Tag Archives: Fair Game

STAND League Member Ed Parkin Disguises Himself as Mr. Peanut

Image by Mark

We in the Scientology Office of Special Affairs have disguised our low IQ colleague Ed Parkin as Mr. Peanut. We have done this because the real Mr. Peanut  attacked the Church of Scientology during last weekend’s Super Bowl Twitter insanity.

Only haters and bigots fueled by Psych drugs would attack Scientology which is humanity’s only hope of salvation.

Therefore, while disguised as Mr. Peanut, we will have Ed commit various crimes for which the real Mr. Peanut will be arrested and imprisoned. We in Scientology are not the police but we are slowly teaching the unholy a lesson: Fuck with us and we will destroy you.

Fleet Admiral Rathbun on Fake News

Scientology Fleet Admiral Marty Rathbun

“So get this bit of cute fake news the media uses to troll Scientology: Sure, the Guardian’s Office decapitated a few dozen people 35 years ago but that’s old news. I purged the GO. I should know because I was there and I was in charge.”

“But then the media is like ‘OMG! Scientology decapitated hundreds of people!’ But it was only a few dozen people and it’s old news. Old news.”

“And when I came aboard, I put an end to the GO decapitations, hangings, arson, stabbings, burglaries, drownings, and so forth, but the media still acts like the Church of Scientology does it.”

“What I told that wog journalist was that Scientology can ‘potentially’ decapitate, hang, set fire to, or drown SP’s if we wanted to, but we don’t these things anymore. It’s just that we ‘potentially’ can do these things except I ordered an end to it — except for sometimes when an SP really needs to be decapitated. But then the media claimed it actually still happens. They published it just troll Scientology. False. Never happened. I was there.”

Kathy Griffin Advises Scientology on Fair Game; Fails.

A simulacrum of the bloody severed head of President Trump was Kathy Griffin’s proposed example of what Scientology FAIR GAME should look like in 2017. Needless to say, Griffin’s visual did not go over well with focus groups.

Moreover, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige wanted something different than your basic Scientology head on a pike — and that’s why the depraved goons in the Office of Special Affairs called upon the services of George Remini and Dana Connaughton.

We in RTC have to agree that this gruesome twosome are far more offensive to our sensibilities than anything Kathy Griffin did:


New Scientology Ad Campaign for Spring 2017


Who says Scientology isn’t pro-family? We in Scientology say that the family that Fair Games SP’s together stays together. Mom & Dad: Go Fair Game some SP’s today and take your children with you so they can learn the ways of Scientology!

Scientology’s Enemies “Out Exchange” on Fair Game!

DM.12“While reviewing cash flow numbers today, Captain David Miscavige expressed vague unease at the one hundred million dollars in parishioner money being spent each month on Fair Game and lawyers,” declared Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.

“Captain Miscavige cognited that the SP’s and bitter defrocked apostates whom we so vociferously and dutifully Fair Game are completely out exchange with the Church.”

“We in the Church of Scientology spend over one billion dollars annually on Fair Game for which we derive absolutely no financial benefit in return from these SP’s. Frankly,” Delusion confided, “our withering and decisive attacks on the HBO crowd drained our Fair Game budget through June. Looks like Sea Org won’t be paid anything until 2016.”

“Fair Game is just money down the drain,” Delusion lamented. “While we should be building more Ideal Orgs to keep up with the demand, we are nevertheless mandated to lavishly Fair Game SP’s — and in doing so we are rewarding downstats. All of these SP’s are such freeloaders! I hate them all!”

“Fair Game is of course an inherent, absurd, and incredibly expensive contradiction in the Founder’s logic that there should always be exchange. Nevertheless, we are unalterably committed to this wasteful course of action as we are ordered to ‘spare no expense’ in Fair Gaming SP’s by our own scriptures.”

“The internet be damned!” roared Delusion. “It is only a matter of more time and more money until Scientology wins!”

“Whereupon, the only sane answer is to create more money and in abundance. For this reason, Captain Miscavige is pleased to announce the new super deluxe Golden Age of Tech Phase II Platinum Basics Library. Priced at $12,500 per set, all Scientologists are hereby ordered to purchase ten sets for their homes and to donate so that every library in the world has a set.”

“Dig deep,” said Delusion. “Not only do we have a Planet to Clear — we also have a planet to Fair Game! Welcome to the Bridge to Total Freedom!”


Global Fair Game Emergency Declared by Captain Miscavige!

TSAR.DAVE“Due to extreme suppression of unprecedented magnitudes, Captain David Miscavige has declared a Global Fair Game Emergency,” exclaimed Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

“What this means,” Delusion emphasized, “is that ‘top-of-the-bridge make-it-go-right kamikaze‘ OT’s and OSA are to dramatically expand Fair Game attacks upon all SP’s, Psychs, Marcabian agents, Anons, Indies, haters, and the New World Order that wants to take guns away from we Scientologists!”

“Because Scientology is winning,” Delusion explained, “the Psychs are in their death throes and savagely fighting back like the wounded, dying, and cornered animals they are! They all need to be disposed of quietly and without sorrow!”

“As described by the Founder in our scriptures, Fair Game is defined as follows:

SP Order. Fair game. May be deprived of property 
or injured by any means by any Scientologist 
without any discipline of the Scientologist. 
May be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed.

LRH:jp                         L. RON HUBBARD
Copyright (c) 1967             Founder

TOP SECRET OSA Network Order 15 is also in effect: