TCA award for Outstanding Achievement in Reality Programming, the Church of Scientology collapsed on the pavement and was rushed to the hospital and placed in intensive care for heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and an anxiety attack.
“This is the second time in less than a month that the Church of Scientology has been rushed to the ER of the Hollywood Religious Hospital,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “The prognosis is grim. Initial tests by Dr. Metah Bolic show a dangerous and inoperable Miscavige tumor in Scientology’s brain.”
“As reported by Ellen Thompson, Scientologist Elisabeth Moss was able to flee from the auditorium when it was announced that Leah had won. Elisabeth went Type III and is being held in an Introspection Rundown at PAC Base. As you can imagine,” Delusion noted, “Leah’s victory is a huge third dynamic engram for Scientologists. After all, they donated $100,000,000 for Scientology Media Productions, a downstat Org that has zero product in over a year.”
“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige is pleased to announced the appointment of Mr. Anthony Scaramucci as the new Executive Director of Scientology Media Productions,” said Ken Delusion at the regular Monday press conference. “COB feels that Scaramucci will bring with him that ‘rip everyone a new asshole’ work ethic which COB feels is vital for getting anything done in Scientology.”
“Former SMP E/D Stayta Kleer has been sent to the RPF’s RPF at the Pyongyang Ideal Org due to her chronic counter-intentionedness and evil purposes against COB. Stayta Kleer was trying to destroy Scientology organizations and produced ZERO product for SMP during her one year tenure as E/D.”
“The failure of SMP to produce anything is all her fault. COB gave her every opportunity to do something, anything, and all he got from her was excuses such as ‘SMP has no money, we have not been given any money to do anything. Staff is not being paid and has not been paid for one year yada yada yada.’ Well sorry but that’s not COB’s problem. Stayta Kleer’s job was to make it go right and she didn’t.”
The Church of Scientology is pleased to announce its newest venture: Theta Movers. This full service moving company is here to service all your moving needs when OSA has ordered you to move far away from neighboring SP’s, particularly when these SP’s are family who want to stop your Bridge progress.
“While we in the Church of Scientology most definitely do not practice Disconnection as portrayed by the ASC-controlled wog media,” said VP of Disconnection Services Mr. Ken Delusion, “We strongly feel that no Scientologist should be forced to live near any source of enturbulances or suppression who are hostile to their practice of Scientology and its policy of Disconnection, a policy that is widely misunderstood.”
“Disconnection does not ‘break up families’ as claimed,” emphasized Mr. Delusion who has not spoken to his own parents in ten years after they were declared SP’s for reading entheta on the internet, “Rather, Disconnection simply rearranges families and changes ‘communication‘ to ‘no communication.’ And indeed as the Founder said, ‘No communication with disaffected family members prevents a chaos of thinkingness, a flood of restimulative human emotion and reaction in which the gung ho Scientologist feels torn between the Church and his or her family. Dramatizing family is a homo sap weakness, nothing more than genetic entity think and the Homo Novis is a skyscraper higher than such concerns, particularly when Scientology so desperately needs more money.”
“It is a high crime, a violation of KSW to put family before the Church,” Delusion pointedly insisted. “And even my own parents know how easy it is to get back in touch with me. They simply need to do A-E, make up the damage they’ve done to the group, and strike an effective blow against the members of the group they’ve been pretending to be a member of. Marty has set a sterling example in this regard as he suffers up through the conditions.”
“In happier news,” said Delusion, “the new Hubbard Trailer Rancho has opened in Dunedin. Named after the Founder, this older trailer park was acquired by the ILO recently with IAS funds. The park features affordable single wide trailer homes and is intended for those Scientologists who don’t have the reach or wherewithal to afford a stick built home. And per Scientology policy, the Hubbard Trailer Rancho is ringed with a razor wire fence to keep SP’s out and Scientologists in.”