Coming to Scientology TV: A new action show featuring the adventures of The E-Meter Squad. Join this tough new crew of Flag-trained sec-checkers each week as they ferret out hidden masturbators, thought criminals, […]
The E-Meter Squad
David Miscavige Approves the Use of the Ouija Board to Replace the E-Meter
“Due to the global electronics shortage, we in Scientology are facing a 208-week backorder on repair components for our 21-year-old fleet of Ultra Mark VII e-meters,” said Ricky Rockslammer of Golden Era […]
Scientologists Now Breathing E-Meter Filtered Air to Stay Safe from Airborne BT’s
“New research by the Scientology Bureau of Science has shown that airborne BT’s have increased 4,000% due to increased volcanic activity in the world,” announced Flag folder page Bixby Schoenborn. “For this […]
Warning: There Are No E-Meters in the Between-Lives Area! Buy Your E-Meter Today!
“There are no e-meters in the between-lives area,” Flag Senior C/S Stayta Kleer warned Scientologists. “You’ve got to make it to full OT this time around.” “What a dangerous thought to consider: […]
Psychiatrist Caught Trying to Smuggle New Top Secret E-Meter Out of Scientology Org!
“When word got around that Scientology had a new top-secret e-meter that could instantly cure-all forms of psychological distress and thereby eliminate the need for Psych drugs, Big Pharma was terrified! Big […]
SP Jokers & Degraders Launch Ransonware Attack on Scientology E-Meters!
SP criminals have hacked the Windows XP-based Scientology mainframe computer and put a virus onto all Warehouse 8 e-meters. What happens is that when a floating needle occurs in session, the dial […]
Scientology National Affairs Office — Press Release
Scientology National Affairs Office 1701 20th St NW Washington, DC 20009 PRESS RELEASE Scientologist Trish Duggan today met with senior Trump administration officials to lobby for the establishment of an Office of […]
Hillary Completes OT III at Flag!
Hillary had problems at Flag with the OT III materials, but once we handled her crashing misunderstood on BT’s she F/N’d and attested to having completed the level.
Actor Nicolas Cage to Return Stolen Scientology E-Meter Purchased from Disreputable Mormon Art Dealer
Actor Nicolas Cage agreed to return a stolen antique Scientology e-meter he unwittingly purchased in 2007 from a disreputable Mormon art dealer. “The e-meter was a very rare 1954 Venutian 54-C tube […]
New Sec Checking Sledge Hammer Increases Confessions 4700x
“When applied standardly to kneecaps, elbows, or heads, the patented new RTC sec checking sledge hammer increases confessions 4700x,” declared CO OSA Inquisitions Captain Stayta Kleer. “The new Ultra Mark VIII meter […]
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 