The Golden Age of Ideal Tents!

An exciting new mega tent is arriving Flag!

While the shore story has been that the mega tent is designed to handle the massive overflow crowds that pack the Fort Harrison, the real story is far more exciting and can now be told.

In a sentence, we can say this: “COB cares and COB listens.”

IAS surveys over the past few years have consistently shown that a majority of Church of Scientology parishioners do not really want or need the Ideal Orgs. COB has listened to you and so the Ideal Orgs have been sold off to a wog real estate developer. All Flag buildings including the Flag building have also been sold to the same developer.

Ideal Tents will therefore, in the next few weeks, replace all of those brick and mortar Ideal Orgs that Scientologists aren’t really interested in after all. Whereupon, by way of COB terminatedly handling enemy lines, there are now no Ideal Orgs for Scientologists to form evil purposes about.

All of which is to say that, yes, there will be no more fundraising for Ideal Orgs. Sure, there will be some modest fundraising for Ideal Tents, but tents cost a pittance compared to those darned old Ideal Orgs that cost so much money. And even better, renting tents from ILO costs a fraction of the cost of what the Ideal Orgs did.

The Golden Age of Ideal Tents gives “delivery of standard tech” a whole new meaning. Which is to say that all services will now be delivered in tents so dress appropriately.

Church of Scientology tents will be going up in all kinds of new places, particularly as our parishioners sell off their homes in order to raise their IAS statuses.  Freed from MEST, Scientologists will take up a healthier form of living called tent camping.

Welcome to the future!

AOLA 2014: Welcome to the Future! You didn’t want Ideal Orgs
and so COB has given you what you wanted!

15 responses to “The Golden Age of Ideal Tents!

  1. OTVIII – Sarcasm and humor are useful tools when applied on stupid wogs (although they may sometimes be beyond their reach). More appropriate is when rendered on evil dirty apostates (think Rinder, Rathbun, Rimini).

    Scientology is not to be confused with the “Occupy” movement. Scientology (as defined by COB) is represented by fabulously ostentatious buildings. We are not some derelict bunch of smelly homeless people trying to remember where we left our brown paper sack, We have learned the importance of 20 year old scotch from COB, just as we have learned that it takes fancy new buildings filled with nothing more than lots of books, video screens and empty chairs to create the tidal wave that will clear the planet.

    Scientology’s most important and famous members will not stand for Ideal Tents. Al though this may be all the rage on some parts of the planet, North America will not stand for a Golden Age of Tents. A quick check with none other than Vice Admiral Cruise confirms this. When informed of RTC’s new plan for a Golden Age of Tents, Vice Admiral Cruise asked us if we were high, I mean asked us if we had been spending too much time reading the Deluxe Leather bound basics.

    Consider the Ideal Org Gas Stations are just starting to catch on. They require brick and mortar. Ideal Orgs (and their 24 hour gas stations) define Scientology, well that and the occasional bat shit crazy devotee, and the crazy hate filled rants of Kirstie Alley plus the occasional ecclesiastical beating…

    Put it this way…I’ll believe in a Golden Age of Tents when I see them first popping up in Hemet.

    Please step away from the Deluxe Leather Bound Basics and drop the bong.

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    • whostolemycog, while the rubric of Ideal Tents was admittedly an idle origination arising from COB’s intense personal study of the deluxe leatherbound Basics, COB nevertheless decided to run a whimsical “can’t have” on largely useless Church of Scientology parishioners.

      COB’s “Ideal Tents” stunt was yet another example of his dramatic leadership style, a style brilliantly showcased in COB’s now famous Musical Chairs at Int Base episode.

      The Ideal Tents ruse immediately produced the chilling effects COB desired:

      * Natter about Ideal Orgs down 2000% in twelve hours.

      * $5,000,000,000+ in Ideal Org donations in twelve hours as a show of support.

      * 15,863,920,116 e-mails in twelve hours begging COB to change his mind and not sell the Ideal Orgs.

      *1,755,129,864 OT’s chained themselves to our 71,928,671 Ideal Orgs. Their message: The wog real estate developer will only get our Ideal Orgs when they pry them out of our cold dead hands — this assuming there are not cans in our hands.

      COB ran a “can’t have” on Ideal Orgs and the response was so overwhelming: “Please COB, let us have our Ideal Orgs! We will do anything to keep these glittering Theta Palaces!”

      COB can now conclude that he has always been right and that the only people who oppose Ideal Orgs are squirrels, bitter defrocked apostates, and Psychs.

      Everyone loves COB and his Ideal Orgs!

      Thank you sir!

      Like

      • “Can’t Have”….simply brilliant….the results speak for themselves. COB again shows why he is the most stupendously supreme being on the planet!!

        We liked the self portrait of COB so much we’ve printed it out, framed it, and hung it in our office as a source for inspiration That’s the face of a big being (albeit, in a little man’s body) showing the crooked smile of another brilliant cognition.

        It speaks volumes for the importance of of consulting the Basics when seeking the kind of cognition that many would simply laugh at or jokingly degrade.

        Well done sir!!

        Like

  2. unitgxenusotherfist

    Methinks you have a doppleganger OTVIII…………. Not that that could ever be a bad thing, right? 😉

    Like

  3. Will this also usher in the Golden Age of Outhouses?? Or just the pretty nice afternoon of portapotties?

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  4. OT8, those tents are much nicer than the RPF you sent your wife and father to. As for AOLA 2014, I’m impressed with how many people you have–the orgs had been much emptier recently.

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  5. This will be handy when Scientology goes out of business and holds tent sales to liquidate their remaining assets!

    Like

  6. Will COB tell us about the use of duct tape in rolls, inches or miles?

    Like

  7. Is this what Hubbard meant by evil inTENTions?

    Like

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