Tag Archives: Mike Rinder

Scientology Leader Orders Global Disconnection on August 15, 2017

“COB RTC has issued a global disconnection order for Tuesday August 15, 2017,” announced Church spokesman Mr. Ken Delusion. “All Scientologists globally are ordered to disconnect from WiFi, cable, satellite dishes and all types of antennae capable of receiving the television show Scientology and the Aftermath. 

“Scientologists are further ordered to unplug and store all devices capable of receiving broadcast signal. This includes computers, cell phones, tablets, televisions, radios, and all electronic gizmos, doodads, gimcracks, gee gaws, thingamabobs, thingamajigs, whatchamacallits, gadgets, idiot boxes, or any other widgets or contraptions capable of conducting electrons and emitting sound or visio. This is a total ban on all electron-powered doohickeys. There is to be no cheating upon pain of death.”

“Any Scientologist caught watching Leah or even ‘sneaking a peek’ this coming Tuesday August 15th will be dealt with by use of ecclesiastical thumbscrews, the rack, and so forth and so on. As Marcellus Wallace said in Pulp Fiction, COB says to all Scientologists, ‘I’m going to go medieval on your ass!’ This is your last and final warning to not watch Scientology and the Aftermath!” Delusion darkly intoned after which he pronounced dire Black Scientology voodoo curses upon the Psychs, the ASC, Henry Kissinger, and a long list of other SP’s who bedevil Scientology and all that is holy.

Church of Scientology Rushed to the Hospital Again! Prognosis is Dire!

After hearing that the A&E show Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath won the TCA award for Outstanding Achievement in Reality Programming, the Church of Scientology collapsed on the pavement and was rushed to the hospital and placed in intensive care for heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and an anxiety attack.

“This is the second time in less than a month that the Church of Scientology has been rushed to the ER of the Hollywood Religious Hospital,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “The prognosis is grim. Initial tests by Dr. Metah Bolic show a dangerous and inoperable Miscavige tumor in Scientology’s brain.”

“As reported by Ellen Thompson, Scientologist Elisabeth Moss was able to flee from the auditorium when it was announced that Leah had won. Elisabeth went Type III and is being held in an Introspection Rundown at PAC Base. As you can imagine,” Delusion noted, “Leah’s victory is a huge third dynamic engram for Scientologists. After all, they donated $100,000,000 for Scientology Media Productions, a downstat Org that has zero product in over a year.”



Fleet Admiral David Miscavige Orders Scientology Security Forces to Stand Down in Clearwater


After an intense 48 hour manhunt and dragnet conducted by over 1,200 members of Scientology’s security forces, it has been determined that Tony Ortega was not in Clearwater. Nevertheless, the threat of his mere presence in Clearwater resulted in a DEFCON 5 red alert and the deployment of all available security forces. Following the stand down order, Scientologists may safely leave their panic rooms and return to their course rooms.

“Flag Land Base is safe once again thanks to valiant efforts Fleet Admiral David Miscavige to safeguard Scientology,” said Church spokesman Captain Ken Delusion, CO of the Parishioner Action Response Allied Network Operational International Agency (PARANOIA).

“PARANOIA is in constant action within Scientology,” emphasized Delusion. “It is a dangerous world out there and PARANOIA is, for the Scientologist, all that stands between danger and safety. For this reason, Scientologists must double and triple their IAS donations to keep Scientology’s PARANOIA fully funded. The OSA Staff at the Scientology PARANOIA control center tracks all SP’s 24/7/365 and is ready to launch a full scale response as happened over the weekend when a possible Ortega sighting was telephoned into the PARANOIA Crisis Center.”

We in Scientology Don’t Know Nuthin’

“We in the Choich ah Scientology don’t know nuthin’ bout no computer hacking.”

“We are upstandin’ citizens Senator.”

“It’s just by some weird coincidence that this gumshoe — and we never herda  this guy Saldarriaga — is hacking two guys who don’t like Scientology.”

“It’s just, ahhh, justa strange and unexplainable coincidence that this particular sitchu-achun would occur as it seems to have transpired.”

“Mr. Miscavige was outta town when it happened. He was real busy opening Ideal Orgs see. And with that we, as our twenty-two fancy wog attorneys have advised us Senator,  assert our Fifth Amendment rights.”


Fleet Admiral David Miscavige Declares Cosmic Emergency!


