Tag Archives: Allen Stansfield

Allen Stanfield aka Alanzo Has a Serious Medical Condition!

Alanzo

“Allen Stanfield aka the shitposter ‘Alanzo’ has a very bad medical condition in which is head is permanently lodged up his ass,” said Dr. Shirley Dye of the Hollywood Religious Hospital.

“Allen has suffered from this condition for decades. As a result, his spine is permanently fused into this contortion.

“It is inoperable,” said  Dr. Dye. “What Allen needs are some breathing tubes surgically implanted into his rectum. This is a $50,000 surgery and Alanzo needs your help.

“Allen will never be mentally right,” conceded Dr. Dye. “And in fact he became a shitposter and a mental case as a result of the long-term oxygen starvation to his brain. Poor Allen has had to breathe in the rancid stench of own foulness for decades.

“Nevertheless, we at the Hollywood Religious Hospital are humanitarians and want to help. Please send in a donation today to help Alanzo.

Marty & Alanzo’s Deprogramming Services

Marty’s personal assistant Alanzo clears Marty’s nostril prior to filming video #528.

The Doctors of Scientology Mark C. Rathbun and Allen “Alanzo” Stanfield have joined forces to create Marty & Alanzo’s Deprogramming Services.

“Marty & Alanzo’s Deprogramming Services specializes in deprogramming Anti-Scientologists,” said Dr. Stanfield. “Funded by Scientology’s Office of Special Affairs, our mission is to stop people from attacking the Church of Scientology.”

“Scientology cannot accomplish its humanitarian goals given the activities of Scientology haters. In any decent country, haters would not be allowed to even open their mouths and spew such hate. But in Wog America, Europe, and ANZO they are. This is why deprogrammers like me and Marty are needed to stop the spread of false data about Scientology.”

“And yes,” chortled Alanzo, “David Miscavige gave me the sweater I wear on my videos. I love it as much as Marty loves the brown sports coat COB gave him.”

Dr. Mark C. Rathbun added that the troika and its financiers are out to attack him and that is why he has to incessantly cyber-stalk these people online through his tedious browncoat videos. “Creepy cyber-stalking is part of my deprogramming technique,” said Dr. Rathbun. “And now that Alanzo is my Manuela, my little bitch, I know that together we can defeat the ASC.”