“The new Egress Rundown is the ultimate recovery of lost tech that puts you in charge of your eternity!” gushed Flag spokesman Ken Delusion.” “Fully ninety-dimensional and epic, the Egress Rundown is […]
Statcrash in the Cathedral
“Flag Land Base has gone criminal!” declared Senior International Ecclesiastical Sec Checker and Interim IJC Captain Davis Jackinov. “Fleet Admiral Miscavige entrusted Flag to forward command intention with our new 21st century […]
Why Scientology Costs So Much Money
“We in the Church of Scientology wish to point out that planets don’t clear themselves,” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Clearing costs money as do Ideal Orgs, dissemination centers, hyperbaric implanting chambers, […]
New and Easier “Sec Checks Lite” Feature 50% Less Brutality!
“Captain David Miscavige is inviting you to drop by your nearest Ideal Org to experience the new Sec Check Lite!” enthused Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Designed by RTC to handle your crimes […]
COB RTC David Miscavige Finds the Lost Tech of Arbitration!
In an ecclesiastical miracle for the ages, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has just found the LOST TECH OF ARBITRATION. Written by the Founder in 1982, this lost tech proves that arbitration […]
This Is a Test of the SP Broadcasting System
There is nothing wrong with your internets. This is only a test of the SP Broadcasting System. Do not attempt to adjust the entheta. We are controlling transmission. If we wish […]
OT Success Story
OT SUCCESS STORY “One day I was accused of beating numerous members of an unincorporated religious order. “However, this couldn’t possibly be true because this religious order doesn’t legally exist and therefore […]
Church of Scientology — Free Personality Test!
North Korea Celebrates Humanitarian David Miscavige
North Korea declared today “Humanitarian David Miscavige Day.” An award ceremony was held at the Holiday Inn in Pyongyang. Goat meat, potatoes, powdered milk, rice, and healthful Russian vodka was served. Humanitarian […]
NBC News Anchor Brian Williams Turns to the Church of Scientology for Crisis PR Help
Embattled NBC news anchor Brian Williams has turned to the Church of Scientology for help. Williams knows that Scientology’s proven ability to handle crisis PR is vital if he is to save […]
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 