Tag Archives: Scientology

Finally! Wog Television Gets It Right!

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The Hollywood Reporter today announced that Scientology OT8 Jenna Elfman has been recruited as a regular on season 4 of “Fear the Walking Dead.”

Finally! Wog television gets it right! Jenna’s career has been part of the Walking Dead for decades. Now she has a role that uniquely fits her strange and unfunny OT beingness.

 

Scientologist Bobby Villa to Run for US Congress

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Scientologist and New OTVIII Bobby Villa, owner of Villa Investments LLC of Tampa Bay

“My sister Joy Villa is really stupid,” declared New OTVIII Bobby Villa. “You’d have to be a moron to vote for her for Congress. Joy is a completely occluded case who can’t run wholetrack. Worse, she pretends to be a Christian and does all this phony praying. Why is she so ashamed to tell the world she’s a Scientologist? I’m not afraid to tell anyone. I want everyone to be a Scientologist because we’re so theta!”

“Joy wore that asinine MAGA dress to the Grammy’s and she thinks that makes her fit for Congress? Oh hell no! She’s too stupid. Her OCA is one of the lowest ever scored in the entire history of Scientology. Joy’s IQ is 16. And her 2D Thurston Howell is even worse. He’s a doormat who does whatever Joy tells him.”

“I’m the only Villa who’s fit to run for Congress,” insisted Bobby. “I’ve done all three L’s and my IQ is over 200 as measured by the Oxford Capacity Analysis. I have a degree in business from the Hubbard College of Administration. I’m ready for Congress. Joy’s not ready for anything except cleaning dumpsters with a toothbrush — and she’d even manage to get that wrong. Joy can’t even tell the difference between plastic fencing and a dress!”

Joy Villa wearing orange plastic fencing on her head and body

Is Your Baby Secretly Plotting to Strangle You While You Sleep? Scientology Can Help You Find Out!

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“Don’t be taken in by their being cute or cooing. Babies are actually trillion year old thetans in new bodies,” said Senior C/S Int Ken Delusion. “And some babies come here from other planets with evil purposes.”

“Your baby might have been sent here by the Psychs to secretly destroy you,” Delusion warned. “Don’t take chances! Get your baby arrived at Flag immediately for an Infant Sec Check. Priced at only $50,000, this sec check may save your life by helping you to discover if your baby is actually a Marcab out to strangle you when you sleep!”

“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige won’t go anywhere near these little BT-infested ‘Rosemary’s Baby’ type of evil thetans,” Delusion noted.

Scientology Media Productions Inaugural Broadcast

COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige Hails Fake STAND Member Program as a Complete Success

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“COB today congratulated Scientology phony PR front group STAND for reaching a milestone of 10,000 fake members,” Ken Delusion announced.

“These mocked up Scientologists now outnumber real Scientologists,” Delusion noted. “Which goes to show that Scientologists can create new and better realities, get the best parking spots, put out intention beams to get green lights at intersections, and postulate new Scientology parishioners where none actually exist.”

“It’s not fraud, it’s OT Magic!” enthused Delusion.

“And thanks to a new IAS grant, STAND can now purchase another 10,000 stock photos to use as STAND members. It really is straight up and vertical expansion in Scientology,” Delusion rhapsodized, his eyes glazed over and his smile fixed as if he were in another of his phantasmagorical and maniacal trances.

Kim Jong-un Attains State of Clear in Scientology!

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North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has just reached the State of Clear at Scientology’s Pyongyang Ideal Org.

“I’m so happy to have finally reached the State Clear! I’ve eradicated my reactive mind forever!” enthused Kim Jong-un. “No more engrams, irrational computations, or sicknesses! I now have a perfect memory, a 190 IQ, and can read a 1,000 page book in ten minutes with full comprehension.”

“As the world’s first Cleared Communist, I can now rationally and sanely realize my goal of destroying America and all of the other running dog Imperialists in the West! Thank you COB RTC David Miscavige! You are a superman just like me!”

Tom Cruise Healing from Broken Ankle at Home

Tom Cruise is healing at home from a broken ankle he suffered earlier this month. The actor says he went PTS to Scientology and the Aftermath and blamed the show.

“Like every other Scientologist on this planet, I am the victim of a television show. Despite being an OT, I can’t control matter, energy, space, and time — and particularly not this entheta television show! My new cognition is this: To be a member of the Church of Scientology is to be a victim and I am a victim. It’s just not fair. I would do some STAND tweets but feel just too PTS. I am really PTP’d about everything right now.”