Tag Archives: L. Ron Hubbard

Hey young people! Here’s a groovy free CD offer from your friends at the Church of Scientology!

Hey young people! Here’s a groovy free CD offer from your friends at Scientology. We’re the coolest religion on Earth! Just fill out the card and mail it in or drop by your nearest Org. If you come to an Org don’t tell your parents or anyone else where you’re going because they’re SP’s and wouldn’t understand. Only we understand. We’re your friends and you can even meet Tom Cruise. Far out!

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Marcabs Invade PAC Base!

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PAC Base Incident Report: 2213 Hours: Warships of the Marcabian Confederation decloaked and criminally penetrated Scientology airspace in an attempt to steal the OT materials. This violation of the RTC-Marcabian treaty may lead to war. Fleet Admiral David Miscavige has vowed to stop the recent unchecked episodes of Marcabian aggression and incursions into Scientology airspace.

Bottom line: The Marcabs will never get the OT materials and may never receive auditing in this or any other lifetime until they confess their crimes and give Scientology their exteriorization technology. We in Scientology need the Marcabian exteriorization technology because ours doesn’t work and never has.

Scientology to Sue City of Clearwater for Eleventy Billion Dollars!

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The so-called “City of Clearwater” is a cynical wog legal fiction. Created and funded by Big Pharma only to torment, harass, and impede the progress of Scientology, Clearwater’s latest outrage occurred last evening when it’s Psych-infested city council voted 5-0 to purchase a 1.4 acre parcel of land for $4.5 million dollars. This was done for selfish motives and purely to piss off Scientology and COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige.

Mr. Miscavige had generously offered the Aquarium $15 million for this worthless piece of dirt as part of his sweeping vision to create a 21st century Downtown Clearwater. But no, the fix was in: The wholetrack SP criminals at the Aquarium had engaged in a conspiracy with the City Council to deprive Scientology of this vitally needed piece of land. The Church of Scientology plans to sue the City of Clearwater for eleventy billion dollars. Our wog lawyers will allege that both Scientology and the citizens of Clearwater have been irreparably harmed.

COB had planned to build an Olympic-sized pool and stadium on the land. With seating for 50,000 people, the new Scientology Super Power Olympic Aquatic Center would have allowed Clearwater to bid for the 2024 Summer Olympics. However, the Psychs have now destroyed all hopes for the glory that could have been Downtown Clearwater:

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The Scientology Super Power Olympic Aquatic Center will never be built in Clearwater thanks to the Psychs on the City Council. However, the IAS is fundraising to build this urgently needed aquatic facility in San Jacinto, California.

 

Tom Cruise to Star in L. Ron Hubbard Biopic!

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Tom Cruise gains 50 pounds to play L. Ron Hubbard in Scientology Media Production’s upcoming LRH biopic The Way to Make a Fortune is to Start a Religion!

Defining Moments in Scientology History

Defining moments in Scientology History: Too preoccupied with posing for his PR photo, L. Ron Hubbard never saw the deadly Japanese Zero closing in on him. His somewhat hard won judo skills would be of no use to him in this situation.

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Dianetics: Modern Science of Mental Health for Homo Saps

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Following the unprecedented success of Guhlaxy Press selling 50,000,000 copies Battlefield Earth at Comic-Con 2016, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige is having Bridge Publications rush into production a 100,000,000 piece print run of Dianetics in comic book form. It’s “back to pulp” as it were.

Entitled Dianetics: Modern Science of Mental Health for Homo Saps, this edition of Dianetics with its irreverent, snarky, and outrageous new subtitle is sure to appeal to young people because, with the few exceptions of embarrassing morons like Joy Villa, we in Scientology are not connecting with young people these days.

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Battlefield Earth: Shelly Battles Terl!

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