Scientology OT VIII Tom Cruise was strapped into the super-secret RTC TR3-B hypersonic spaceplane. He had been scrambled aloft following yet another Marcabian incursion into the air space above Flag Land Base. […]
Tom Cruise: Lost in Space — Part 1
Church of Scientology Acquires Jeffrey Epstein’s Private Island
“The Church of Scientology has acquired sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein’s private island,” announced Church spokesman Mr. Ken Delusion. “The secret rooms and chambers on the island where no one can hear you […]
Scientology Leader David Miscavige Steals Pig; Flees Hemet
“Scientology leader David Miscavige stole a pig from a local farm today and is believed headed south towards Mexico.” said Sheriff Ned Forotees of Hemet. “Mr. MIscavige was carrying a backpack stuffed […]
Wog Doctors Mistake OT Phenomena on the Freewinds for Measles
Wog doctors don’t know anything about OT phenomena. A Scientologist onboard the MV Freewinds recently turned on the measles during her auditing session. However, this case of measles was from a lifetime […]
Real Scientologists Demand Cash Auditing Subsidies from the US Government
“Social welfare programs that give billions of dollars to poor people are bigoted and hateful because they discriminate against Scientologists,” declared the new STAND League Executive Director Mr. Ken Delusion. “For too […]
Scientology Leader David Miscavige Purchases the Preserved Head of 19th Century Killer Diogo Alves
Executed in 1841 for a decade-long crime spree which included pushing seventy people to their deaths from the heights of the Aqueduto das Águas Livres (Aqueduct of the Free Waters), the severed […]
STAND League Member Ed Parkin Disguises Himself as Mr. Peanut
We in the Scientology Office of Special Affairs have disguised our low IQ colleague Ed Parkin as Mr. Peanut. We have done this because the real Mr. Peanut attacked the Church of […]
