“Allen Stanfield aka the shitposter ‘Alanzo’ has a very bad medical condition in which is head is permanently lodged up his ass,” said Dr. Shirley Dye of the Hollywood Religious Hospital.
“Allen has suffered from this condition for decades. As a result, his spine is permanently fused into this contortion.
“It is inoperable,” said Dr. Dye. “What Allen needs are some breathing tubes surgically implanted into his rectum. This is a $50,000 surgery and Alanzo needs your help.
“Allen will never be mentally right,” conceded Dr. Dye. “And in fact he became a shitposter and a mental case as a result of the long-term oxygen starvation to his brain. Poor Allen has had to breathe in the rancid stench of own foulness for decades.
“Nevertheless, we at the Hollywood Religious Hospital are humanitarians and want to help. Please send in a donation today to help Alanzo.