Tag Archives: Scientology

John Travolta Confused, Upset as Gotti Bombs. Scientology Actor Blames the Psychs.

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WTF? Where is everybody? The theatre is empty on the opening weekend of Gotti. This is the pic I slaved ten years to get on the screen! I betcha all of you Psychs & SP’s on the internet sabotaged it! Me and Kelly need to redo our Scientology PTS/SP course pronto!

Xenu’s Criminal Associate Arrested


“Spacelord Xenu’s long-time criminal associate Darth Vader was arrested and taken into custody at the Scientology World Fair in Hemet,” announced International Justice Chief Mr. Ken Delusion.

“Vader was spotted in the Operating Thetan Pavilion trying to steal upper level materials as these fetch astronomically high prices on both the Marcabian Black Market and in Hong Kong,” Delusion reported.

“Alert RTC security forces overpowered and apprehended Vader — a criminal fugitive who has been on Scientology’s Top Ten Most Wanted Listed since 1983. Vader will be imprisoned in an electronic mountain prison without bail while he awaits trial on millions of felony charges of Implanting Humans by use of Reverse Dianetics.

Scientology Uber Driver Issues Tone 40 Commands

The trained Scientologist never Q&A’s with the reactive mind of a wog. Here we see GAT II trained Scientologist and OTVII Ted Malinowski repeating the command to a stupid wog. In doing so, Ted goes into the winning valence of COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige.

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Scientology DC-8 spaceplanes proven to exist! Checkmate haters!

Scientology, Toilet Paper, and Electricity


We in the Religious Technology Center are busy, busy, busy handling planetary emergencies. We sometimes even have to handle off-planet emergencies, e.g. the Implanters Union #47 is on strike again at the Mars implanting stations. What’s wrong with those fuckers? Ten cents an hour is all we in Scientology pay anybody except for our wog lawyers. If the Martian implanters don’t like it they can go work for some other religion. What’s that you say? No other religion uses implanters? Well then it looks like you’ll have to take our deal or starve!

Being so busy, we in RTC are sick and tired of hearing this same complaint over and over from Scientology Orgs:

Your local IDEAL Scientology org has an even more critical emergency!! It’s the “we sent all our income to COB so now we can’t pay the utility bills, and can’t even pay for toilet paper” emergency!!

Why do staff members at downstat Orgs constantly whine about having no electricity and no toilet paper? The fact is that your lack of havingness is because you pulled it in due to LOW OR NO PRODUCTION! It’s right there in policy! It’s not our job in RTC to see that your asses are wiped or that you have electricity so stop with the hat dumping! It’s your job to MAKE IT GO RIGHT! No more  nattering or you will be beaten!

The STPE Triangle clearly shows that production is what makes it all happen. If Scientology staff members want auditing, toilet paper, and electricity then they need to produce and bring in money. In other words, “Coffee is for closers!”

 

Ambien Explains the Behavior of David Miscavige

“We in the Church of Scientology can at last offer a coherent and wholly scientific explanation for the bizarre and violent behavior of our leader COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige. The explanation is Ambien. We regret any inconvenience Mr. Miscavige has caused due to this medication. All he ever wanted was a good night’s sleep and yet his wog doctor prescribed a horrific medication that caused Mr. Miscavige to manifest the most strange and vile of behaviors,” explained Church spokesman Mr. Ken Delusion.

“For example, Mr. Miscavige’s uncontrollable addiction to purchasing empty buildings at lavish prices and calling them ‘Ideal Orgs’ is directly the result of Ambien. Seriously, no one in their right mind would purchase buildings in industrial parks or dilapidated and rotting old buildings  and call them Scientology churches.

“Under the influence of Ambien, Mr. Miscavige would wake from his slumber, strip naked, and then write nonsensical and incredibly expensive purchase orders for unnecessary Orgs and the renovations to these white elephants. In the morning COB would remember none of what he had done.

“However, being good Scientologists who live only to forward command intention, we never dared question COB. This is why we have an empty $220 million dollar Scientology Org located somewhere in Antarctica that has become buried under ten meters of permafrost.

“Mr. Miscavige has switched to an all natural sleep aid and everything is now fine.”

Dr. Frank Wonderman: Why Counter-Intention on COB’s Lines Must Be Smashed!

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Comrade Dr. Frank Wonderman. Inspector General of the Scientology Office of Ideological Purity and Enforcement.

Just as Trotskyite wreckers and diversionists were a threat to the worker’s revolution in Russia, so too are Psych wreckers and diversionists who traffick in reasonableness a threat to Scientology’s noble aim of Planetary Clearing.

Even now sinister forces of criminal joking and degrading are at work to diminish the success of Scientology TV. This felonious jocularity maintains that Scientology TV and COB are both abysmal failures fit only to be tossed onto the trash heap of cultic history along with visionaries such as Herbert W. Armstrong, Charles Taze Russell, and Mary Baker Eddy. But the statistics show otherwise. With over 1,500 new viewers, COB’s $100 million investment in Scientology TV has been fully vindicated.

The Psychs howl and scream as their revenues collapse under the onslaught of Scientology TV and the surging and unstoppable tide of Ideal Orgs. The opposition and slander against COB and Scientology’s fully ideal scene is a tangled web of calumnies that all trace back to the nonsense of evolution, Freud, and the idea that Man is only his brain and that death extinguishes the thetan forever and ever. Yet the unassailable scientific evidence adduced by the e-meter clearly shows thetans have been around this universe for four quadrillion years and that Tom Cruise’s toothy grin is the result of astonishingly bad dental work made amazingly workable by the technologies of Dianetics and Scientology.

The Scientologist is to flourish and prosper in the face of entheta. And what is the full measure and proof of flourishing and prosperity except to increase one’s IAS Patron status? The IAS is the glorious Scientology revolution against the vicious Psych gestalt which holds thetans in its iron grip of electroshock, lobotomies, and the decadence of popular music and pornography! Rise up today and donate to the IAS!