Just as the discovery of 50,000 year old fossilized e-meter shocked the world and proved the antiquity of Scientology, the latest discovery by Dr. Ken Delusion’s team of Archeo-Scientologists is guaranteed to stun the world!
After using hundreds of bulldozers and over a million tons of dynamite to clear cut over one million acres of pristine Andean rain forest, Dr. Delusion and his team today discovered an intact DC-8 spaceplane that crash-landed 75,000,000 years ago near one of the principal volcanoes of Earth.
“This is huge. Just huge,” exclaimed Dr. Delusion. “The haters mock Scientology over claims that (redacted) kidnapped trillions of people on other planets 75,000,000 years ago and dumped them into the volcanoes of Earth — which was then called Teegeeack — but our discovery of the DC-8 spaceplane proves Incident II of OT III actually happened!”
“Archeo-Scientology has far exceeded anything the Mormons have produced in their dubious archeological attempts to prove that Jesus was in North America preaching to New World Jews.”
“Yeah, right,” sniffed Dr. Delusion. “A blonde-haired, blue-eyed, white-skinned Jesus flew over from Jerusalem on El Al and preached to Jewish Incas. The guy would’ve needed a lot of sunscreen along the equator. Whatever. I don’t care so long as the Mormons let we in Scientology keep our money in their Zions Bank to conceal, err, protect it.” In related news, the Nation of Islam has applauded the work and opinions of Dr. Delusion and his team of highly trained Archeo-Scientologists.
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged 000, 000 years ago, 75, Archeo-Scientologists, DC-8, Incas, Jesus, Ken Delusion, Mormoms, OTIII, Spaceplane, Xenu, Zions Bank
Scientology leader David Miscavige is the greatest spiritual leader in history. He is greater than Jesus, Buddha, etc.
David Miscavige clutched a Bible in his hands. He humbly stared down at his feet and began slowly speaking.
“I am a changed man since I accepted Jesus as my personal lord and savior… I see the error of my ways, the lies, the abuse… it was all wrong.”
“I grew up in the Church of Scientology… I didn’t know any better… I didn’t know it was wrong to lie, to beat people, and to take people’s money by making them buy the same old books and trophies over and over. I am… I must confess, the hapless victim of a religious cult.”
“But now I’m a new man and I want to begin a new life.”
“I want to turn over a new leaf. My plan is to open and fund a charity to help people at the scenes of accidents. To teach children how to read….”
“Oh please! Let me stop you right there Mr. Miscavige,” said the Federal judge. “I am not swayed by your religious conversion. The court rejects your plea for clemency and sentences you to twenty-five years to life!”
“Bailiffs! Take him away!”
David Miscavige awoke from yet another nightmare, his third one in a week.
We in RTC applaud Scientology OTVIII Grant Cardone for his very deep and profound view of Jesus.
It comes near the very end:
Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!
Tagged church of scientology, David Miscavige, Grant Cardone, Jesus, Jesus Christ, L. Ron Hubbard, OTVIII, OTVIIIisGrrr8!, RTC, Scientology Bridge, Scientology celebrity centre, Suppressive Persons. L. Ron Hubbard