COB RTC David Miscavige Declares all Scientology Parishioners “Super Power Completions!”

DM.17Thanks to the superhuman efforts of Church of Scientology parishioners everywhere, COB RTC David Miscavige today declared Super Power a done.

This is amazing news!

In a statement from an undisclosed location, Mr. Miscavige triumphantly proclaimed, “Super Power is the ability to flow power to the IAS.” COB then added, “Whereupon it becomes evident that yes, more than just manifesting a building by postulate alone, the true measure of a Scientologist is measured in an ever-increasing straight up and vertical increase in one’s IAS Patron status that is measurable — and not just measurable in dollars, but measurable by the willingness to be, do, and have whatever is needed and wanted for Planetary Expansion, and so yes, today I have the honor of announcing that we as a Church have EP’d Super Power!”

“I congratulate and salute Scientology parishioners for having completed Super Power!

“The Super Power era having officially ended,” COB noted, “the Church of Scientology now moves into the Golden era of GAT II.”

“But before we begin GAT II,” COB thoughtfully added, “let us pause to enjoy our herculean win as Super Power completions.”

As I said on yesterday’s global Skype call,” COB reiterated, “It required ‘Super Power’ in order to amass the wherewithal needed to put the Flag Building in place and we delivered. Then again, we had to put the Flag Building in place because we had no other choice: The forces of Psychiatric Suppression were threatening to overwhelm and destroy Scientology and only the opening of massive quantities of Ideal Orgs and the singular Flag Building could stem the flood tide of the unprecedented oppression and historic persecution of the Church of Scientology!”

Scientologist and OT VII Dr. Eldon Weiner of Freedom Magazine

Following COB’s announcement that all Scientology parishioners are now Super Power completions, Freedom Magazine staff writer Dr. Eldon Weiner said, “Now that Super Power is finished, COB has decided to turn the Flag Building into a pristine time capsule.”

“COB has ordered the Flag Building hermetically sealed for 100 years so that all of us, when we come back as future Scientologists, can experience what a difference we made this lifetime when it really mattered!”

“Take your win as a Super Power completion,” Dr. Weiner said in echoing COB. “And please finish your Basics as soon as possible if you haven’t already! You don’t want to miss out on all the excitement at Flag when COB launches GAT II sometime next year!”

5 responses to “COB RTC David Miscavige Declares all Scientology Parishioners “Super Power Completions!”

  1. I understand Shelly Miscavige and dozens of Scientology executive strata from the Hole have volunteered to be sealed inside the Flag Building. Kind of like Bio-Dome but without Pauly Shore. They can continue their dedicated work and be around to greet L. Ron when he comes back. With the US military scaling back, Admiral Miscavige could get some MREs real cheap to supplement the beans and rice stockpile. After stats are reported, I think MRE Thursdays will become a big deal at Flag in the future.

    Like

  2. First, the founder’s original Total Freedom Bridge and now Dave’s brand new IAS Freedom Status bridge. The synergy is priceless.

    What will they (fall for) think of next?

    Like

  3. Ivan, I wouldn’t be sealed in anything with Pauly Shore. MRE’s are much more nutritious than just beans and rice. I must say that it is nice that COB is giving all of us the chance to ‘up our status’ again. I say to all, ‘up yours’.

    Like

  4. Why doesn’t COB just declare the entire planet “clear”, and then take credit for clearing the planet?

    Like

    • Because there is so much more money yet to be made in our continuing efforts to clear the planet. We are done with Super Power Fundraising and now that the building is sealed we don’t even have to open and expose COB to Super ridicule for not having the staff to operate it.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s