Tag Archives: Scientology

Flag C/S: Handling David Miscavige Engrams

The latest technical research at Flag indicates that Scientologists are too overcharged to handle David Miscavige engrams in session. In 90% of cases, the e-meter blew up.

The correct handling is to gradiently audit smaller engrams such as IAS fundraising cycles.

If IAS fundraising is too hot, then begin with Ideal Org ARC breaks.

If Ideal Orgs are also overcharged, then have pc touch the wall for a few thousand hours.

Do Not Murder Your Friends or Family

Sane advice from Scientology’s non-religious moral code The Way to Happiness:


There are many practical reasons for not murdering your friends, your family, or yourself being murdered.

Just one example: A murderous rampage could lead to a standoff with police in which you find yourself barricaded in a dead friend or family member’s home where there is no e-meter. This leaves you unable to solo audit. Then what? Your NOTs case goes into fullblown restim. You begin freewheeling through your implants. This is a departure from the ideal scene you’ve worked so hard to create.

Worse, during tense negotiations with police you can easily use up all of your mobile data. This leads to a huge bill for extra mobile data that could easily be $150 or more.

Psychiatrist Caught Trying to Smuggle New Top Secret E-Meter Out of Scientology Org!

“When word got around that Scientology had a new top-secret e-meter that could instantly cure-all forms of psychological distress and thereby eliminate the need for Psych drugs, Big Pharma was terrified! Big Pharma knew that Scientology was poised to put Big Pharma and its army of Psychiatrists out of business!”

“Accordingly,” said Scientology Chief Inspector Bobby Ray Bigly, “Big Pharma sent in an undercover agent into our Toledo Ideal Org to steal one of the new Quantum Mark XV meters.”

“The Psych literally shoved the new meter up his backside in order to conceal it. However, OSA Security caught him as he was painfully waddling out of the Org. An x-ray showed the meter lodged in his rectum. The Psych tried to flee but obviously didn’t get very far.”

“The suspect was arrested without incident and has been charged with the attempted theft of a patented religious artifact. The e-meter had to be removed surgically; it was not a pretty sight.”

Freewinds Lengthened to Accommodate the Enormous Demand for Scientology

“After two years of work at a cost of $90 million USD, the MV Freewinds has been successfully lengthened to 402 meters (1,319 feet),” announced Captain Mike Napoleon.

“The ship will now be able to accommodate the more than 100,000 Scientologists expected to be granted eligibility for OT VIII in the next twelve months. This boom is a result of COB having created Scientology TV.”

Scientology: Now Hiring Really Bad Elvis Impersonators as Fundraisers!


Scientology is now hiring really bad Elvis impersonators as fundraisers. This is a commission only position and you must pay your own expenses. Pay is 3% of the take.

The fate of Earth hangs in the balance. This is why Scientology needs really bad Elvis impersonators to raise money.” — L. Ron Hubbard.

US Federal Judge James Whittemore Approves of Scientology’s Use of the Guillotine to Behead SP’s

In a ruling handed down today in the US Middle District of Florida Federal Court, Judge James Whittemore affirmed the Church of Scientology’s religious right to “hunt down and guillotine Suppressive Persons.”

Citing the First Amendment, Judge Whittemore made it clear in his ruling that the Government may not interfere in religious tribunals. “As offensive as it may be to some, Scientology’s right to hunt down, capture, and transport across state lines any and all SP’s (including minor children) and publicly execute them at Ideal Orgs is a protected religious sacrament in which the court may not interfere.”

“However, Scientology’s sale of tickets to the general public who wish to view these executions is not an exempt activity,” Judge Whittemore held in his ruling. “Therefore, Scientology must declare the income from these ticket sales as non-exempt and pay taxes on this secular income.”

Scientology Warning: Marijuana Was Created Eons Ago by Alien Botanical Psychiatrists! Don’t Use Xenu’s Weed!

Scientologist Dr. John Mappin educates and warns the wog public why no one should ever use Xenu’s weed a/k/a marijuana:

Xenu’s Weed was created eons ago by mal-intentioned botanical psychiatrists! Here are raw meat wogs after smoking one marijuana at a rave; this is what Xenu’s Weed will do to you:

The only hope for people who smoke Xenu’s Weed is Narconon!