Tag Archives: L. Ron Hubbard

Scientology & Disconnection

Theta.Movers

The Church of Scientology is pleased to announce its newest venture: Theta Movers. This full service moving company is here to service all your moving needs when OSA has ordered you to move far away from neighboring SP’s, particularly when these SP’s are family who want to stop your Bridge progress.

“While we in the Church of Scientology most definitely do not practice Disconnection as portrayed by the ASC-controlled wog media,” said VP of Disconnection Services Mr. Ken Delusion, “We strongly feel that no Scientologist should be forced to live near any source of enturbulances or suppression who are hostile to their practice of Scientology and its policy of Disconnection, a policy that is widely misunderstood.”

“Disconnection does not ‘break up families’ as claimed,” emphasized Mr. Delusion who has not spoken to his own parents in ten years after they were declared SP’s for reading entheta on the internet, “Rather, Disconnection simply rearranges families and changes ‘communication‘ to ‘no communication.’ And indeed as the Founder said, ‘No communication with disaffected family members prevents a chaos of thinkingness, a flood of restimulative human emotion and reaction in which the gung ho Scientologist feels torn between the Church and his or her family. Dramatizing family is a homo sap weakness, nothing more than genetic entity think and the Homo Novis is a skyscraper higher than such concerns, particularly when Scientology so desperately needs more money.”

“It is a high crime, a violation of KSW to put family before the Church,” Delusion pointedly insisted. “And even my own parents know how easy it is to get back in touch with me. They simply need to do A-E, make up the damage they’ve done to the group, and strike an effective blow against the members of the group they’ve been pretending to be a member of. Marty has set a sterling example in this regard as he suffers up through the conditions.”

“In happier news,” said Delusion, “the new Hubbard Trailer Rancho has opened in Dunedin. Named after the Founder, this older trailer park was acquired by the ILO recently with IAS funds. The park features affordable single wide trailer homes and is intended for those Scientologists who don’t have the reach or wherewithal to afford a stick built home. And per Scientology policy, the Hubbard Trailer Rancho is ringed with a razor wire fence to keep SP’s out and Scientologists in.”

trailer.park

Hey young people! Here’s a groovy free CD offer from your friends at the Church of Scientology!

Hey young people! Here’s a groovy free CD offer from your friends at Scientology. We’re the coolest religion on Earth! Just fill out the card and mail it in or drop by your nearest Org. If you come to an Org don’t tell your parents or anyone else where you’re going because they’re SP’s and wouldn’t understand. Only we understand. We’re your friends and you can even meet Tom Cruise. Far out!

RJ.67

Marcabs Invade PAC Base!

Marcabs.11

PAC Base Incident Report: 2213 Hours: Warships of the Marcabian Confederation decloaked and criminally penetrated Scientology airspace in an attempt to steal the OT materials. This violation of the RTC-Marcabian treaty may lead to war. Fleet Admiral David Miscavige has vowed to stop the recent unchecked episodes of Marcabian aggression and incursions into Scientology airspace.

Bottom line: The Marcabs will never get the OT materials and may never receive auditing in this or any other lifetime until they confess their crimes and give Scientology their exteriorization technology. We in Scientology need the Marcabian exteriorization technology because ours doesn’t work and never has.

Scientology to Sue City of Clearwater for Eleventy Billion Dollars!

Clearwater.Land

The so-called “City of Clearwater” is a cynical wog legal fiction. Created and funded by Big Pharma only to torment, harass, and impede the progress of Scientology, Clearwater’s latest outrage occurred last evening when it’s Psych-infested city council voted 5-0 to purchase a 1.4 acre parcel of land for $4.5 million dollars. This was done for selfish motives and purely to piss off Scientology and COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige.

Mr. Miscavige had generously offered the Aquarium $15 million for this worthless piece of dirt as part of his sweeping vision to create a 21st century Downtown Clearwater. But no, the fix was in: The wholetrack SP criminals at the Aquarium had engaged in a conspiracy with the City Council to deprive Scientology of this vitally needed piece of land. The Church of Scientology plans to sue the City of Clearwater for eleventy billion dollars. Our wog lawyers will allege that both Scientology and the citizens of Clearwater have been irreparably harmed.

COB had planned to build an Olympic-sized pool and stadium on the land. With seating for 50,000 people, the new Scientology Super Power Olympic Aquatic Center would have allowed Clearwater to bid for the 2024 Summer Olympics. However, the Psychs have now destroyed all hopes for the glory that could have been Downtown Clearwater:

Clearwater.Pool

The Scientology Super Power Olympic Aquatic Center will never be built in Clearwater thanks to the Psychs on the City Council. However, the IAS is fundraising to build this urgently needed aquatic facility in San Jacinto, California.

 

Tom Cruise to Star in L. Ron Hubbard Biopic!

TC.LRH

Tom Cruise gains 50 pounds to play L. Ron Hubbard in Scientology Media Production’s upcoming LRH biopic The Way to Make a Fortune is to Start a Religion!

Defining Moments in Scientology History

Defining moments in Scientology History: Too preoccupied with posing for his PR photo, L. Ron Hubbard never saw the deadly Japanese Zero closing in on him. His somewhat hard won judo skills would be of no use to him in this situation.

zero

Dianetics: Modern Science of Mental Health for Homo Saps

Dianetics.comic.cover

Following the unprecedented success of Guhlaxy Press selling 50,000,000 copies Battlefield Earth at Comic-Con 2016, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige is having Bridge Publications rush into production a 100,000,000 piece print run of Dianetics in comic book form. It’s “back to pulp” as it were.

Entitled Dianetics: Modern Science of Mental Health for Homo Saps, this edition of Dianetics with its irreverent, snarky, and outrageous new subtitle is sure to appeal to young people because, with the few exceptions of embarrassing morons like Joy Villa, we in Scientology are not connecting with young people these days.