RTC Survey Shows 64X Increase in “Happiness Units” in the Church of Scientology!

1CSSPYRecent surveys conducted by we in RTC have shown a 64X increase in Happiness in the Church of Scientology.

“Increased happiness is not an accident,” said WDC Chairman Holotta Delusion.

“Increased happiness is a function of COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige finally getting in 100% ON SOURCE Tech for the first time ever.”

“And as the Thetan increases his or her happiness units by 64x,” remarked Delusion, “there follows an overall willingness to increase one’s IAS Patron status to the next highest level.”

“And so by way of making a fully embracive acknowledgement to COB for finally getting in 100% ON SOURCE Tech, COB is asking Scientologists to upgrade to their next highest IAS status.”


COB: “Is it hot in here or is it just me? Seriously, it’s hot in here. And I feel like insects are crawling all over my skin. I think I picked the wrong decade to give up the booze. Better wait ’til 2022 or some other time.”

When asked to comment, COB replied, “The Founder thought so little of Scientologists that he aimed low and wanted only 5.4% expansion — and that’s all he ever got.”

“Well, I need, want, and get more than the Founder ever did.”

“I want my game to be about 64X’ing your IAS status every three months. That kind of IAS expansion is our only guarantee of keeping the Tech 100% standard.”

18 replies »

  1. I admit it. I’m a sucker for Scientology math. Sign me up! I wants me some Happiness units and ice cream cones.


  2. We hate to point out the obvious, but the only way the math supports the reality in this 64x equation business is when x=0.


  3. It’s just Dub-In Case

    This guy is manufacturing incidents and saying they’re real.



  4. As a 25 year serving Sea Org member that put my guts on the floor for the 5.4x birthday game year after year I find this posting quite offensive. 64x?


  5. Is it true that kids are full if aggressive thetans and is one of COB’s biggest fear to be close to a little kid?


  6. I know for a fact that Hubbard stated that the lower a person is on The Tone Scale, the more he will be willing to donate. Likewise, the higher a person is on The Tone Scale, the less he will be willing to donate.

    Once again it seems, Hubbard got it all wrong. Likewise it would appear that COB got it all right.


  7. “What’s true for you is what we say is true. And when you’ve forgotten that you’re about to lose everything. And to have the courage and strength to say what we want you to say is everything”


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