Tag Archives: Leah Remini

Scientology on Lockdown as Hurricane Leah Approaches

Posted on August 15, 2017 | Leave a comment

Scientology is on lockdown as Hurricane Leah makes landfall tonight on A&E. Scientology and the Aftermath.

Scientology Leader Orders Global Disconnection on August 15, 2017

Posted on August 13, 2017 | 6 comments

“COB RTC has issued a global disconnection order for Tuesday August 15, 2017,” announced Church spokesman Mr. Ken Delusion. “All Scientologists globally are ordered to disconnect from WiFi, cable, satellite dishes and all types of antennae capable of receiving the television show Scientology and the Aftermath.

“Scientologists are further ordered to unplug and store all devices capable of receiving broadcast signal. This includes computers, cell phones, tablets, televisions, radios, and all electronic gizmos, doodads, gimcracks, gee gaws, thingamabobs, thingamajigs, whatchamacallits, gadgets, idiot boxes, or any other widgets or contraptions capable of conducting electrons and emitting sound or visio. This is a total ban on all electron-powered doohickeys. There is to be no cheating upon pain of death.”

“Any Scientologist caught watching Leah or even ‘sneaking a peek’ this coming Tuesday August 15th will be dealt with by use of ecclesiastical thumbscrews, the rack, and so forth and so on. As Marcellus Wallace said in Pulp Fiction, COB says to all Scientologists, ‘I’m going to go medieval on your ass!’ This is your last and final warning to not watch Scientology and the Aftermath!” Delusion darkly intoned after which he pronounced dire Black Scientology voodoo curses upon the Psychs, the ASC, Henry Kissinger, and a long list of other SP’s who bedevil Scientology and all that is holy.

6 Comments

Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!

Tagged A&E, church of scientology, Church spokesman, COB RTC David Miscavige, disconnection, Ken Delusion, Leah Remini, Mike Rinder, Scientology and the Aftermath

Church of Scientology Rushed to the Hospital Again! Prognosis is Dire!

Posted on August 6, 2017 | 3 comments

cos.HOSPIRAL
After hearing that the A&E show Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath won the TCA award for Outstanding Achievement in Reality Programming, the Church of Scientology collapsed on the pavement and was rushed to the hospital and placed in intensive care for heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and an anxiety attack.

“This is the second time in less than a month that the Church of Scientology has been rushed to the ER of the Hollywood Religious Hospital,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “The prognosis is grim. Initial tests by Dr. Metah Bolic show a dangerous and inoperable Miscavige tumor in Scientology’s brain.”

“As reported by Ellen Thompson, Scientologist Elisabeth Moss was able to flee from the auditorium when it was announced that Leah had won. Elisabeth went Type III and is being held in an Introspection Rundown at PAC Base. As you can imagine,” Delusion noted, “Leah’s victory is a huge third dynamic engram for Scientologists. After all, they donated $100,000,000 for Scientology Media Productions, a downstat Org that has zero product in over a year.”

Ellen.Fabulous

3 Comments

Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!

Tagged @EllenFabulous, church of scientology, Elisabeth Moss, Ellen Thompson, Hollywood religious hospital, Ken Delusion, Leah Remini, Mike Rinder, Scientology Media Productions

Fleet Admiral David Miscavige Orders Scientology Security Forces to Stand Down in Clearwater

Posted on February 23, 2017 | 6 comments

After an intense 48 hour manhunt and dragnet conducted by over 1,200 members of Scientology’s security forces, it has been determined that Tony Ortega was not in Clearwater. Nevertheless, the threat of his mere presence in Clearwater resulted in a DEFCON 5 red alert and the deployment of all available security forces. Following the stand down order, Scientologists may safely leave their panic rooms and return to their course rooms.

“Flag Land Base is safe once again thanks to valiant efforts Fleet Admiral David Miscavige to safeguard Scientology,” said Church spokesman Captain Ken Delusion, CO of the Parishioner Action Response Allied Network Operational International Agency (PARANOIA).

“PARANOIA is in constant action within Scientology,” emphasized Delusion. “It is a dangerous world out there and PARANOIA is, for the Scientologist, all that stands between danger and safety. For this reason, Scientologists must double and triple their IAS donations to keep Scientology’s PARANOIA fully funded. The OSA Staff at the Scientology PARANOIA control center tracks all SP’s 24/7/365 and is ready to launch a full scale response as happened over the weekend when a possible Ortega sighting was telephoned into the PARANOIA Crisis Center.”

