— TO BE READ ALOUD TO THE ILLEGALLY ASSEMBLED SP TORONTO CONFERENCE BY A DESIGNATED SP AUTHORITY— We in RTC have declared the SP Toronto Conference, or conclave, or whatever it is […]
Masturbatory Activities in the Church of Scientology Must Cease!
“Enormous amounts of present time masturbatory activities prevent the Church of Scientology from attaining forward progress,” declared WDC Chairman Dr. Frank Wonderman. “Instead of clearing the planet, public Scientologists are engaged in […]
Secret RTC Briefing: Evil Billionaire Funding Tony Ortega
SECRET RTC BRIEFING – DO NOT POST ON THE INTERNET We in RTC have learned that an evil billionaire is funding Tony Ortega and his new book The Unbreakable Miss Lovely. Although […]
Welcome to the Church of Scientology – Indoctrination for New Members
Welcome to the Church of Scientology. You have made a very wise decision to improve yourself through the use of our highly effective spiritual technology. An exciting spiritual adventure awaits. Our copyrighted […]
Vatican Selects Starbucks as the Official Coffee Kiosk of St. Peters
In global ecclesiastical news today, Vatican spokesman Bishop. M. Plant announced that Starbucks has been selected at the official coffee kiosk of St. Peters. “The new Starbucks is now open in the […]
Massive Stat Crash at Flag Land Base Threatens the Very Survival of Our Planet!
” An inky black darkness has descended upon the Flag Land Base,” declared Comrade Dr. Frank Wonderman, CO INT STAT CRASH INVESTIGATIONS UNIT. “My initial investigation has revealed that fully 84% of […]
RTC Survey Shows 64X Increase in “Happiness Units” in the Church of Scientology!
Recent surveys conducted by we in RTC have shown a 64X increase in Happiness in the Church of Scientology. “Increased happiness is not an accident,” said WDC Chairman Holotta Delusion. “Increased happiness […]
Scientology Gothic
We in the Church of Scientology are calling for an end to the madness of the internet and its incessant attacks upon religion, decency, and morality. We in Scientology long for a […]
The Tech Is Now 100% On-Source For the First Time!
OSA DICK
OSA Director of Internet Combat Killers (OSA DICK) Dr. Werner Von Strudeldorf sat at his desk and concluded his analysis of the latest datums. “There is no doubt about it,” Von Strudeldorf […]
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 