Secret RTC Briefing: Evil Billionaire Funding Tony Ortega


3D-Unbreakable-e1431277607923We in RTC have learned that an evil billionaire is funding Tony Ortega and his new book The Unbreakable Miss Lovely.

Although Fleet Admiral David Miscavige has nothing whatsoever with running the daily affairs of CSI, he recently ran into CO OSA Linda Hamel at the water cooler and suggested to her that it would be splendid if OSA located the anonymous billionaire.

In happier news, Fleet Admiral David Miscavige’s new portrait now proudly hangs in the Exalted Golden IAS Patron’s Pavilion in the Great Hall of Exact Data. This portrait is has been described by important international art critics as having “a pleasing and exceptionally high aesthetic wavelength that communicates fully the nature and essence of Fleet Admiral Miscavige’s singular and Herculean labors whereby, and through the work of his own hands alone as none could equal his endurance, he has wrought 928,754 new Ideal Orgs located at the epicenters of civilizations scattered across nineteen continents in the 15,901 countries of the world.”

12 replies »

  1. According to Forbes, as at May 2, 2015, there are only 1,826 billionaires in the world, so by a simple process of elimination it would be easy to find the counter-intentioned scoundrel trying to destroy the Scientology religion and besmirch the good name of L Ron Haddock, the great humanitarian.

    As well, once the suppressive billionaire is identified then the remaining 1,825 could be given free copies of ‘The Way to Happiness’ and shown the advantages of becoming IAS members and the handsome trophies they would receive whenever they increased their status level.



  2. I don’t mean to be rude here or overstep my inadequacy as a mere public Scientologist, but I have a suggestion for the nice folks at OSA. I just listened to RJ ’67 (once again, it is so inspiring) and I think the answer to WHO this billionaire is may be lurking right in those venerable words. You see, LRH says that Mary Sue did her due diligence and hired some folks to do a little investigation way back then and she came up with a list of a dozen or so World Bankers who were behind every betrayal of Mankind’s only hope for salvation. If someone could go through the files and find that list, I just bet the the scoundrel (or the scoundrel’s heirs) will be found. Once this miscreant is exposed, no more big bucks for Mr. Tony ‘Overt’ Ortega. Maybe he will just have to go back to work as a journalist (just about the lowest of the lowly “professions”). Of course, once this illicit billionaire is exposed Ortega won’t even have work as a journalist because the planet will be so theta he will have absolutely nothing to write about. We will be living in a world without crime, war, insanity, etc. and all those other things that merchants of chaos thrive on. Freedom magazine is really the only place one needs to go for news anyway. Right?


    • Frau Junge of the RTC Women’s Technical Training Corps is only too aware of this fact. We have our suspicions about Frau Junge and yet she is so very highly effective in training new interrogators sec checkers for Herr Fleet Admiral Miscavige.


  3. I just wanted to point out, helpfully, that I am not the billionaire SP fronting money for SP’s like Tony Ortega and Paulette Cooper to spew such vile filth about Intergalactic Fleet Admiral David Miscavige, “the hardest workin’ man in the religion business(tm).” In my humble opinion, they hardly need additional investment, since they appear to be taking the chainsaw to you in RTC on the cheap.

    Now you’re down to only 1,825 billionaires to apprehend and send through multiple waves of what will soon after be called “Warren Buffett sec checks,” a protocol so rigorous that the previously most horrifying “Joburg sec checks” will henceforth be called “pantywaist pillow talk.”

    There are a couple of billionaires at Global Capitalism HQ and at other firms that I don’t like. I vaguely suspect that one of them might be your SP. At the very least, I would really enjoy seeing them dragged in to one of your facilities and hooked up to the “cans.” If I gave you their names, perhaps your removing them from the investment battleground would be my first-ever “win” via auditing.


    • OSA has a secular business side called WISE. OSA-trained WISE business consultants are very ruthless and efficient in using the Tech to permanently eliminate your competitors. While WISE consulting fees are quite steep, what value can you put on having your competitors overboarded from the bow of the MV Freewinds in a weighted sack made of squid? Exteriorizaiton in shark-infested international waters is fairly instantaneous. The sharks seem to prefer the BBQ-flavored squid to the jalapeno-flavored squid.


  4. Mystery solved! Bob Duggan is the billionaire supporting Tony Ortega. When I spoke with Bob, I asked straight out: “Are you the one supporting Tony Ortega?” His response: ” You’re damn right! I’ve been a big fan of his all the way back to when he was with Dawn. ‘Tie A Yellow Ribbon’ is my all-time favorite song. His variety show was the best thing on TV, period. He’s still an entertainment god in South Africa, Guatemala and more Indian casinos than you can shake a stick at. I still get a tear in my eye when ever he dedicates a song to his close friend Freddie Prinze.”
    I then asked Bob if had read Tony’s new book ‘The Unbreakable Miss Lovely’ and he responded: “No, I haven’t, but I always knew he would get around to writing a kiss and tell book about Dawn. I figured those three had some wild times back then. Who needs Viagra with stories like that?”
    I didn’t have the heart to tell him, especially on a Friday. There’s some real OT powers hard at work.


    • Bob Duggan once called COB “Don Miscovich.” COB wanted to knock Bob to the Moon! But the money! COB showed restraint; this quite unlike the time he drove a fork through a guy’s hand.


  5. My Dynamics are seriously disturbed by this news. But I know my Elders wouldn’t lie to me. I need one Cosmic hell of an audit ;((((((((((((((((


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.