The Top Secret Scientology Galactic War Room

Speaking from deep within the Top Secret Scientology Galactic War Room  in Trementina, New Mexico, Fleet Admiral David Miscavige today declared a Cosmic Emergency.

“The menace posed to Scientology organizations by Alex Gibney and HBO threatens every man, woman, and child on this planet,” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

“The Freedom Magazine hit piece on Gibney and HBO miserably failed to connect,” Delusion bitterly lamented. “So much for the rocket scientists at OSA thinking that hired wog tabloid writers could confront and shatter SP’s! None of those overpaid wog writers has even once bothered to get themselves sec checked let alone do the Super Power Rundown! They are so wog! ”

“Fleet Admiral Miscavige’s expertly crafted and expensive fusillade of full-page ads in the New York Times and Los Angeles Times also failed to bring Gibney and HBO to their knees. Worse, the criminal Joking & Degrading seen online today reached a crisis level as wogs engaged in uproarious laughter at the expense of the Church Scientology.”

“The fate of the planet is at stake; joking cannot be allowed,” Delusion gravely intoned. “Therefore, Fleet Admiral Miscavige has ordered the RTC A Team to bypass OSA and attempt to shame and humiliate Gibney and HBO when they land at the airport.”

Scientology Shocker: COB’s Personal Communicator Conspired with Katie Holmes to Attack COB RTC David Miscavige


freedommagWith a legal case against COB circling the drain in Texas, how convenient is it that a bitter defrocked apostate “suddenly” produces a seeming treasure trove of incriminating text messages purportedly written by COB RTC David Miscavige?

This Freedom Magazine Special Report is being broadly disseminated in order to make all Scientology parishioners aware of the hidden and diabolical Psych campaign directed against COB RTC David Miscavige.

As legal evidence in the form of shocking text messages makes clear, COB RTC David Miscavige’s personal communicator Laurisse Henley-Smith Stuckenbrock aka “Lou” is the hidden SP on COB’s lines.

freedom-magazine-the-posse-of-lunaticsLou is the “who” behind the Tsunami of Psych attacks on COB that have raged unchecked for years — even after Mr. Miscavige purged the Kingpin and his posse of lunatics.

What the evidence will show — and what COB’s attorneys will argue in court — is that Stuckenbrock is an old Guardian’s Office rogue who used her position of trust to hijack COB’s blackberry unit.

Having covertly seized COB’s unit,  Stuckenbrock then conducted a nefarious “texting campaign of terror” in order to make it appear that COB ran the daily operations of the Church.

Stuckenbrock’s accomplice, it has been learned, was a former and obscure Church member named Katie Holmes — a woman who only pretended to be a Scientologist.


L1Left: As this OSA Intel photo makes clear, Stuckenbrock and Holmes were secretly working together as early as 2006.

Holmes is seen in the photo covertly reporting to Psych Central while Stuckenbrock works to ensure that COB and his guest remain distracted.

This is a classic con job that uses distraction and race cars.

Holmes and Stuckenbrock were ordered by their masters at Psych Central to secretly undermine and sabotage Mr. Miscavige’s efforts in an attempt to prevent the Basics, the Ideal Orgs, GAT II, and other vitally needed planetary-changing programs  from going forward.

L2The real “smoking gun” evidence, however, comes in  another OSA photo where we see COB’s attention on the motorsport event. This is where the criminal Stuckenbrock makes her move.

Right: Stuckenbrock reaches into COB’s pocket to perform a deft “snatch and grab” of COB’s blackberry.



blackberry-bold-980x1452Having procured COB’s blackberry, Stuckenbrock then used it to conduct a criminal operation without COB’s knowledge. This “Crim Op” was designed from the very start to make it appear that COB RTC David Miscavige runs the daily affairs of the Church. This is not true.

We in RTC want Scientology parishioners to know and understand that this campaign against COB has been discovered and is now being broadly exposed as another Psych-funded attack.

Whatever you may read about this campaign in the days and weeks ahead in the wog media will all be a series of lies, distortions, and smears directed against the heroic Mr. David Miscavige and the Church of Scientology.

Factually, Church parishioners and loyal IAS members can only rely upon what is published on the pages of this blog if they want TRUTH. Please donate as much as possible to the IAS right now in order to fight this attack against TRUTH.