Tag Archives: International Association of Scientologists

Caved In Weakling Scientologists Engaging in Deindexing Stories from Google

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It has been brought to our attention in RTC that Scientology OT’s are having articles about their involvement in Scientology deindexed (removed) from Google. This is a very BAD INDICATOR that means two things:

1. These theetie-wheetie dilettante Scientologists have no confront and are ashamed of being publicly identified as Scientologists. This is why they use attorneys to demand that Google deindex articles in which they are identified as Scientologists. COB has confront. He never has Black PR or entheta articles about him deindexed from Google. So why do these publics? Why are their necks so precious?

2. Scientologists who have had Google deindex articles are at -8.0 on the Tone Scale as they have gone into hiding. Their downward spiral continued to -10.0 where they have become objects, specifically they have become their IAS trophies. Predictively, they will next become -20.0 which is nothing.

We in RTC think less of the Bob Duggan’s of the world who get caved in by articles about them being Scientologists and thus engage in deindexing rather than standing up and confronting the Isness of, say, having shipped one’s kids off to Scientology Africa in exchange for a large donation to the Ideal Org in Jo’burg.

We in RTC order problem Sea Org members shipped all over the world into miserable hellholes, Class 5 Orgs, body routing, and even into the RPF. This movement of problem people is  neither an overt nor a sordid subject. This is what we want Scientologists Simone Hafenmeyer, Dennis Romeiser, and Simone Lorenzen of Germany to know.

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David Miscavige’s New All White Bedroom

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After throwing a major ecclesiastical temper tantrum and rather dramatically screaming that his existing bedroom was too dark and depressing, David Miscavige demanded a new white bedroom. “I need white to match my new spring pompadour and suit!” the Scientology Pontiff exclaimed.

The IAS stepped in and generously donated $5,000,000 to fund the Ideal COB Bedroom. A trained crew of Swiss experts demolished COB’s old $2,500,000 bedroom that featured the finest in imported zebra wood, Italian marble, and a luxurious comforter made from the oily pelts of rare Amazonian beavers. This comforter was not wasted. An errant RTC executive was rolled up into the comforter; whereupon she was bound in it by ropes and thrown into a nearby raging river swollen by snow runoff. But that is not the point.

The point is that COB has a fabulous new white bedroom for spring. This bedroom features a set of matching Schonbeck 6967-26TK Swarovski Sophia chandeliers. And, per RTC policy, COB’s new bedroom features a high-speed magnetic rail escape tunnel that ultimately leads to the Nirvana of Bulgravia.

Scientology Fugitive David Miscavige Arrested by the FBI

After a nearly year-long manhunt, Scientology fugitive David Miscavige was arrested by the FBI in Las Vegas after being picked up by local police for a minor shoplifting incident.

Las Vegas police responded to a shoplifting call at the Walmart Supercenter located on the 4500 block of West Charleston Boulevard. The suspect was a white male in his late 50’s who was described as being “extremely intoxicated.”

“The suspect had shoplifted several packs of underwear, socks, breath mints, and two bottles of scotch,” said Sargent Lisa Davenport of the LVPD. “After running his prints we discovered we were holding Scientology fugitive David Miscavige in our drunk tank. That’s when we contacted the FBI on the outstanding federal warrant against Miscavige.”

“The Las Vegas FBI took Mr. Miscavige into custody and transported him by aircraft to the federal Supermax prison in Colorado where he is being held without bond pending trial.”

The US Attorney General’s Office has charged David Miscavige with conspiracy to commit religious fraud. According to the indictment, beginning in about 1984 continuing until present time, Miscavige conspired with others to fraudulently issue, offer, and sell phony Scientology Clear, OT, and IAS certificates issued by corporate shells which they controlled, including the Church of Scientology International, Flag Service Organization, the Flag Ship Service Organization, and the International Association of Scientologists.

