The Caper in Cannes!

Sometimes we in the Church of Scientology have to take time off from the urgency of Planetary Clearing to handle some bare-knuckle business that, while not pretty, needs to be done for the greatest good of all concerned.

Such was the case recently when we were informed that the SP criminal  government of Cyprus was confiscating 47.5% of our considerable IAS and other cash reserves held in Cypriot banks. As the always astute John P. of Global Capitalism HQ commented, that was a big haircut.

We had to make up for the damage caused by the Psychopathic Cypriot Banker Attack.

We responded by sending in Sea Org Admiral Tom Cruise on what we are calling the Caper in Cannes.

Admiral Cruise acted in magnificent fashion in liberating some wog jewels in Cannes that were heavily insured. In other words, no one got hurt except for the very same bankers who own both the jewelers in Cannes and the banks in Cyprus that stole our money in the first place!

We’re still counting the haul.

COB has to calculate in the 25% fee demanded by OT Grant Cardone to move all of this ice.

We in RTC are putting the hooks to Grant to come down to a more reasonable 2.5% but Grant is pushing back and acting like this is a darned used car deal.

The nerve of this guy! The Church made him what he is and now he does this to COB!

8 responses to “The Caper in Cannes!

  1. COB really should build a Celebrity Centre RPF to get ethics in on ungrateful PTS cocksuckers like Grant Cardone.

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    • An outstanding and winning idea! COB does need some sort of pen, or enclosure, in which to incarcerate errant Church of Scientology celebrities. We’ll get right on it after Super Power is released and 190,000,000 people are on Solo NOTs.

      In the meantime, COB needs Kirstie Alley to keep chattering away like a crazed banshee on Twitter.

      Kirstie Alley needs to keep up the attacks on Leah Remini as they are working so well.

      Like a prize goat or mare, Kirstie is really helping the Church’s PR these days.

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      • Kirstie Alley appears inspired in her appearance by per chance a recent viewing of Battlefiel Earth…note the hair, facial expression, and features. Where is the cowbell bestowed upon her by COB?

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  2. unitgxenusotherfist

    Thanks for that picture OTVIII. Now I don’t want to eat for the next year or so, but that’s OK, because it means I can send all the money I would have otherwise spent on nourishing myself to COB to help make up all the funds he is about lose.

    On second thought, now I want a hamburger 😀 I just won’t look at that picture again. But I will save it for when I need to go on a diet. It’d put anyone’s appetite off.

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  3. OT8, Ortega wrote an article today implying that COB squirreled the tech back in 1995. Is he going to the RPF?

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  4. Hey, Grant Cardone is taking a big risk, fencing all that ice is going to be very risky business. It will take many Cocktails to make the eyes wide shut and produce the legend that is ‘show me the money’ jerry maguire. Just show him the color of money and he’ll make all the right moves.

    Grant just doesn’t want to move the reed slatkin berth at state pen.

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