Tag Archives: Emmy

Delusion Reveals the WHY for Why Scientology Media Productions Is Not Broadcasting

“By actual survey, Scientology parishioners are asking the WHY for why Scientology Media Productions is not broadcasting,” said spokesman Ken Delusion. “More than a few Scientologists have noted that Leah Remini has been able to broadcast an entheta show week after week — and even win an Emmy — while SMP sits idly by and does nothing about it, this despite Scientology’s motto that ‘Something Can Be Done About It.'”

“The answer is that the CST Deep Space Antenna Array in New Mexico has not yet received signal from the Founder on Target Two authorizing SMP to begin broadcasting.”

“An obscure clause in the Founder’s last will and testament requires his direct permission by Telex radio communication from T2 before ‘any Scientology entity may broadcast tele-vision or radio waves containing copyrighted Scientology content into the public airwaves.'”

“T2 is many light years away. SMP expects to get operational authorization from T2 in about 25,000 years,” Delusion noted. “And when we get that authorization, the station is ready to flip a switch and begin broadcasting. Until then, there are COB events and LRH Congresses to listen to for the next 25,000 years.”

RTC Secret Memo: Celebrities


Actress Elisabeth Moss Joins Scientology’s Elite “Fuck You” Club

COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has determined that celebrities pose too many risks to Scientology. Therefore, COB decrees the following:

1. Thanks to a generous $500,000,000 donation, the Celebrity Centre Int will be renamed The Bob Duggan Scientology Success in Life Centre. Only those Scientologists with an annual income of $3,000,000 USD or more are eligible to join the BDSSILC. The emphasis will be on success, money, IAS Patron Status, and not on celebrity or going up the, uhh, that thing, err, what’s it called? The Bridge to total, umm, something. Whatever it was the Founder was hobbyhorsing about all time with his complicated charts and scales and whatnot. We in RTC aren’t really into it because if you’re a major IAS Patron you’re automatically an OT8 so don’t worry about it.

2. Grant and Elena Cardone will chair the BDSSILC OT Committee.

3. Except for Tom Cruise and a few others, most of the existing Scientology celebrities are demoted to the status of PAC Base publics. None of them have done us any good. Tom Cruise will become a BDSSILC public.

4. Due to their creepy and embarrassing videos, Bodhi and Jenna Elfman are demoted to SFV publics and ordered to move to the Valley. They have lost their Hollywood/Los Feliz privileges for gross out ethics.

5. Elisabeth Moss flipping off the camera at the Emmys was too much for COB. Moss is being sec checked at Int Base for the next several months on her evil purposes to destroy Scientology.

6. Just as STAND has created fake stock photo Scientologists, the Church will create fake stock photo celebrity members. Stock photo Scientology celebrities pose no PR risks and will not escape and write books or do television shows. Our launch stock photo Scientology celebrity is Angelia Joolie:

Scientology OT7 Richard “Big Dick” Bongo warns SP’s to Shut the Hell Up!

Scientologist OT7 Richard “Big Dick” Bongo warns SP’s to shut the hell up and stop talking about Scientology and the Aftermath or he will make them shut up!

“I’m goddamn sick and tired of hearing about this show,” exclaimed Big Dick Bongo. “And yeah, I know the show won an Emmy but so what? Those faggots in Hollywood make an Emmy sound like it’s some kind of  big deal. Well it’s not! And for the record I’d rather have my e-meter than an Emmy!”

Church of Scientology Sues Alex Gibney and HBO; Demands Return of Going Clear Emmy’s to Rightful Winner David Miscavige

Holotta.Delusion.3Speaking at a packed press conference at Scientology Media Productions in Hollywood, CO OSA Int Statistics Captain Holotta Delusion declared, “Following a thorough investigation, we in OSA have determined the correct WHY for Going Clear wining three Emmy’s.”

“The answer is that Alex Gibney used footage of  Mr. Miscavige. The power and charisma of Mr. Miscavige is what made Going Clear an Emmy-award winning film because, frankly, aside from COB’s speeches, the rest of the film was just some people talking.”

“Accordingly, we in the Church of Scientology have filed a ten billion dollar lawsuit against HBO and Alex Gibney in which we demand the return of the three Going Clear Emmy’s to David Miscavige, the rightful winner of these Emmy’s.”

Captain Delusion further noted “COB won his first Emmy for his televised 1992 interview with wog reporter Ted Koppel — and now with his three new Going Clear Emmy’s David Miscavige has won a total of four Emmy’s — and what other global ecclesiastical leader can say that?”

Going Clear Wins Three Emmy’s; We in the Church of Scientology Are Very Bitter

Church of Scientology spokesperson Karin Pouw

Church of Scientology spokesperson Karin Pouw

“The Alex Gibney HBO documentary Going Clear has just won three Emmy’s,” announced Church spokesman Karin Pouw.

“We in the Church of Scientology are very bitter at this gross injustice. This proves the Emmy’s are completely controlled by German Psychiatrists.”

“Here is Scientology’s short and sweet answer to Gibney’s so-called Emmy’s:

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