David Miscavige Declared God!

King.DavidCOB RTC David Miscavige tonight declared himself God.

The new Civilization has begun. You will be contacted shortly by the Church of Scientology about your duties and obligations to God.

In the meantime, worship and tribute in the form of your entire net worth and assets are demanded.

God’s first act of Divine Judgment will be to destroy the internet using His Super Powers.

Accordingly, we request that you unplug all of your computers and other digital devices as they too will be destroyed by God pouring out his Divine Wrath against all bitter defrocked apostates, critics, skeptics, and haters.

You had your chance to repent and now you have lost it. You will be sent to various implant stations once God causes all you to simultaneously drop your bodies at 2:00 PM next Thursday, November 21, 2013.

9 responses to “David Miscavige Declared God!

  1. 2pm on Thursday is inconvenient I have an appointment with my doctor.
    Later in the day would suit me better.

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  2. Well, I think that pretty much gives away the EP of the new Clear Certainty Rundown.

    Frankly though, many people at Int and elsewhere have known it for years and openly spoke of him in conversation.

    You’ve probably heard it too. In this context his full name is always used:

    God Damn Miscaviage

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  3. Diamond Encrusted Humanitarian with Honors

    Completed Staff Work

    Situation: With COB David Miscavige being declared God by RTC, every Org should be required to have a “wing” specifically for COBs(and Tom Cruise’s use). In addition all the Orgs should have a bronze statue of COB at each reception welcoming the steady stream of parishioners coming into the Orgs.

    Data: COB David Miscavige(now God) is a busy man, travelling all around the world opening ideal orgs, fighting men hell bent on on reducing this planet to rubble such as Mike Rinder, performing touch assist miracles to the sick and dying in India, spearheading real solutions to the Syrian refugee crisis including visiting camps and giving those people hope. The list goes on so long that if you were to list out all the thing COB does for humanity on a piece of paper the pages will go all the way to Triton orbit it 3 times before landing back on earth. So all the Orgs are going to need to retrofit their spaces to include a “COB’s wing”. Layfeyette R. Hubbard may have his own office, but COB needs his own wing in all the Orgs! Imagine if COB is in Zimbabwe building a school, and decides to pop into the booming Harare org, but they can only offer him an office? Or what if Mr. Cruise is travelling to Bogota with some friends, wouldn’t it be nice to have a whole wing so he doesn’t have to be with the regular parishioners? In addition the founder has a bronze bust in all the Orgs, but us Scientologists think big, so a bronze statue of COB is needed, in fact it should be double the size of COB, so the statue will stand 6 feet high! All this will come with a price tag, but it would be well worth it!

    Solution: We need to urgently fund raise for these new wings, and statues. The public are getting an eternity, COB should get a wing at each org, and a statue. I propose my duties to God is to be A/Fundraiser I/C for COBs office wing and statues Int. I also propose new statuses should be implemented as follows per donation to this project to get the millions upon millions of parishioners excited about the changes to their Orgs:

    $100-friend of a Deacon
    $500-Deacon
    $1000-Seminarian
    $10,000-Priest
    $25,000-Priest with Honors
    $75,000-Monsignor
    $250,000-Bishop
    $500,000-Gold Bishop
    $750,000-Gold Bishop with Honors
    $1,000,000-Cardinal
    $1,500,000-Cardinal Meritorious
    $2,000,000-Gold Cardninal
    $5,000,000-Venerable
    $7,500,000-Blessed Venerable
    $10,000,000-Saint
    $15,000,000-Patron Saint
    $20,000,000-Angel
    $25,000,000-Arch angel
    $50,000,000-Seated at the right hand of God

    I believe these prices are very fair, considering the statuses these public get including the FRAMED certificate, and commendation that goes along with it. Heck we can even throw in a T-shirt, and a pin they can wear as a badge of honor, oh and even a pen that lights up when you activate it! Those who are not at the Bishop level when applying for OT should not be allowed on the OT levels, as it would prove they have definite CI to COB.

    This is ok

    Note-Those declared SP with those statuses will immediately have those statuses above be revoked, and refunds would only be given if a panel of Scientologists in good standing unanimously agree to give the Suppressive a refund. But being how Scientologists are so busy clearing the planet by bringing Central files of the orgs into PT, a decision will likely come long after the statue of limitations run out.

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  4. All of this is LOL hysterical, I am constantly having to charge up my IPAD. So glad I am out! Do I dare put a thousand exclamation points beside this? What fun it is to be on this bright side of the fence.

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  5. This news is disturbing…has anyone told Eric Clapton he’s out of a job?

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  6. woo wee!!!! Dig this stuff!!!!!

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  7. I trust that those in RTC are feverishly working on composing a suitable book of hymns to be sung at events in honor of our lord and savior?

    A few potential titles come to mind…

    Our God is a Short and Merciless God
    How Great Art COB
    Throw Your Troubles in The Hole
    Trust And Obey COB
    There is a Balm in Clearwater
    Oh Lord Anoint Me on the Oiliness Table

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