Tag Archives: church of scientology

Trump Lawyer Michael Cohen Turns to Scientology for Help!

“We in the Church of Scientology know what it’s like to be the victim of a massive and unconstitutional raid by US Federal agents. This happened to us in 1977 when hundreds of FBI agents, acting in a Gestapo-like fashion, launched a surprise early morning raid on our Orgs,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

“And now the same jackbooted government thugs have raided the President’s wog lawyer Michael Cohen. But let’s not kid ourselves: The raid on Cohen’s offices was a warning to the President to not interfere in Big Pharma’s lucrative opioid epidemic — which epidemic is a carbon copy of Britain’s lucrative 19th century opium sales to China!”

“The shape-shifting alien reptilian British Monarchy is behind the raids on Michael Cohen. These godless reptilians need the money from opioid sales to finance their black propaganda wars designed to destroy Scientology which is  mankind’s only hope of salvation! The raid on Cohen was a false flag operation that had absolutely nothing to do with Russia, collusion, election tampering, or obstruction of justice. It was all about keeping Americans high on dope and as faraway as possible from Narconon’s safe and effective drug treatment program! Likewise, the 1977 raid on Scientology was based on a flimsy trumped up charge that we used government copier paper without permission.”

“We in Scientology have promised to help Michael Cohen. As such, we are now investigating the hidden crimes of Big Pharma’s rabid lapdog Robert Mueller and the  shadowy merchants of chaos with whom he is plotting. And when we connect all the dots, we will surely find Psychiatry and the reptilian British Monarchy behind this dire plot to destroy Scientology and enslave the masses!”

 

The Church of Scientology is Looking for More Lawyers

Is Former Trump campaign aide Sam Nunberg Setting Up an “OT Insanity” Defense?

“We in Scientology have long warned the public that reading the OT materials without proper preparations will cause a person to freewheel through their implants, catch pneumonia, and die,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

OT.Materials
“We in Scientology can confirm that former Trump campaign aide Sam Nunberg went on the SP site xs4all where he read the legally webbed OT materials.  Sure enough, Nunberg began to freewheel through his implants and became quite insane as he babbled away on political talk shows like a drunken Pentecostal.”

“However there is more this story,” cautioned Delusion. “Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller is hot on Nunberg’s tracks. We in Scientology believe Nunberg read the OT materials in order to set up an ‘OT Insanity’ defense ahead of possible criminal charges.”

“This would not be the first time someone accused Scientology of driving them insane,” Delusion noted.

Communist Brainwashing Manual: Declaration of Charles Stickley

Dr. Charles Stickley, author, Brain-Washing: A Synthesis of the Russian Textbook of Psychopolitics

My name is Charles Stickley. Contrary to rumors, half-truths, and wild-eyed confabulations, I alone am the author of  the book Brain-Washing: A Synthesis of the Russian Textbook of Psychopolitics.

I first met L. Ron Hubbard when we both served in the US Navy in WWII and were sent on a secret mission. Delivered to Java by the destroyer USS Edsall, Ron and I went into the jungle to spy on the Japanese. We were detected and fled. Ron was machine-gunned in the back as we escaped to our rubber raft.

As we drifted 2,000 miles back to Australia and lived on rainwater and fish we speared, Ron and I had a long time to talk about the dangers posed by Communism and Communists. We both agreed that Communism was greater than the danger posed by Nazi Germany.


I became increasingly concerned about the Communist infiltration of America using polio monkey serums, fluoridated water, and Jewish mental hygiene. Accordingly, in 1951 I wrote and and caused to be issued a phamplet through my Keep America Committee of Los Angeles:


L. Ron Hubbard saw my phamplet. He contacted me immediately from his home in New Jersey. Ron shared my concerns and indeed we had discussed these matters years before in that rubber life raft as we drifted in the Banda and Arafura seas. Ron told me that the Communists had stolen his Excalibur manuscript in 1938 and were even now reading Dianetics. In fact, Khrushchev himself had offered Ron a “write your own ticket” deal that included a full laboratory if Ron would come to Moscow and work in brainwashing. Ron, a true American, would have none of it.

