“Kim Kardashian failed her bar exam because she never completed a course in L. Ron Hubbard Study Technology,” said Church spokesperson Ken Delusion.

“We in Scientology are therefore publicly offering to help Kim Kardashian by gifting her a free course in L. Ron Hubbard Study Technology.

“We are humanitarians and want to help.

“Ms. Kardashian obviously went past words and terms in her bar exam she did not understand. For example, Writ of Mandamus, a term which is of supreme importance to we in Scientology in order to keep COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige out of court.

“Ms. Kardashian likely failed to understand contracts of binding arbitration which are central to Scientology’s existential existence.

“If Kim Kardashian hopes to ever become good enough to become one of Scientology’s wog attorneys, then she must complete and pass a course in L. Ron Hubbard Study Technology. She will be given ample assistance by Flag-trained course supervisors.

“During this course, Ms. Kardashian will learn mass and significance by doing clay demos. She will also become super literate and learn how to use a dictionary.”

“Scientology is here to help Kim Kardashian help herself.

“Also, Tom Cruise needs a fourth wife. However, Kim Kardashian would have to become a Scientologist in order to be considered as the next Mrs. Tom Cruise, and so there is that matter as well for her to consider.”