“Pictures don’t lie,” said Valley Ideal Org Executive Director Ken Delusion. “Our Org is leaning. The entire building slopes towards Burbank Blvd.

“This sloping of the building interfered with yesterday’s meeting of the Emergency Plenary Committee on Excess Carpeting & Floor Space. Water bottles kept falling over. Speakers had to stand at unnatural angles to compensate.

“A wog geological engineering firm we hired was able to determine the ‘Why’ for why the Org is leaning,” Delusion noted. “It seems that the 1,500 trillion metric tons of unsold Basics libraries in the basement has caused a failure in the ground beneath the Org.

“But what can we do?” Delusion lamented. “COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige long ago ordered the Valley to take in and store in our basement all of the unwanted Basics libraries produced by Bridge Publications each day.  This has been going on for ten years now.

“As a consequence, the Valley Org now owes Bridge Publications over $250,000 trillion dollars for these Basics libraries. Worse, the City of Los Angeles is demanding that we fix the problem. We have no money and only a tiny handful of staff. The solution, per the Founder, is to fix it using Scientology. But how can we do this when Scientology caused the problem in the first place? Color me hopeless,” Delusion concluded.