Tag Archives: John Travolta

John Travolta Confused, Upset as Gotti Bombs. Scientology Actor Blames the Psychs.

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WTF? Where is everybody? The theatre is empty on the opening weekend of Gotti. This is the pic I slaved ten years to get on the screen! I betcha all of you Psychs & SP’s on the internet sabotaged it! Me and Kelly need to redo our Scientology PTS/SP course pronto!

Travolta Marathon on Scientology TV This Weekend!


“Widely savaged by wog film critics as the worst mobster film ever, John Travolta’s Gotti has been yanked from theaters and will be released tomorrow on Scientology TV,” announced Ken Delusion, the newly appointed VP of SMP.

“John Travolta’s schmacting, Kelly Preston’s painful overacting, and the general horribleness of the film complements Battlefield Earth splendidly,” gushed Delusion. “This weekend’s Travolta Marathon on Scientology TV will be epic!”

LRH’s Exactly Taped Path Out of the Trap

By way of answering an oft-asked technical question we get in RTC, Dr. Hubbard used Mighty Line® Deluxe Safety Tape – 4″ x 100′, Yellow/Black to exactly tape the way out of the trap. 47,000,000 feet of tape was required. If one stays within the pathway created by the lines of the safety tape they will safely exit the 75,000,000 year old trap; this assuming they can pay the $360,000+ toll to traverse the vast expanse of the trap.

If one steps outside of the lines of the safety tape, say by reading entheta online or forwarding Black PR about COB, they will die a horrible and agonizing death by suffocating on their own vomit. For this reason, we in RTC mark the exactly taped path with warning signs along the way:


Let’s do the math on LRH’s exactly taped path out of the trap. The pathway is very narrow. To be specific, it is three feet wide ( 0.9144 meter) and bounded on either side by yellow and black safety tape. Thus, we divide 47,000,000 million feet by two. By dividing and converting to miles, we find the exactly taped pathway out of the trap is 44,508 miles in length (71,629 meters).

Given the length of the exactly taped path, there is a lot of auditing to do to make it through the engram-laden swamps of the Reactive Mind and the Walls of Fire which comprise the OT Levels. Get to work Scientologist! You have a long way to go to get out of the trap!

 

Scientology: Buggery on the High Seas!

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The motor vessel Freewinds will be the location of Scientology Media Productions first feature film Buggery on the High Seas.

Based on a screenplay by L. Ron Haddock, the film features “rum and sodomy, pinks and grays, and going OTVIII on a three-needle-swing ride to infinity!”

Volunteers are needed as extras for a crowd scene in which the depraved Psycholos bugger everyone on the ship. The film stars Scientologist John Travolta who reprises his role as Terl, the security chief in Battlefield Earth.

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Did someone mention Scientology media whores?

Harvey Weinstein Turns to the Scientology Celebrity Centre for Help


“Disgraced Hollywood honcho Harvey Weinstein has turned to the Church of Scientology’s Celebrity Centre for help,” reported Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.

“Mr. Weinstein is currently staying in the penthouse at the Celebrity Centre and is receiving intensive Scientology auditing to help him handle his sexual harassment engrams,” Delusion noted. “Mr. Weinstein is confessing all of his crimes in a Scientology procedure known as a ‘sec check.'”

“Mr. Weinstein can rest assured that his confessional information is safe with Scientology and will never be used against him. Tom Cruise and John Travolta can attest to the fact that they have never once been blackmailed by Scientology over the filthy and lurid secrets they have given up in auditing,” Delusion assured reporters.

“In gratitude for Scientology taking him in and helping him when no one else would, Harvey Weinstein has already donated $2.5 million to the IAS.”

“In happier news,” Delusion remarked, “Harvey Weinstein will be dining with Scientologist Danny Masterson this evening to discuss Scientology techniques for handling scurrilous attacks upon one’s character known as ‘Black PR.’ At present, Danny Masterson is handling Black PR with the help of his criminal defense attorney and Scientology’s Office of Special Affairs.”

Looking Back: Scientology 2016

And now as we prepare to turn another page on eternity, let us look back on what we in the Church of Scientology did in 2016.

We almost finished the fundraise on the SFV Ideal Org:

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Thanks to COB, we opened Scientology Media Productions. The hundreds of thousands of Scientologists in good standing in Southern California attended. And, we in RTC are pleased to report that SMP almost made a film:

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We purged dirty cop Lee Whatshisname from all Scientology websites:

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Thanks to the Golden Era SFX Department, none of the molded body parts or engineered hair appliances on John Travolta fell off or broke:

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And now we arrive at Scientology’s greatest 2016 accomplishment: There were no major escapes or blows. Thanks to COB’s patented blow drills, Tom Cruise’s attempted escape from Trementina Base was derailed. Likewise, Shelly was unable to escape from Twin Peaks.

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