— TO BE READ ALOUD TO THE ILLEGALLY ASSEMBLED SP TORONTO CONFERENCE BY A DESIGNATED SP AUTHORITY—
We in RTC have declared the SP Toronto Conference, or conclave, or whatever it is you people are calling your meeting, an illegal criminal assembly.
Actual investigation has determined the gathering to be awash in criminals, Suppressive Persons, bitter defrocked apostates, jokers and degraders, agents of Big Pharma, Marcabs, Helotrobes, Venutian freight locomotive operators, squirrels, communists, troublemakers, freethinkers, Trotskyite wreckers, diversionaries, saboteurs, and shadowy agents from the nebulous fringes of the internet.
To prevent this contagion of aberration from spreading and infecting the body politic of the Church, Scientologists in good standing are forbidden to travel anywhere near Canada. All 5,000,000 Scientologists living in Canada are hereby ordered to immediately evacuate south to the emergency nuclear proof vaults in Trementina, New Mexico.
Having no choice but to confront and shatter suppression in Toronto, the Church of Scientology has imposed an immediate economic blockade of Toronto. Regrettably, then, and due to the criminal activity of those illegally assembled in Toronto, the Church of Scientology has ceased shipments of e-meters into the region.
We realize depriving Toronto of e-meters is a draconian measure that will punish all Torontonians for the crimes of a few, but we in RTC must make Toronto suffer the harsh reality of an e-meterless existence to underscore the severity of allowing SP’s to openly gather in Toronto.
In an act of extreme ecclesiastical mercy, however, Fleet Admiral David Miscavige six weeks ago secretly ordered the MV Freewinds to sail up the St. Lawrence River to Lake Ontario. At 2200 hours local time on Wednesday, therefore, the MV Freewinds will be docked in Toronto right next to the Jack Layton Ferry Terminal.
All SP’s wishing clemency from the wrath Fleet Admiral Miscavige and the Church are to report to the MV Freewinds and surrender themselves to OSA.
Your parking will be validated.
Those who surrender themselves will be routed onto the SP Toronto Conference Truth Rundown (SPTCTR) where they will write up their crimes, withholds, and overts. Furthermore, these persons must turn in all of their contacts, hard drives, and other electronic media to OSA.
This is the only way to prevent spending lifetime after lifetime alone and in the dark.
Whilst it might seem harsh to make all Canadians suffer the extreme hardship of the economic blockade of e-meters, sometimes you have to destroy the town to save it, as an American army Major once remarked, echoing the humanitarian ethics of the Scientology religion.
Some might say that these footpads and ruffians in Toronto pose little threat to the inevitability of planetary clearance as they are no doubt spending all their time eating poutine and smearing each other in maple syrup, but clearly a stern example must be set to avoid any repetition of this heinous and dastardly event.
Truer words were never written Captain Robertson. Moreover, it could get much worse for those in Toronto if the civil authorities there do not immediately take up truncheons, tear gas, and riot police to disband this illegal criminal assembly.
Phase Two of the economic blockade calls for Narconon Toronto to be closed down. This action alone will plunge Toronto even deeper into the drug haze that currently envelopes the town like smog on a hot day in Beijing.
And so yes, if Toronto is destroyed in order to save the Planet, why then, as Fleet Admiral Miscavige likes to say, “Let them die.”
Oh No! Closing down Narconon Toronto would be like when they shut down the “storage facility” in Ghostbusters!
Mayhem of biblical proportion will ensure.
If it is the will of COB, then we shall see it DONE.
Brilliant! what a strategy!
“bitter defrocked apostates, jokers and degraders, agents of Big Pharma, Marcabs, Helotrobes, Venutian freight locomotive operators, squirrels, communists, troublemakers, freethinkers, Trotskyite wreckers, ”
Sorry for breaking your fourth wall but, I can’t stop cackling at this paragraph and now this whole (Teegeeack-based) train carriage seems to be staring at me. Thank you.
Harsh measures, but the mercy of Pope David (first of his name) is of course what shines through, lighting the world in its darkness like a summer day in Alaska.
Pope David is a strategic genius, planning for the salvation of these criminals by secretly steaming the MV Breakwinds for Toronto in order to offer them a new rundown. He mercifully displays his talent for staying focused and laboring on amidst the psych infested insanity we have witnessed in 2015.
After ministering to the criminals, Pope David will hold an open air mass for all the good people of Toronto. They are encouraged to show their appreciation in a manner allowing them to raise their status with the church and its affiliates. In the famous words of Pope David, “Let us bow our heads and pay homage to cash and the IAS…Amen”.
Just a small correction, whostolemycog. It’s Pope David Excalibur I (TM).
Special Emergency Notice For BIG BEINGS ONLY!
I just got off the phone with an associate who lives in Toronto. All I can say is send the IAS money right now!!! Don’t wait, Big Beings move at the speed of NOW! If you’re reading this you’re a BIG Being right? One who won’t hesitate to send all the money you have and take out that 3rd or 4th mortgage on your house. Big being’s can change the truth to fit now, remember that when you’re talking to the loan officer at the bank two towns over. You know the one who doesn’t already know a Big Being when he sees one. After all who’s the greater good David’s IAS or the SP Banks! Big Beings are always able to RISE to any occasion. The sickness and accidents that are being caused by this many major SPs in one area is overwhelming the DB loving Free Health Care System in Canada, Not that medicine which barely works even in optimal conditions stands a chance when in golfed in such a thick FOG of Suppression. Here are the stats as verified by our field operatives but suppressed by the Psych controlled media! Colds are up 912x, Car accidents 34.2x, Jaywalking 45x, homosexual excursions 6x, general malcontentness 3234x. And that’s just what our agents could find before being kicked out and charged with B&E by the bigots in the police force! But most grievous of all is that thought crimes against David Miscavige, IAS, CoS and LRH are at record levels in Toronto. And as you know these thought crimes, however accidental, require several extra intensives of Sec-Checking. So really by sending the IAS money right now your saving Toronto’s Future Scientologists money which they will in turn send to the IAS. Truly a win-win for all current and future Big Beings! Remember there is only one Humanitarian group that can save people from pestilence of this unprecedented magnitude and that is the IAS! But as you know sending millions of IAS volunteers who pay their own way isn’t free. It requires Big Bucks from Big Beings like YOU, BUCKO! COO-COO-CA-CHOO!
OT8, what do you want them all to do? Go to the already overcrowded Toronto org?
Five million in Canada? Perhaps ten years ago spokesmen for Scientology claimed 100,000 in Canada in the Globe and Mail newspaper. A few months later they claimed 200,000 on Global news. The Canadian Census, now ten years old, claimed that there were 2,510. I guess their membership drives have been working.