Scientology archeologists have discovered a mural in a heretofore unknown cave system in Israel.

“The mural clearly shows the Caucasian Jesus and his disciples sharing a crack pipe,” said Scientology archeologist Dr. Donald McDonaldson. “This shocking discovery conclusively proves that Christianity is an R6 implant religion as Dr. Hubbard taught us. Indeed, one need only read the Book of Revelation to see that St. John was still smoking crack when he wrote this book after being exiled to the island of Patmos.”

“The mural further confirms the widespread belief that Kenny Loggins is a direct descendant of Jesus and, as such, is the last living member of the Merovingian bloodline.”

“Given the facts, we in Scientology have opened wide the doors to our Ideal Orgs to the hundreds of millions of Christians who we know will flee from their false R6 implant religion now that they know the brutal truth: Jesus was a crackhead!“