Additionally, Miscavige and conspirators engaged in deceptive practices and issued misleading press releases to promote “IAS Statuses” to give credulous Scientology parishioners the impression that the defendants were actively engaged in the dissemination and protection of the Scientology religion, when in truth, Miscavige and his fellow conspirators were allowing the Church of Scientology to be destroyed by their profligate and violent acts,  which included Miscavige’s wholetrack campaign of terror and looting IAS bank accounts by collecting hundreds of millions of dollars in FSM commissions and personal appearance fees during the decades in which he spoke and engaged in high pressure fundraising at IAS events.

The charges against Miscavige allege that CSI, FSO, FSSO, and the IAS were hollow shells that did not engage in regular or substantial religious activities, did not produce any actual religious goods or services, and did not make auditors, Clears, or OT’s as promoted in their news releases.

According to the indictment, Miscavige and his conspirators fraudulently induced Scientology parishioners to donate billions of dollars to unregistered CSI, FSO, FSSO, and IAS entities in Aruba, Bonaire, and Curacao in exchange for glorified bowling trophies given at gouache and overwrought IAS ceremonies.

Although these IAS trophies have an actual market value of less than $1000 apiece, the conspirators offered and sold these trophies for billions of dollars, the proceeds of which were divided and distributed among Miscavige and his fellow other conspirators, which conspirators consisted mainly of what the indictment calls “wog lawyers.”

“Most of the ill-gotten monies were laundered, structured, and normalized by investing in a vast real estate portfolio called “Ideal Orgs.” Miscavige has a 75% ownership in this real estate portfolio with his his fellow conspirators controlling 25%.

Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion could not be located in order to respond to these charges. Delusion was last seen on surveillance cameras at a Mobil gas station in Hercules, California where he made an ATM withdrawal. It is believed he may be hiding at a CST nuclear vault in Capitola, California.

Fleet Admiral David Miscavige Orders Scientology Security Forces to Stand Down in Clearwater

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After an intense 48 hour manhunt and dragnet conducted by over 1,200 members of Scientology’s security forces, it has been determined that Tony Ortega was not in Clearwater. Nevertheless, the threat of his mere presence in Clearwater resulted in a DEFCON 5 red alert and the deployment of all available security forces. Following the stand down order, Scientologists may safely leave their panic rooms and return to their course rooms.

“Flag Land Base is safe once again thanks to valiant efforts Fleet Admiral David Miscavige to safeguard Scientology,” said Church spokesman Captain Ken Delusion, CO of the Parishioner Action Response Allied Network Operational International Agency (PARANOIA).

“PARANOIA is in constant action within Scientology,” emphasized Delusion. “It is a dangerous world out there and PARANOIA is, for the Scientologist, all that stands between danger and safety. For this reason, Scientologists must double and triple their IAS donations to keep Scientology’s PARANOIA fully funded. The OSA Staff at the Scientology PARANOIA control center tracks all SP’s 24/7/365 and is ready to launch a full scale response as happened over the weekend when a possible Ortega sighting was telephoned into the PARANOIA Crisis Center.”

I’m a Scientologist at my Org but a Wog everywhere else

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Dr. Frank Wonderman

A guest column by Dr. Frank Wonderman, Executive Director of Parishioner Interrogation & Surveillance Services

The recent 1,000+ parishioner interrogations, or sec checks, my department has conducted revealed a shocking fact: Fully 95% of Scientologists will only admit to being Scientologists when they are in their Orgs!

Everywhere else these theetie-wheetie, dilettante, no-confront Scientologists pretend to be Wogs so they can “blend in” and not be ridiculed for paying a fortune to belong to a strange group of lunatic cultists led by a violent narcissistic named David Miscavige.

While these perceptions are utterly false, for indeed Scientology is the most ethical and sane group to appear on  this planet in the last 75,000,000 years, the more important set of alternate facts at work are these:

  • We as Scientologists have never been closer to making planetary clearing a reality
  • There has never been a better time to call yourself a Scientologist
  • Scientology is now 50% better than it was before GAT II

It is true. With the release of OTIX and OTX we are now very close to clearing the planet. And of course, as COB has stated, we need to make every Org and every Continent Ideal. We also need to shatter all suppression and blow all the stops to planetary clearing.