I quickly read Dianetics, saw its benefits, and became a Dianeticist and later a Scientologist. In 1955, Ron Hubbard delievered to me a series of lectures that had been stolen by his agents from Lenin University in Moscow. These lectures had been delievered by Beria himself and discussed how to brainwash and destroy the West using pain, drugs, and hypnosis. This is when I wrote Brain-Washing: A Synthesis of the Russian Textbook of Psychopolitics:

Seeing the brilliance of my work, Ron Hubbard ordered the Church of Scientology to widely distribute my work. Others too published my book. That Ron Hubbard is cited as the author of my work is false.

Signed this 22nd day of February 2018 at Flag Land Base in Clearwater, Florida.

Dr. Charles Stickley

Artists

False Data Spreader

Thanks to improved technology, the new False Data Spreader 47X from Psych Industries — the trusted name in Psychiatric Suppression supplies and implanting equipment for over 150 years — works 1500% faster than previous models! False data about Scientology can now be spread over entire communities and neighborhoods in hours and not days!

And Psych’s new False Data 9000 mix is rich in lies, suppression, enturbulative facts, rumors, innuendoes, and even wrong double datums about Scientology! Designed to kill false data stripping and other Scientology processes, False Data 9000 is impervious to the Warehouse Mark VIII e-meter.

This new mix is so good that SMERSH has already ordered 5,000 rails cars of False Data 9000 to handle Europe in its planned Spring Offensive 2018 against Scientology!

The False Data Spreader 47X is in stock and available on Amazon, at Costco, and other leading wog retailers. Psychs and other mental health professionals receive a 25% courtesy discount!

Mark C. Rathbun: OMG! The Martians Are After Me!

Marty.16

There are covert operations being run on me by the troika and their financiers! I can tell because there were tire tracks on the road by the gas station that weren’t there last week! This happened because I wouldn’t take Leah’s blank check to be the star of her television show and write my own ticket! And I would’ve won the Emmy and not Leah! That Emmy was really mine but the troika made sure Leah won it and not me!

And Scientology is the cleanest organization in the entire USA. There is no abuse of any kind in Scientology. I know because I was IG/RTC and ran Fair Game programs for decades. There was never any abuse, intimidation, dirty trick, judge tampering, or spying under my watch. No sir! We never fucked people over, destroyed evidence, spied on people, or did anything bad.

Annie Tidman almost escaped until I caught her at the airport. She came back to three years of torture into the RPF until she was crushed. She later died a horrible death of lung cancer in captivity. But here’s the thing: I saved her from becoming part of the ASC!

Everything is perfect in Scientology. But one day I got on my motorcycle and blew. Actually, I went undercover to expose the ASC. I fooled everyone. And now I’m the only who can help. I’m the only one who can expose the ASC because I was it’s leader. The ASC has to be stopped because Scientology. That’s why. Scientology is not a cult. I know because I was in Scientology for a long time. The ASC is a cult. I know because David Miscavige tells me what to think and what to say. I was real bad off until COB helped me. Now I’m better.

I repeatedly transcended Scientology and have become an ascended spiritual master. Now if y’all excuse me I need to go back into my trance state. There is more to be channeled. Stay tuned!

Marty.Dianetics.Reverie

Get the SP!

Oldsmobile-Vista-Cruiser-1964

Dad was driving the family’s Oldsmobile Vista-Cruiser when he spotted the SP in the crosswalk. Dad accelerated hard, and, with a hard-fixed Scientology glare, aimed the gleaming 5,000 pounds of Detroit steel at the SP. The pistons of the mighty 279 hp GM V8 pushed the car to 97mph. Vast Magellanic clouds were kicked up from the streets as the automobile became a machine of lethal Scientology justice.

“Get the SP Dad!” yelled OSA Cadet Jimmy, aged 7, in the backseat.

“Get the bastard!” shouted Mom from the front passenger seat.

The SP tried to flee the hurtling behemoth, but Dad maneuvered expertly on a set of sturdy Good Year radials he had purchased only the week before with his hefty IAS commission check.

The SP was hit hard and thrown 200 feet through the plate glass window of the Buick dealership on the corner of 4th Street and Insane. 86,000 different delusions went through the SP’s mind as he experienced permanent exteriorization.

******

“He’s dead Jim,” said Detective Wendy Delusion to her partner Detective Jim Bongo.

“Well he was an SP and so he had it coming to him. There’s no crime here,” replied Detective Bongo.

Jimmy was given a Jr. SP Hunters Detective’s badge. Dad was given an award by Mayor Cleveland Harrison III. Clearwater was safe once again.