Tag Archives: IAS

Caved In Weakling Scientologists Engaging in Deindexing Stories from Google

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It has been brought to our attention in RTC that Scientology OT’s are having articles about their involvement in Scientology deindexed (removed) from Google. This is a very BAD INDICATOR that means two things:

1. These theetie-wheetie dilettante Scientologists have no confront and are ashamed of being publicly identified as Scientologists. This is why they use attorneys to demand that Google deindex articles in which they are identified as Scientologists. COB has confront. He never has Black PR or entheta articles about him deindexed from Google. So why do these publics? Why are their necks so precious?

2. Scientologists who have had Google deindex articles are at -8.0 on the Tone Scale as they have gone into hiding. Their downward spiral continued to -10.0 where they have become objects, specifically they have become their IAS trophies. Predictively, they will next become -20.0 which is nothing.

We in RTC think less of the Bob Duggan’s of the world who get caved in by articles about them being Scientologists and thus engage in deindexing rather than standing up and confronting the Isness of, say, having shipped one’s kids off to Scientology Africa in exchange for a large donation to the Ideal Org in Jo’burg.

We in RTC order problem Sea Org members shipped all over the world into miserable hellholes, Class 5 Orgs, body routing, and even into the RPF. This movement of problem people is  neither an overt nor a sordid subject. This is what we want Scientologists Simone Hafenmeyer, Dennis Romeiser, and Simone Lorenzen of Germany to know.

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David Miscavige’s New All White Bedroom

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After throwing a major ecclesiastical temper tantrum and rather dramatically screaming that his existing bedroom was too dark and depressing, David Miscavige demanded a new white bedroom. “I need white to match my new spring pompadour and suit!” the Scientology Pontiff exclaimed.

The IAS stepped in and generously donated $5,000,000 to fund the Ideal COB Bedroom. A trained crew of Swiss experts demolished COB’s old $2,500,000 bedroom that featured the finest in imported zebra wood, Italian marble, and a luxurious comforter made from the oily pelts of rare Amazonian beavers. This comforter was not wasted. An errant RTC executive was rolled up into the comforter; whereupon she was bound in it by ropes and thrown into a nearby raging river swollen by snow runoff. But that is not the point.

The point is that COB has a fabulous new white bedroom for spring. This bedroom features a set of matching Schonbeck 6967-26TK Swarovski Sophia chandeliers. And, per RTC policy, COB’s new bedroom features a high-speed magnetic rail escape tunnel that ultimately leads to the Nirvana of Bulgravia.

Scientology Fugitive David Miscavige Arrested by the FBI

After a nearly year-long manhunt, Scientology fugitive David Miscavige was arrested by the FBI in Las Vegas after being picked up by local police for a minor shoplifting incident.

Las Vegas police responded to a shoplifting call at the Walmart Supercenter located on the 4500 block of West Charleston Boulevard. The suspect was a white male in his late 50’s who was described as being “extremely intoxicated.”

“The suspect had shoplifted several packs of underwear, socks, breath mints, and two bottles of scotch,” said Sargent Lisa Davenport of the LVPD. “After running his prints we discovered we were holding Scientology fugitive David Miscavige in our drunk tank. That’s when we contacted the FBI on the outstanding federal warrant against Miscavige.”

“The Las Vegas FBI took Mr. Miscavige into custody and transported him by aircraft to the federal Supermax prison in Colorado where he is being held without bond pending trial.”

The US Attorney General’s Office has charged David Miscavige with conspiracy to commit religious fraud. According to the indictment, beginning in about 1984 continuing until present time, Miscavige conspired with others to fraudulently issue, offer, and sell phony Scientology Clear, OT, and IAS certificates issued by corporate shells which they controlled, including the Church of Scientology International, Flag Service Organization, the Flag Ship Service Organization, and the International Association of Scientologists.

Additionally, Miscavige and conspirators engaged in deceptive practices and issued misleading press releases to promote “IAS Statuses” to give credulous Scientology parishioners the impression that the defendants were actively engaged in the dissemination and protection of the Scientology religion, when in truth, Miscavige and his fellow conspirators were allowing the Church of Scientology to be destroyed by their profligate and violent acts,  which included Miscavige’s wholetrack campaign of terror and looting IAS bank accounts by collecting hundreds of millions of dollars in FSM commissions and personal appearance fees during the decades in which he spoke and engaged in high pressure fundraising at IAS events.

The charges against Miscavige allege that CSI, FSO, FSSO, and the IAS were hollow shells that did not engage in regular or substantial religious activities, did not produce any actual religious goods or services, and did not make auditors, Clears, or OT’s as promoted in their news releases.

According to the indictment, Miscavige and his conspirators fraudulently induced Scientology parishioners to donate billions of dollars to unregistered CSI, FSO, FSSO, and IAS entities in Aruba, Bonaire, and Curacao in exchange for glorified bowling trophies given at gouache and overwrought IAS ceremonies.

Although these IAS trophies have an actual market value of less than $1000 apiece, the conspirators offered and sold these trophies for billions of dollars, the proceeds of which were divided and distributed among Miscavige and his fellow other conspirators, which conspirators consisted mainly of what the indictment calls “wog lawyers.”