All of this costs money and so COB needs you to up your IAS status now. Accordingly, the Reverend Doctor Alfreddie Johnson is touring all of the Orgs to encourage Scientologists to up their IAS statuses. Up your status today and you will receive many special trophies, medals, and fancy gold lapel pins. These glistening prizes will, once again, surely make you proud to be a Scientologist.

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Masturbatory Activities in the Church of Scientology Must Cease!

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Dr. Frank Wonderman

“Enormous amounts of present time masturbatory activities prevent the Church of Scientology from attaining forward progress,” declared WDC Chairman Dr. Frank Wonderman.

“Instead of clearing the planet, public Scientologists are engaged in the chronic masturbatory activity of auditing — and yet auditing will never raise one’s IAS Patron Status!”

“Auditing is an aberrated 1st dynamic fixation — it is a ‘me me me’ computation — and is therefore criminal ripoff out exchange with the IAS. For this reason, we in the Exec Strata forbid Sea Org any auditing.”

“We in Management do not want Sea Org fixated with the same ‘me me me’ focus as pantywaist publics who hobbyhorse endlessly on their precious mocked up cases. Such indolence is a crime in the present environment in which Psych hammer blows rain down relentlessly upon COB and the body politic of the Church each day!”

“COB has emphatically stated as a technical fact that auditing will never open the door to terminatedly handling the great amounts of 4D suppression the Church  labors under daily. What will confront and shatter 4D suppression is increasing one’s IAS Patron status to the next highest level!”

“Scientologists must immediately cease their vast wholetrack masturbatory obsession with cracking their case or going up their Bridge. What COB wants and needs in PT is massive cash inflows to the IAS. Whereupon, my dear comrades, it becomes self-evident that real case gain, true case gain for eternity, lies in flowing power to COB RTC David Miscavige via the IAS.”

New Multipurpose IAS Status Trophy Announced

Big.Bob.DIAS Patron Immortalius Blovicon and pharmaceutical billionaire Dob Ruggin’s mansion was becoming overcrowded by his hundreds of IAS status trophies.

“I was practically tripping over the darned things!” chuckled Dob at a recent IAS event wherein he was awarded yet another IAS trophy.  “That’s when I told my IAS reg Charmaine that I needed a solution — and Charmaine and the IAS  came through for me!”

The new Multipurpose IAS Status Trophy is a handsome two meter tall (six feet) trophy that  features a programmable digital display which allows IAS Patrons to program the trophy to be any type of trophy they want and need.

And so it is that Dob Ruggin was recently meeting with a potential new investor who was a Championship Rescue Swimmer in college. Before their meeting, Dob Ruggin, who cannot swim, programmed his new Multipurpose IAS Status Trophy to read:

“DOB RUGGIN – CHAMPIONSHIP COLLEGE RESCUE SWIMMER”

“Why Dob,” exclaimed the potential new investor, “I had no idea you were a championship rescue swimmer in college! So was I! Let me shake your hand my fellow college championship rescue swimmer!”

Dob Ruggin smiled and beamed from ear to ear.

“Dob, where did you do your championship rescue swimming in college?” asked the potential new investor.

“I did my championship rescue swimming at Wellesley College,” replied Dob.

“But Wellesley College is a women’s college Dob!”

“Well, actually back then Wellesley College allowed me to do championship rescue swimming on its campus as my college did not have a rescue swimming program.”

Dob Ruggin

Dob Ruggin, College Championship Rescue Swimmer!

“Dob, what town was Wellesley College’s championship rescue swimming program located?

“West Brighton.”

“But swimming pools are outlawed in West Brighton.”

“I know. The program offices were located in West Brighton while the actual championship rescue swimming practice pool was located in Brighton.”

“Fascinating. Now, Dob, about the millions of dollars I want to invest with your company, will it be safe?

“Of course it will. I give you my word as a fellow college championship rescue swimmer!” And with that Dob Ruggin was “off to the races” on his next IAS status level!