Tag Archives: church of scientology

Scientology Actress Elisabeth Moss Telepathically Communicates With Discarnate Entities

Scientologist Elisabeth Moss defended Scientology today by stating that Scientology allows her to telepathically communicate with millions of clustered discarnate entities that are attached to her body. Elisabeth does this while holding two metal cylinders in one hand and operating her e-meter with her other hand.

“True,” the actress said, “sometimes these clusters will go out a distance from my body and stick. But that’s when I mock up an invisible thetan hand and cut all the lines and beams these discarnate entities have into me.”

The actress credits her daily ritual of exorcising these troublesome discarnate entities that are attached to her body with her success. “I sit alone in a locked room for at least one hour each day and handle these entities,” Moss noted.

Steve Bannon Hired to Run Scientology’s Freedom Magazine

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“Bitter defrocked White House strategist Steve Bannon today joined COB RTC David Miscavige’s senior management team,” announced Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.

“Mr. Bannon joins former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci who was hired last month to run Scientology Media Productions.”

“Steve Bannon will take over as Managing Editor of Scientology’s flagship Freedom Magazine. His main his role will be to Fair Game and Dead Agent those who are speaking out and exposing Scientology’s North Korean style regime. Scientologists can expect to see many more hate-filled and paranoid articles in Freedom. There just haven’t been enough according to surveys. Hatred and paranoia both sell extremely well inside of Scientology,” Delusion noted.

“Bannon’s first issue of Freedom will include a rousing defense of Confederate War Memorials; an attack on so-called gay rights; and a strategy to use First Amendment religious protections to shield Scientologists who have been accused of various felonies and sex crimes.”

Scientologists Taking a Stand

Scn.crybabiesWe in Scientology are angry, real angry. Right here, right now. If you wogs don’t stop attacking our religion right now we’re going to throw ourselves onto the floor and throw an incredible hissy fit like you’ve never seen!

You wogs need to get one thing straight: We in Scientology can put up hate sites, defend Scientology rapists and pedophiles, and savagely slander, libel, and lie about people because that is protected religious activity.

On the other hand, if you wogs don’t stop attacking Scientology’s protected religious activities, we in Scientology will scream uncontrollably like petulant crybabies and have STAND wallpaper Twitter with millions of tweets!

So stop attacking our religion right now you bunch of haters, bigots, SP’s, queers, sluts, Communists, perverts, whores, degraded beings, homo saps, 1.1’s, Psychs, sluts, faggots, bitter defrocked apostates, and jokers & degraders!

Scientology is a Workable Technology.

Scientologists Are Dealing Badly With Reality These Days

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“Scientologists are dealing badly with reality these days,” said Ken Delusion.
“The Glee of Insanity has set in hard and appears to be permanent. Even OT’s are on the verge of going Type III.”

Scientology Leader Orders Global Disconnection on August 15, 2017

“COB RTC has issued a global disconnection order for Tuesday August 15, 2017,” announced Church spokesman Mr. Ken Delusion. “All Scientologists globally are ordered to disconnect from WiFi, cable, satellite dishes and all types of antennae capable of receiving the television show Scientology and the Aftermath. 

“Scientologists are further ordered to unplug and store all devices capable of receiving broadcast signal. This includes computers, cell phones, tablets, televisions, radios, and all electronic gizmos, doodads, gimcracks, gee gaws, thingamabobs, thingamajigs, whatchamacallits, gadgets, idiot boxes, or any other widgets or contraptions capable of conducting electrons and emitting sound or visio. This is a total ban on all electron-powered doohickeys. There is to be no cheating upon pain of death.”

“Any Scientologist caught watching Leah or even ‘sneaking a peek’ this coming Tuesday August 15th will be dealt with by use of ecclesiastical thumbscrews, the rack, and so forth and so on. As Marcellus Wallace said in Pulp Fiction, COB says to all Scientologists, ‘I’m going to go medieval on your ass!’ This is your last and final warning to not watch Scientology and the Aftermath!” Delusion darkly intoned after which he pronounced dire Black Scientology voodoo curses upon the Psychs, the ASC, Henry Kissinger, and a long list of other SP’s who bedevil Scientology and all that is holy.

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Freedom Magazine Exposes the Television Critics Association!

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