November 21, 2016

Religious Technology Center
David Miscavige
UPS Store, PO Box 12
San Jacinto, CA

President-Elect Donald Trump
Trump Tower
New York, NY

Dear Mr. President-Elect Trump,

As a fellow global leader and the Pope  of Scientology, the world’s fastest growing copyrighted religion, I am in a unique position to help you 47x your presidential stats. Please allow me to elucidate just a few of the unique services Scientology can offer you:

* Sec checking your staff several times per day to find the hidden criminals and SP’s who will secretly put counter-intention and sabotage on your lines if they are not ferreted out. Trust me on this. I know just how traitorous staff members can be.

* Having Scientology OSA contractors and MAA’s physically beat the CICS fuck-ups on your staff so that you don’t have to.

* Imprisoning your staff in our RPF religious prisons where they will be subjected to heavy manual labor, sleep deprivation, and thought reform in order to bring them into compliance with your agenda.

* Spying on, stalking, harassing, and Fair Gaming your political opponents.

*Writing long florid speeches that actually say nothing.

*Training NASA astronauts to raise their IQ and reaction times.

* Auditing your cabinet members to the State of Clear and then on to OTVIII. This will allow them to go exterior and operate outside the confines of their physical meat bodies.

All I ask in return Mr. President-Elect is that you sign a series of Executive Orders making it a crime in all 50 states to criticize David Miscavige (me) or Scientology, or to engage in joking & degrading about David Miscavige (me) or Scientology. All television shows, movies, books, and internet postings that are critical of David Miscavige (me) or  Scientology would also become illegal and punishable by a term 0f 327 years in prison and a fine of $50,000,000 per offense.

I am confident that you will embrace my proposal. And may I extend to you and your family my sincere invitation to visit Flag Land Base for some courtesy auditing when you are next in Florida.

ML,

David Miscavige
Royal Imperial Galactic Sovereign and Protector of Galaxies

PS: While I have nothing to do with running the daily affairs of the Church of Scientology, I do act in my capacity as a goodwill ambassador for all of the churches of Scientology in the ecclesiastical hierarchy of Scientology churches.

PSS: To whom in your new administration would I direct my, uh, special Scientology friend’s request for a potential pardon in the event that RICO charges are asserted by Attorney General nominee Mr. Jeff Sessions against my, err, my special Scientology friend and his alleged co-conspirators in an alleged series of crimes?