You Can Now Go Clear at Flag with Complete Certainty!

Thanks to the miracles wrought by COB RTC David Miscavige in GAT II, people can now go Clear at Flag with complete certainty.

This was not possible in the past and that is why so many people were stalled at Grade 4 or otherwise falsely attested to Clear. The days of you having to do 5-7 CCRD’s are over! No longer will your Clear status be cancelled every six months.

agnes

Agnes Lamont, Clear #12,932,557

According to COB’s speech this evening at Flag, the Church of Scientology has not made an actual Clear since June 1, 1982 when Agnes Lamont of New York City attested Clear.

“Whereupon, it becomes evident,” Mr. Miscavige emphasized, “that Scientologists will need to re-do their Bridge from Grade 1 forward, this in order to ensure that they go Clear with Certainty.”

“And by this I mean, “COB said, “the certainty made possible by the Golden Age of Tech Phase II, and so yes, that is why I said you would be blown fifty feet out of your head by GAT II!”

The audience of 120,000 Scientologists momentarily went exterior and sat in slack-jawed horror — which is understandable given the magnitude of this planetary-level correct indication given to them by COB.

But then there was a group cog: This explains everything!

Suddenly, COB’s Revelation hit them with the force of a freight  train and they all jumped to their feet in a delirium of wild applause lasting several hours.

“Make no mistake about it,” COB explained, “the State of Clear was temporarily lost due to those squirrel Board Technical Bulletins. And this is what I’ve been handling for twenty years now.”

“And now you know — and indeed your knowingness has Complete Certainty — that the State of Clear has been found once again and made 100% stable by the precise technical actions embodied in GAT II.”

7 responses to “You Can Now Go Clear at Flag with Complete Certainty!

  1. Diamond Encrusted Humanitarian with Honors

    I am very disappointed in this revelation, going clear is such a terrible 1st dynamic activity. It was my hope that a new lost level Humanitarian would have been announced during the event. COB truly failed at this aspect. As everyone should know donating to the ideal orgs is the real path to spiritual freedom, along with attaining higher levels of status with the IAS of course. Being 1.8 million dollars at 24.99% interest in debt is nothing. In fact 641,426 lifetimes ago I accumulated a debt so big for the planet I was ruling at the time, that I forced to relinquish my power to an alien race that was all psychiatrists, who then promptly lobotomized the entire population! As a side note I spent the rest of that lifetime time going through electro-shock therapy on a continuous basis by the evil psychiatric alien race, until I dropped that body, and then picked up the body known to many these days as Admiral Ackbar.

    In any case I just realized the HE&R I may have created by my disaffection and being critical of COB, so I will immediately assign myself treason condition, and report to the nearest HCO since it is clear I have overts against Dear COB, someone who is my best friend, humanities best friend, and who I would gladly disconnect from my children for. In addition, I will secure 6 intensives of Sec Checking, and will pay for it by selling my kidney on the black market, since blood banks don’t pay very much, and the suppressive AMA who run them only allows me to donate 1 pint every 56 days. I do though hope though that a new level of humanitarian is discovered, and that RTC will eventually forgive me, and welcome me back for the high crime of doubting of COB, as I know he will work tirelessly in the next 20 years and eventually discover the next level of humanitarian.

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    • Actually, Diamond Encrusted Humanitarian with Honors, you are so Theta that you got way ahead of COB. The new IAS Levels will be announced and boy do we have some doozies!

      Example: A new IAS Humanitarian Level where the Scientologist is actually dipped into a vat of gold whereupon they permanently exteriorize. Their gold-covered meat body is then put on a marble pedestal in the Hall of Immortals at Flag.

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  2. Praise be to COB! Master of ceremonies to all things oily, pungent and slightly salty. Bringer of soothing balms and lost tech hidden in Hubbard’s cupboards!

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  3. And the price is so cheap–just one lifetime of earnings.

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  4. Going clear is easier than you think. Yesterday I went to the chemist to buy some laxatives and I was clear this morning.

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