6 Comments

Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!

Tagged Alex Gibney, church of scientology, Claire Headley, Crisis Center, David Miscavige, DEFCON, DEFCON ALERT, donate, donations, Flag Land Base, Fleet Admiral David Miscavige, IAS, International Association of Scientologists, Ken Delusion, Leah Remini, Marc Headley, Mike Rinder, Office of Special Affairs, OSA, Paranoia, parishioners, Scientology Paranoia, Tony Ortega

Billy on the Street – Escape from Scientology with Rachel Dratch

Posted on January 10, 2017 | 2 comments

2 Comments

Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!

Tagged billion year contract, Billy Eichner, Billy on the Street, church of scientology, Escape from Scientology, Freewinds, Leah Remini, Rachel Dratch, Sea Org

Scientology Policy Directive: Policy on Missing Persons

Posted on December 13, 2016 | 4 comments

Scientology Policy Directive
Policy on Missing Persons

It is a technical fact that a thetan, as himself, can never be missing. However, due to implants and amnesia on the wholetrack, a thetan can seem to be missing.

And so it happens that when a thetan seems to be missing that his or her family members or friends will have an aberrated computation that the police should be called.

It is HIGH CRIME to call the police on any Scientology Organizations.

It is a VERY HIGH SERIOUS CRIME to call the police if COB’s 2D has the apparency of being missing when she is theoretically locatable were COB to care enough to have his memory refreshed. However, busy as he is with the press of opening new Ideal Orgs and piloting OTIX-OTLXVIII for delivery aboard The Freewinds, COB does not care to be distracted from his global ecclesiastical duties with questions about his 2D that he does not care to answer.

To reiterate: A thetan is never missing. Therefore any complaints about missing persons are based upon a misunderstood about the nature of a thetan.

Furthermore, any person who makes a complaint that a Scientologist is missing does not understand the nature of the Third Dynamic. A Scientologist is a member of the group known as Scientology and Scientology can never be missing because it always existed for four quadrillion years. To say that a Scientologist is a missing person cannot be a true statement because Scientology is intrinsic to this universe and this universe is obviously not missing. The handling here is to have the complainant do a locational in which they go outside and spot things until they cognite that the universe is obviously not missing.

Once the complainant comes up to Present Time and realizes that the universe is not missing he or she will realize that thetans are also not missing and in fact are everywhere in abundance as the universe is based upon quantity. Indeed, the OT levels exist to awaken and handle thetans who think they are missing, sleeping, or, like COB’s 2D, appear to be unlocatable even by wog police officials whom we have paid to safepoint Scientology Organizations and COB.

Note: If the complainant does not come up to Present Time, drop their complaint, and still insists on calling the police then refer the matter to OSA Intel for Fair Game handling. OSA PR is to deny that Scientology practices Fair Game.

4 Comments

Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!

Tagged church of scientology, David Miscavige, Leah Remini, missing persons, Scientology Policy Directive, Shelly Miscavige

Emergency Order to all Scientologists from RTC!

Posted on November 29, 2016 | 4 comments

This evening all Scientologists are ordered to report to their Orgs to watch COB’s epic 1993 “The War is Over” event. Failure to report for mandatory viewing will result in an SP Declare. Warning: Any Scientologist caught watching Leah Remini’s A&E show will be beaten, declared, re-beaten, re-declared, overboarded, keelhauled, and may never receive any Scientology services for all of eternity + one billion years.

4 Comments

Posted in OTVIIIisGrrr8!

Tagged church of scientology, David Miscavige, Leah Remini

Tag Archives: Leah Remini

Scientology on Lockdown as Hurricane Leah Approaches

Scientology Leader Orders Global Disconnection on August 15, 2017

Church of Scientology Rushed to the Hospital Again! Prognosis is Dire!

Fleet Admiral David Miscavige Orders Scientology Security Forces to Stand Down in Clearwater

Billy on the Street – Escape from Scientology with Rachel Dratch

Scientology Policy Directive: Policy on Missing Persons

Emergency Order to all Scientologists from RTC!

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