“Most of the ill-gotten monies were laundered, structured, and normalized by investing in a vast real estate portfolio called “Ideal Orgs.” Miscavige has a 75% ownership in this real estate portfolio with his his fellow conspirators controlling 25%.

Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion could not be located in order to respond to these charges. Delusion was last seen on surveillance cameras at a Mobil gas station in Hercules, California where he made an ATM withdrawal. It is believed he may be hiding at a CST nuclear vault in Capitola, California.

Fleet Admiral David Miscavige Orders Scientology Security Forces to Stand Down in Clearwater

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After an intense 48 hour manhunt and dragnet conducted by over 1,200 members of Scientology’s security forces, it has been determined that Tony Ortega was not in Clearwater. Nevertheless, the threat of his mere presence in Clearwater resulted in a DEFCON 5 red alert and the deployment of all available security forces. Following the stand down order, Scientologists may safely leave their panic rooms and return to their course rooms.

“Flag Land Base is safe once again thanks to valiant efforts Fleet Admiral David Miscavige to safeguard Scientology,” said Church spokesman Captain Ken Delusion, CO of the Parishioner Action Response Allied Network Operational International Agency (PARANOIA).

“PARANOIA is in constant action within Scientology,” emphasized Delusion. “It is a dangerous world out there and PARANOIA is, for the Scientologist, all that stands between danger and safety. For this reason, Scientologists must double and triple their IAS donations to keep Scientology’s PARANOIA fully funded. The OSA Staff at the Scientology PARANOIA control center tracks all SP’s 24/7/365 and is ready to launch a full scale response as happened over the weekend when a possible Ortega sighting was telephoned into the PARANOIA Crisis Center.”

How to Determine if a Scientologist is in Good Standing with the Church of Scientology

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All Scientologists are like Schrödinger’s cat in the box: They are simultaneously in good standing and not in good standing with the Church. If a radioactive legal particle adverse to the Church appears, the flask inside the box is broken and suppressive acts on the part of the Scientologist named in the legal papers are detected. The box is opened by the IJC and the wave function collapses down into the state in which the Scientologist is not in good standing in with the Church.

In Scientology the designation “In Good Standing With the Church” remains governed at all times by the Scientology Uncertainty Principle. This principle states that a Scientologist is only as valuable as he or she can continuously donate money to Scientology and never become a legal or PR problem. However, the Scientologist can never know if they have donated enough money or have become a legal or PR problem.

All Scientology certs and awards are also governed by the Scientology Uncertainty Principle and thus, the wave function of certs and awards can suddenly collapse down into an outcome in which all certs and awards are cancelled.

It is only possible to know a Scientologist’s level on the Bridge or their standing with the Church. One cannot know both. One can know, for example, if a Scientologist is a Clear or an OT but that does not tell you if they are in good standing with the Church or a declared SP. Not even the Scientologist knows. Only the IJC knows and, even then, the IJC only knows what COB tells him he may or may not know. Again, this is the Scientology Uncertainty Principle at work.

“In Good Standing” therefore remains, at all times, a purely quantum mechanical probability governed by the laws of legal and PR interactions within the seemingly oddball system of Scientology metaphysics. As Ken Delusion himself has said, “If you claim to understand Scientology then you don’t.”

Scientology Western Movie Storyboard. Opening Scenes

The movie opens with Sam the Scientologist, played by Tom Cruise, being ejected bodily from a saloon and hurled onto the dirty streets of Wogtown:

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Scene 2: The bad guy “Imonda Internet” emerges from the saloon. A showdown on the dirty streets of Wogtown between Scientology and the Internet shapes up. This powerful metaphor between the forces of good (Scientology) and evil (The Internet) defines the existential struggle for Scientologists:

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Message: Sam represents COB. Sam’s gun represents the IAS. The bullets in Sam’s gun and on his gun belt represent donations to the IAS. Thus, the movie’s central message is conveyed in the opening seconds of the film: Have you donated to the IAS to put bullets into Sam’s gun? Or are you a CICS dilettante?

Church of Scientology Devalues IAS Trophies

PatronMaximus“The IAS is gripped by a dual disaster,” exclaimed Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

“First, there is a vast oversupply of IAS status trophies. Indeed, IAS warehouses are holding a projected twenty-five year supply of status trophies — and this in the face of drastically falling demand.”

“Second, the value of IAS statuses have fallen 496% on the Scientology market in the past twelve months.”

“As a result of this perfect storm.” Delusion stated, “we in the Church of Scientology had no choice but to devalue IAS status trophies from their high fixed prices and allow them to drop to free market levels.”

“Accordingly, the $10,000,000 Platinum Double Diamond with Stayfree Wings trophy (pictured below) is now selling for $650.00 on eBay. 872 of these babies are available for immediate purchase,” Delusion remarked. “For an extra $100 you can pick up your IAS trophy at AOLA and have your photo taken with a cardboard likeness of COB RTC David Miscavige.”

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