Celebrity Centre: CO Dave Petit and Toilet Tech

Dave.PetitAs Commanding Officer of Celebrity Centre International (CO CCI), Mr. Dave Petit has enormous responsibilities.

It goes without saying that Mr. Petit does not have even 1/1000th of the responsibilities of COB RTC David Miscavige, but nevertheless running CCI is a big job. It is not easy keeping a bunch of dilettantish Scientology celebrities happy — especially when many of these people are drug revert cases, sexual perverts, or are looking at the internet.

It is therefore no surprise that Dave Petit has to take stern measures to keep Ethics in on CCI.

Tough.LoveOne of Mr. Petit’s Dave’s most stern Ethics measure is to have his henchmen grab an errant Sea Org member, shove their head into a toilet, and then flush it a few times.

This is like CIA waterboarding terrorists except feces and very harmful bacteria are present in a toilet bowl.

In her SP case against COB, former CO FSO Debbie Cook stated that Sea Org members can also be made to lick bathroom floors. This is hard to confront, but harsh Ethics are needed on this savage planet.

Because Dave Petit cares so very much in the same way COB RTC David Miscavige cares, Mr. Petit rules Celebrity Centre with an iron fist — and if this means a few heads of troublemakers get shoved into toilets then so be it!

This is for the greatest good.

Mr. Petit also believes in other forms of correction and this is why he will sometimes take young men like Fraser Kee Scott into his office for a private closed-door meeting that last about twenty minutes, give or take a few.

We in the Sea Org are charged with putting in Ethics in on this miserable wog planet.We cannot let the Psychs win. If this means Fair Game, Disconnection, a head on a pike, or a head in the toilet then that is the cost of Freedom.


"The whole agonized future of this planet, every man, woman 
and child on it, and your own destiny for the next endless 
trillions of years depend on what you do here
and now with and in Scientology.

"This is a deadly serious activity. And if we miss getting out 
of the trap now, we may never again have another chance... 
Don't muff it now because it seems unpleasant or unsocial...."

12 replies »

  1. Typical Hubbard. Stole a practice that has been a mainstay of life at college fraternities and turned it into a “tech.” In college, it’s called a “swirly” or a “swirl shampoo.” And the recipient earns one for some behavior. No money changes hands. But Hubbard saw the opportunity and went with it. Now, Scientology charges the recipient $1,500 per gallon for “toilet tech,” or $2,500 per gallon when done at Flag by a Class LXVIII Fecal Auditing Specialist. Nice marketing job.


    • We in RTC are experts at turning dangerous and non-remunerative wog hazing rituals into very lucrative, sacred, and protected religious activities. Part of the Golden Age of Tech Phase II will include our high tech version of the “Atomic Wedgie” for which our parishioners will pay us $75,000 per go!

      COB’s latest breakthrough is his new, exclusive, and universally patented Female Anti-Internet Ligature. A most useful device for keeping gossipy women offline, over 100,000 Christian pastors and Islamic mullahs have offered COB great sums of money for licensing rights in their respective religious jurisdictions. COB says that this baby should bring in more cash than the L’s!


  2. Even though this is satire, I want it known that I have separate corroborated information on dunking staff member heads in a toilet bowl is an ongoing “Celebrity Center” punishment.
    This folks, is the “Church” of Scientology


  3. It brings tears to my eyes to think of how COB and execs like Dave Petit care so much that they’ll do anything to ensure we all go free – even breaking silly wog laws forbidding torture, human trafficking and forced child labor. If a few degraded beings end up eating a turd while being audited on the toilet rundown then that’s a small price to pay for planetary clearing.


    • scientology411 has hereby been promoted to “Stellar Scientologist” or “SS.” You sir/maam have flushed reasonableness down the toilet along with the heads of those idiot wogs and namby-pamby celebs who offer nothing good to Scientology except their wallets.


      • And furthermore….you are your way to reaching the elite status of “Gestapo Ad-hominem Scientologist” or “GAS.” Few people actually know the word Gestapo comes from the pig latin “get stops off”. Once you reach the elite status of GAS, your job is to sniff out the wogs, trolls, downstat celebs and DB’s who have foul thoughts! We can not allow these losers to stink up the place


  4. So, the ‘swirly’, beloved college prank has been taken over by the CO$. What’s next, the indian rope burn? The wet willy? I shall not stand by and let 3rd grade behavior modification tech be taken over by Lrooons goons. Stan and Kyle will back me up in South Park.


    • Recently stopped by Flag and was treated to the “Purple Nurple” rundown. Major wins and cognitions for under $20k. Probably a good idea to remove any jewelry first. Indian Rope burn will be incorporated into Super Power is the word on the street. GAT-II is the real deal.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.