“A troubled Prince Andrew has turned to we in the Church of Scientology for help,” said spokesman Ken Delusion. “The Flag Case Supervisor has ordered the Prince to undergo 100 hours of confessionals to get his full life history before he can begin Life Repair.”
“We have assured the Prince that his deepest secrets are safe with us. We in Scientology believe so very deeply in the sanctity of the priest-penitent confessional that Andrew’s pc folder data would never wind up on the internet.”
“Moreover,” Delusion added, “Pedophiles and rapists are fully protected by we in the Church of Scientology and have nothing to worry about. Prince Andrew is safe so long as he remains in good standing with us.”
“Prince Andrew’s only problem is paying for what will surely be thousands of hours of Scientology processing after losing his £249,000 royal salary. For this reason, Prince Andrew has set up a GoFundMe page to raise £2,000,000 to take him up through OT VIII and pay for his IAS statuses.”
“Please donate to help this troubled thetan handle his reactive mind,” Delusion implored Scientologists everywhere. “We are here to help and wish to see Prince Andrew winning in life again.”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
Breaking News: After lopping off the head of final challenger The Kurgen, Connor McLeod from the clan McLeod and staunch member of the church of Highlanderology says to Prince Andrew “give me 30 quid and then hold on to these 2 newly empty bottles of whiskey and you’ll remember nothing of your past crimes, much much cheaper than that Florida rubbish”
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First of all, I want to know where I can sign up to be Prince Andrew’s FSM. I would be very happy to help him move up The Bridge to Total Freedom and go full OT. I also want him to move up in Status in the IAS and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get that done. Scientologists are all about ignoring MEST Universe realities and just getting the cash to the reg before 14:00 on Thursday. I can help him do that.
With that said, I don’t think it is necessary to resort to a GoFundMe campaign. The Prince has scads of wealthy relatives to hit up for a few million quid. I’m sure that there are also lots of Dukes, Duchesses, Barons, Earls, Countesses, landed gentry etc. that would be more than willing to help a fellow aristocrat out. And, the Prince will feel right at home doing Bridge actions at the fabled St. Hill Manor right in jolly ol’ England. I can hardly wait to get my first FSM commission so that my FSM can get some money from me!!!
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