The Scientology E-Metermobile Is Coming to Your City!


“The Church of Scientology E-Metermobile is coming to your city soon!” enthused Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Captain Miscavige and OT Tom Cruise will kickoff the 200 city E-Metermobile Scientology Goodwill Ambassador tour in Clearwater, Florida this weekend!  The two most dedicated Scientologists on the planet will be visiting county fairs, malls, parks, and other venues as Scientology Goodwill Ambassadors!”

“Our newest OTVIII Kirstie Alley, who just returned from the ship, is kicking off the action in Los Angeles at PAC Base! Be there to hear about Kirstie’s wins on OTVIII and help yourself to the free pizza, music, and even a 1960’s-style Watusi dance contest!”


“OT John Travolta and his lovely 2D OT Kelly Preston will launch the E-Metermobile tour from the Ideal Org in New York City. Be sure to be there for the free pizza and the Jive Aces concert!”


“The message these Scientology Goodwill Ambassadors are spreading is simple: ‘Don’t believe the lies! Don’t watch the HBO hate show on Scientology! Come into an Org, sign a few simple contracts, pay us $360,000, and find about Scientology for yourself!”

17 replies »

    • Andrew, the ride is free and the E-Metermobile is just a telex away!

      Send telex via St. Hill relay along with a modest nonrefundable wire transfer fee of $50,000 for the four mandatory sec check intensives required to attend this event.

      Wire funds to:
      Captain David Miscavige Personal Enhancement Fund
      Bank of COB

      Liked by 1 person

  1. What a great me$$age…We’d like to sign up as Continental Ho$t and F$M for EU$…

    $cientology…founded by $ource over 50 years ago and $till grabbin ca$h…tell me that ain’t tech…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve test driven one of these and would highly recommend it, but I would also recommend you not think too much about where the needle is before you actually try one. (Hint: it’s not floating.) It might discourage you from testing one out. Remember: The only way to truly know about the E-Metermobile is to try it for yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • While it is quite true that the E-Metermobile rolls over very easily due to its high center of gravity and cheap suspension, the beauty of driving the E-Metermobile is that if you go *SPLAT!* why then you can just go pick up a new body.

      Liked by 1 person

      • The E-metermobile will give new meaning to the term “rock-slamming,” but it will only be appreciated in the moment right before you slam into a rock.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. You know that you’ve hit the big leagues, what with your wonderful e-metermobile creation; the artwork is stupendous, and it clearly shows that a considerable amount of time (and probably money) went into this project. VWD!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Actually, I don’t want the e-mobile. What I really want is to know where DM got the razor wire around Gold? I have a coyote problem and need to get some of that wire plus a check sheet on how to install it.


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