Unfairly persecuted and attacked for being greedy and soul-destroying cults that protect sexual predators and are led by insane and vicious leaders, the Church of Scientology and the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society today merged to become the Watchtower Bible & Scientology Society.

“The goal of the WB&SS is to serve as the Herald of Ron’s Presence,” said Ken Delusion, a member of the new Governing Body. “We of the WB&SS also seek to destroy our enemies from off the face of the Earth.”

“As for the 144,000 chosen who will enter the Heavenly Org, we of the Governing Body have received a divine revelation that only WB&SS Archangel Patrons who have donated at least $10,000,000 will enter Heaven as members of the Elect OT Overseers.  Everyone else will receive the honor of serving the Elect.”