“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has banned Danny Masterson from the Celebrity Centre due to the ankle bracelet he must wear while he is out on $3.3 million bail awaiting trial on […]
Sporting a new Donald Trump coiffure and 30 extra pounds from “shelter in place” binge eating while watching Netflix, Scientology leader David Miscavige announced today that he is asking the US Federal […]
“A troubled Prince Andrew has turned to we in the Church of Scientology for help,” said spokesman Ken Delusion. “The Flag Case Supervisor has ordered the Prince to undergo 100 hours of […]
Scientology Space Admiral Miscavige rocketed to Target 2 today in search of the missing OT levels 9-15. “L. Ron Hubbard took OT levels 9-15 with him when he dropped his body and […]
“Everyone hates we in Scientology these days,” exclaimed Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “That’s why COB’s new strategy is ‘fuck em!‘ We in Scientology are going back to the good ol’ Guardians Office […]
Scientology OT VIII Tom Cruise was strapped into the super-secret RTC TR3-B hypersonic spaceplane. He had been scrambled aloft following yet another Marcabian incursion into the air space above Flag Land Base. […]
“The Church of Scientology has acquired sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein’s private island,” announced Church spokesman Mr. Ken Delusion. “The secret rooms and chambers on the island where no one can hear you […]
“Scientology leader David Miscavige stole a pig from a local farm today and is believed headed south towards Mexico.” said Sheriff Ned Forotees of Hemet. “Mr. MIscavige was carrying a backpack stuffed […]
Wog doctors don’t know anything about OT phenomena. A Scientologist onboard the MV Freewinds recently turned on the measles during her auditing session. However, this case of measles was from a lifetime […]
“Social welfare programs that give billions of dollars to poor people are bigoted and hateful because they discriminate against Scientologists,” declared the new STAND League Executive Director Mr. Ken Delusion. “For too […]
