Church of Scientology to Open Aquarium in Downtown Clearwater

aquarium-740x498“We are the experts on aquariums,” announced Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.

“And with that in mind, the Church will be opening a new aquarium here in Downtown Clearwater.”

david-miscavige-nashville-scientology-opening

“And quite unlike the proposed wogquaria, our monumental and highly deluxe new Ideal Aquarium Clearwater will be free to the public.”

“All we require in exchange for free entry is that guests sit through a short one hour film called Orientation and then sign a few legal waivers,” Delusion noted.

Fish.Store“What makes Ideal Aquarium Clearwater unique is that visitors will be able to take fish and fish supplies home in exchange for fixed donations.”

“Our new ecclesiastical aquarium will boom commerce in Downtown Clearwater!” Delusion enthused.

8 responses to “Church of Scientology to Open Aquarium in Downtown Clearwater

  1. COB’s brilliant new ideal aquarium concept will hopefully include only species which exemplify his own character and dedication to the noble cause of planetary clearance and booming stats.

    That is, in keeping with his registrar ethos and Sea Org determination, one would expect the tanks to be full of piranhas and great white sharks to make clear the words of the founder that life is a game of survival:

    “Never let them be half-minded about being Scientologists. The finest organizations in history have been tough, dedicated organizations. Not one namby-pamby bunch of pantywaisted dilettantes have ever made anything. It’s a tough universe. The social veneer makes it seem mild. But only the tigers survive – and even they have a hard time. We’ll survive becuase we are tough and dedicated.”

    Andrew

    Like

  2. Overboarding? IAS baptism? Just two of what are endless possibilities…

    Like

  3. One can only ask if the Sea Org will add some surplus fish to the standard daily menu of beans and rice?

    Like

  4. how about “sucker fish”? Here fishy fishy, here fishy, fishy!!!!

    Like

  5. “David Miscavige Accepts Jesus as His Personal Savior” is one of the previous titles on this site. Getting to see “Orientation” for free on top of free entry to the new Scientology Aquarium is a truly selfless act of Christian kindness and charity in the case of COB. This, I´m sure, will reflect very positively on the way people regard our religion.

    I think it is a very wise move on the part of the church, which could very well result in people all over the world stampeding into our churches in unprecedented numbers, to learn the truth about Scientology.

    It cannot be denied, that COB has dedicated his entire life and worked tirelessly for over 30 years now to Clear This Planet and bring Scientology to all corners of the earth. I am hoping that the opening of this new Scientology Aquarium is finally making that goal a REALITY!

    Like

  6. The fact that you get to see the film “Orientation” for FREE as well as FREE admission to the Scientology Aquarium should once and for all establish the FACT that Scientology is NOT all about the money…….. as the evil rumour mongers and those who have other fish to fry try to make us believe!!!

    Like

  7. So does this mean the fundraising for the new Ideal Aquarium has been cancelled and it will be opened next year instead of 2034?

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s