“We in the Church of Scientology have been the victims of fake news for decades!” proclaimed Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “These fake news stories about Scientology have been spread by the unholy trinity of Psychiatry, Big Pharma, and the CIA,” Delusion averred.
“Fake news stories about Scientology are constantly planted in the media. These fake new stories accuse Scientology of being a criminal syndicate that employs brainwashing, hypnotism, coercion, isolation, threats, flattery, and even blackmail in order to engage in an alleged systematic wealth extraction scheme that preys upon and exploits emotionally vulnerable people — and particularly celebrities.”
“This is not true,” Delusion affirmed.
“What is true is what’s true for you,” Delusion emphasized. “And what’s true for Scientologists is that Scientology is all about creating a planet without war, crime, or insanity.”
“And if, in order to reach this lofty goal, we in Scientology must engage in war, crime, and insanity why then we are just fighting with fire!”