COB RTC David Miscavige is Missing! Part 6


COB RTC David Miscavige awoke from a great dream about visiting North Korea where he was hailed as an international hero. He had an incredible headache. Knowing the cure, he pulled out his flask and drank more premium scotch and then shoved a big wad of chewing tobacco between his cheek and gum.

His leathery lungs still strong from decades of screaming at people all day long and making marathon four hour speeches on international Scientology expansion and obliterating Psychiatry, he bellowed once again for help. However, trapped as he was in the air duct, no one could hear him.

Fortified by liquor and nicotine, COB decided to venture on in search of an escape. He collected his mink coat and monogrammed sterling silver flagon of scotch and proceeded to burrow through the fiberglass-choked air duct.



“Sir, Honda Accord at 4 o’clock! We have a definite hit on COB’s locator beacon!” exclaimed one of the PI’s in the backseat to Scientology attorney Rick Moxon.

Moxon dipped the wing of Viper 1 to take a look. Sure enough there was a gray Honda Accord speeding southbound in the carpool lane of the 101.

Moxon smiled smugly knowing he had his man.

Not wanting to call the California Highway Patrol and involve useless homo saps in a Church matter, Moxon decided to tail the Honda Accord until it stopped.

The beauty of Viper 1 is that it is a flying car. Moxon could therefore land wherever the Accord stopped and take COB into Sea Org custody. Indeed, fully 70% of blown Sea Org members were captured by Viper 1 or one of its six sister ships that formed the RTC Viper fleet.


David Miscavige came to a t-junction in the air conditioning duct. To his right was an inky blackness as dark as his soul.  To his left  was a warm and welcoming light that beckoned him to freedom.

Taking the left hand path, David Miscavige inched his way towards the light through the choking river of blue fiberglass.


Viper 1 had been following the speeding gray Honda Accord south for almost two hours. The Accord had taken the 101 to the Interstate 5 southbound and continued on past Mission Viejo in south Orange County.

The Honda Accord sped up to 90 miles per hour as it raced past San Clemente.

Ken Moxon jammed the throttle forward on Viper 1 to keep up with the Accord. The flying car shuddered and strained as it accelerated towards its top speed of 97 miles per hour.

It was now apparent to Rick Moxon that blown Sea Org member David Miscavige was making a break for the Mexican border. From Mexico, Miscavige would be able to use his assets to flee to one of his secret lairs down in the islands.

Moxon could not allow Miscavige to escape!


Both the FAA and military radars had been tracking Viper 1 as it headed at low altitude towards the restricted air space of Camp Pendleton, the sprawling Marine Corps base on the edge of the Pacific Ocean.

The FAA control center in Orange County repeatedly radioed Viper 1 on all aircraft frequencies and ordered it to execute a 180 degree turn. However,  Moxon had turned his radio to Tac 99,  the OSA private radio channel.

When it became evident that the Viper 1 would violate military air space, the Commander of Camp Pendleton ordered four Apache gunships aloft to intercept.


As the RTC flying car entered restricted airspace it was immediately intercepted by the Apaches.

Quickly boxing in Viper 1, the Apache squadron leader radioed his squadron and said, “Damn! Look at that stupid ass thing. It’s a flying car with four people inside! What kind of nutjobs do we have here?” The Apache pilots laughed at the ugly yellow RTC flying machine. Nevertheless, they pulled in close as the flying car could be full of terrorists.

The squadron leader pulled abreast of Moxon and pointed down, this to order the RTC flying car to follow the helicopters and land or face the consequences.

The prop wash from the powerful turbine-driven Apaches violently buffeted Viper 1. Realizing the seriousness of the situation, Rick Moxon kicked the rudder and banked the flying car a few hundred feet over the Pacific whereupon he ordered the PI’s to roll down the windows and jettison the secret OSA codebooks into the ocean. This was an OSA standing order in the event of imminent enemy capture.

One of Apaches fired warning shots across the front of Viper 1.

The PI’s refused to obey Moxon’s orders and yelled at him to follow the Apaches and land. Moxon relented and steered Viper 1 back over land and waved to the Apaches that he would follow.

Moxon knew that the OSA codebooks would be captured and turned over to the Psychs.

11 replies »

  1. Moxon knew that the OSA codebooks would be captured and turned over to the Psychs.

    Oh, come on! You in RTC have said on countless occasions that the psychs were responsible for turning the Nazi party from a nice drinking club into the force of evil that they became at the start of WWII. And since the Nazis invented the Enigma coding system, the psychs had access to one of the first successful machine-based encryption technologies in the world.

    Naturally, the psychs have continued to forge ahead with enormous advances in encryption technology in the last 80 years, and we in Global Capitalism HQ have helped them — since all the big pharma companies are in one of our operating subsidiaries, and all those military contractors are in another, we long ago put them in touch with each other and set up a mutual aid pact of sorts. Deal guys call that “synergy.” It means we make a lot more money, which makes us happy. So it’s a tad naive to think that the psychs don’t already have your little OSA code book. Our cryptanalysis companies chuckle when we read your super-secret Incomm telex messages. So don’t worry about your lost codebook.


    • Actually, psychs have infiltrated Scientology. Haven’t you noticed that all the new orgs are near hospitals? The psychs have all the cult’s secrets, and have squirreled the tech.


    • But Freedom Magazine long ago conclusively proved that Psychs did turn the Nazis into Nazis! Just look at how a German beer drinking club called the Brownshirts was purged like the GO, err, purged like a bunch of transcription errors.

      As far as OSA’s codebook, it is as unbreakable as Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety. The OSA Code uses invisble inks, requires a special monocle to read, and relies on archaic typewriters all examples of which we in RTC own.


      • But OT8, there is an implant in your brain. We can read your thoughts.

        OT8, I’m writing a book about Scientology celebrities, entitled “Going Queer.”


  2. “As far as OSA’s codebook, it is as unbreakable as Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety.” And no doubt as strong as COB’s long standing demonstrated resolve to treat each and every SO member with respect and dignity despite COB’s having to wear every single hat in Co$..


  3. It’s interesting that Davey is going to Mexico–that’s where Debbie Cook is. Debbie would love to convince Davey to join the Indie movement. She may also want to sue Davey for a variety of torts, so maybe she will welcome him with a summons and complaint.


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